I laughed at him and kissed him softly. "Okay, I'll try to not be grumpy either then."
The next morning, feeling better after having talked to Denny, I had hoped to talk with Kellan. He was his usual self, drinking his coffee and reading the paper, but he didn't look up when I came in. Embarrassed at my outburst yesterday, I wasn't sure what to do. Quietly I made my coffee, and then chickening out, I decided to drink it upstairs. I just couldn't take the awkwardness.
But guilt stopped me before I could completely turn the corner. Not looking, I threw an, "I'm sorry, Kellan" over my shoulder. I walked away quietly and thought I heard a long sigh, but nothing else.
Denny did seem to turn a corner. While still really unhappy about his situation, he moped a lot less and we talked a lot more. I still didn't see nearly enough of him, and he got way too many after hours phone calls for my taste, but I tried to not mope about that either. It was going to take both of us to make this work.
Kellan was different as well. For all the moping Denny and I were trying not to do, Kellan was making up for it. He avoided both of us for the most part. On the rare occasions we were all together, he said nothing more than a few polite words. He stopped being an ass, which I was grateful for, but his silence made my stomach feel odd. I felt something coming, I just didn't know what. It was unsettling.
One Saturday morning, Denny and Kellan were downstairs talking before I got there. I couldn't tell what they had been saying, but as I turned the corner, Kellan was smiling at Denny, who had a hand clapped on his shoulder. I had no idea what that was about, but the vision of them both together like that was heartwarming, and guilt-inducing.
Denny looked over at me when I entered the room. "Can you get someone to trade shifts with you? We are all going out tonight - mates' night out."
I tried to smile, but my stomach dropped. This was not good. "Ohhhh, that's a great idea, honey. Where are we going?"
"A friend of mine has a band playing at The Shack tonight." Kellan said quietly, looking at me for the first time in days. His look was a sad one and my stomach hurt again.
"Okay, sounds great. I'll trade with Emily. She normally works days, but asked Jenny if she could work some nights... better tips..." I shrugged my shoulders.
"Great!" Denny walked over to me and gave me a long kiss. "See, I can still be fun. No more grump, I promised." He gave me a quick hug and moved to leave the room. "I'm gonna shower, then I'll make you breakfast." He tossed over his shoulder with a quick wink.
I laughed then looked back over at Kellan and stopped. He was looking away from us, his face pale. He didn't look good at all. "You okay?" I whispered, not really wanting to ask in case ass-Kellan popped back up again.
He looked over at me, his eyes sad but a smile on his face. "Sure. This will be...interesting."
Suddenly worried, I walked closer to him. "Are you sure? This doesn't have to happen. Denny and I can go alone."
His face suddenly serious, he gazed at me intently. "I'm fine, and I'd like to spend one...night, with my roommates." He turned away from me and headed upstairs through the living room and the ache in my stomach increased ten-fold. He had said that oddly and it terrified me.
The night started...awkwardly. Kellan disappeared not long after the announcement that we were having a night out. He had left the house with an, "I'll meet you guys there" and Denny and I didn't see him for the rest of the day. Really, that suited me just fine. His new sad, quiet behavior was causing my stomach to do strange, panicky things that I didn't have the heart to analyze.
Instead, I turned my attention to Denny, trying to focus on just having a good time with him, like we used to have together. He seemed in a better mood than usual. Maybe he had noticed things were strained around the house with Kellan, and was trying to compensate. He seemed excited for us all to go out and do something together tonight. I wasn't quite as excited, but I faked it for my man.
The day went slowly, peacefully, but eventually it was time to get ready for the evening. It was still pretty warm for this time of year, so I chose a loose, flirty black skirt and a pink button up short-sleeved shirt with a light sweater-jacket. I left my hair loose, casual and slightly wavy. Denny smiled at me and kissed my cheek as I put on my lipstick. He picked out my favorite blue Henley that I loved on his tan skin. Adorably, he held out a small jar of style gel and let me go crazy with his hair, shaking his head when I was satisfied with it. He was trying to please me tonight and it was working; I was very touched by the gestures.
When we arrived at The Shack, Kellan's car was already there and we parked next to his Chevelle in a side parking lot. Making our way to the front doors, I noticed that the bar was about half the size of Pete's. I wondered where the band was going to play, until I noticed the wide open doors in the back of the bar and the crowd of people outside. We made our way out the back to a large, fenced beer garden. There were tables all along the sides of the fence and along the wall of the bar, with a wide open section in front of a large stage opposite the building. A band was setting up their equipment and Kellan was over there, talking to one of the guys. He saw us and motioned to a table along the fence that already had a pitcher of beer and three glasses.
Denny and I waved back and walked over to the table reserved for us. Denny held out my chair like we were on a first date and I smiled at him. "Thank you, sir." I teased.
"Anything for a beautiful girl." He smiled and kissed my hand gallantly.
Playing with him a little, I said in mock surprise, "Oh, are you Australian? I love Aussies."
"Ripper! Pash a bloke before joining him for a grog then, Sheila?" he said back, massively over-exaggerating his accent.
