She gave her head a jerky shake.
“My younger brother.” He dragged a hand over his face as the memories of that long ago day flooded to the surface. “My brother stepped in when I was too cowardly. But the damage was done by then, Jane. Philippa, Chloe, Alex, they were all scarred. At that moment in my life, I knew I never wanted the care and responsibility of another to fall to me. I failed them.” And I will not fail you now.
A single teardrop rolled down her cheek, followed by another and another. “Oh, Gabriel, you think yourself undeserving of love.” Her words lanced through him with a shocking accuracy. “That is why you push everyone away.” That is why I push you away. I’ve never wanted another. She took a step toward him and claimed his hand. “Don’t you see?” He stiffened at her touch, wanting it and wanting himself free of all hint of her. “You didn’t fail them. Your father failed them.” Just as her father had failed her.
He went taut as she wrapped her arms around his waist and held on. His hands hovered involuntarily about the air, and then he slid his eyes closed and folded his arms about her and began to believe, for the first time, that perhaps, just perhaps, he could turn himself over to the power of caring.
Chapter 26
Five hours.
Or 300 minutes.
And if one wanted to be even more precise, 18000 seconds.
As the carriage rattled along the cobbled London streets, Jane worked through the amount of time she’d be forced to smile and dance and well, mayhap not dance, but be present at the Duke and Duchess of Crawford’s ball.
She drew back the curtain and stared out at the passing carriages. That was how long Jane had resolved she’d have to spend on the fringe of the glittering world of London Society that terrified her; a people whose world she didn’t belong to.
From the opposite bench, Chloe gave her a sunny smile. “Alex and Imogen will be there, as will Lord Waterson. Imogen braved a scandal herself in a like manner. When you show Society you are unaffected by them, they move their attentions elsewhere. It’s true. Isn’t it, Gabriel?”
Jane looked to her husband. He gave a succinct nod but otherwise contributed nothing further to the discourse. She sighed. She would feel a good deal better if that lie was coming from the somber, stoic gentleman at her side. Their conveyance rocked to a halt in the long line of carriages and Jane’s stomach plummeted to her toes.
They’d arrived.
The crush of carriages before the duke’s townhouse delayed their arrival and with each painfully slow-moving moment, panic pounded away at her breast. It climbed up her throat and threatened to choke her.
A servant drew open their door and Gabriel stepped down first. He then turned back to her. She’d braved censure and disapproval throughout the course of her life. What was one more night? In front of hundreds of guests. Nearly all strangers. She drew in a steadying breath and climbed out of the carriage then paused to stare up at the pink façade of the impressive Mayfair townhouse. Her first event. She swallowed hard. She’d rather sit down to tea with Mrs. Belden after revealing she’d taken the woman’s missive sent by the Marquess of Waverly.
A small hand settled on her back and she started.
Gabriel gave her a look. “It will be fine,” he said with a stoic calm she resented from him in this moment. Of course he should be calm. This was his world. He’d been born and bred to live amongst these people. She had been scuttled away, a dirty secret kept, and by Lord Montclair’s words at the theatre one week earlier—a poor secret, at that.
“It really will be fine, Jane,” Chloe said quietly. She gave her a winning smile. “You have friends.”
Friends. After a life alone, she had friends who cared for her and about her. She stared at Chloe’s retreating back hating the blasted lump of emotion swelling in her throat. She didn’t want to turn into a watering pot. Not now. Not ever. Showing emotion was dangerous. Particularly on this night.
He returned his attention to her. “I will not allow you to be ill-treated.”
Poor Gabriel. She shook her head sadly. “You still do not know.”