I laughed at him and bent in to give him the kiss he'd asked for. "You are such a dork."
"Yeah, but you love me anyway." He kissed me back.
"Hmmm...yeah." I smiled, then turned when I felt eyes on my back.
Kellan was behind me, watching us blankly. I was trying to get things back to normal; I wished Kellan would at least try too. His melancholy was really starting to get to me. He sat down and poured everyone a beer, not looking at either of us.
Denny didn't seem to notice his mood. "When does your friend go on?" he asked him cheerfully.
Kellan briefly looked over at him. "Another twenty minutes or so." He took a long drink from his beer while a woman passed by and not-so subtly eyed him up and down. Surprisingly, he only gave her a cursory glance, and then returned his attention to his beer. In a noticeable huff, she stalked off.
The twenty minutes it took for the band to finally start felt like twenty hours. Our little trio was pretty quiet. Denny would try to start a conversation with Kellan, only to have Kellan give him one or two word responses. Eventually Denny stopped trying. My irritation at Kellan was growing minute by achingly long minute.
Finally the band did start to play, and Denny and I left the sulking Kellan at the table while we laughed and danced by the stage. In-between twirls and dips, I cast glances at the table, only to see Kellan watching us with an unreadable expression on his face. Girls occasionally tried to get him out with the dancing group too, but he seemed to be turning everyone down. Again my irritation with him grew. What was his problem?
During the set break we came back to the table, to hastily finish our beers and relax for a few minutes. I noticed that it was starting to cool down outside, but I felt warm from dancing around with Denny. Kellan sat quietly, staring at the empty glass in his hand when suddenly Denny's cell phone started ringing. Startled, I looked over at him as he sheepishly answered it. I hadn't realized he had brought it. I tried to not be irritated at that. It was his job, I guess. He spoke for a few seconds with someone before he started saying "hello" a couple times.
"Damn," Denny muttered as he shut the phone. "Battery died". Glancing over at me, he shook his head apologetically. "Sorry, I really need to call Max back. I'm gonna check inside, see if I can use their phone."
I smiled over at him, forcing down my irritation. Tonight was about having fun, not being bitter. "No problem, we'll be here." I nodded my head over to Kellan's chair. Kellan still wasn't looking at us. He sat awkwardly, still staring at the glass in his hands with a slight frown on his face.
Denny stood and kissed me on the cheek before turning to go back inside the bar. Kellan sighed quietly and shifted in his chair. I watched Denny disappear into the crowd and turned to look at Kellan. Sudden irritation at his odd behavior, and quite honestly, Denny's phone call, finally made me snap. "You said you were fine with this. What is with you?"
Kellan looked over at me, his blue eyes intense. "I'm having a fabulous time. What could you possibly mean?" His voice was flat, cold. I looked away and worked on keeping my breathing constant and even, my anger in check. I didn't want to ruin this night for Denny, by fighting with Kellan.
"Nothing, I guess."
Kellan set down his glass and abruptly stood up. "Tell Denny that I was feeling ill... " he paused as if he was going to say something more, then shook his head slightly and only said, "I'm done." His voice was still very cold and the words came out with a finality that knotted a ball in my stomach. I suddenly felt that he wasn't just talking about tonight.
I slowly stood and looked him in the eyes. His were narrowed slightly as he watched me intently. Without another word, he turned and headed for the gate in the fence behind us, that led to the side parking lot where we had all parked earlier in the evening. I watched him leave for a second. Tall, lean and muscular in just the right way, he was beyond good-looking, closer to perfection. I couldn't help the sinking feeling in my gut as I watched him open the gate. I just knew that once he closed that door, I would never see him again. Something started to break inside me as I considered that.
I should let him walk away. He was moody - always cold and silently brooding. And before that he had been a total ass - poking and prodding my relationship with Denny, making suggestive comments about our one night together, and the secret we kept from everyone. Glimpses of that night passed in my head - his strong arms, his tender hands, his soft lips. I tried to think past that, to a time when he had only been a friend, a good friend. Fighting the sudden tears that stung my eyes, I darted to the gate after him.
He was halfway to his car by the time I was closing the gate behind me. "Kellan!" My voice sounded too high to me, too panicked. Get a grip, I thought angrily. Say goodbye, let him go and get your ass back to the bar to wait for Denny. "Please, wait."
He slowed and looked over his shoulder at me. I couldn't quite tell from the distance, but his shoulders seem to slump in a sigh. "What are you doing, Kiera?" The question seemed full of double meaning.
I caught up with him, grabbing his arm to stop him and turn him around towards me. "Wait, please stay."
He knocked my hand away, almost angrily, and ran his fingers through his thick hair. He looked up at the sky for a brief moment before locking his eyes to mine. "I can't do this anymore."
Expecting one of his flippant, suggestive remarks, the sudden seriousness in his voice caught me off guard and turned the knot in my stomach to ice. "Can't do what...stay? You know Denny would want to say goodbye to you." The words sounded feeble and wrong, even to my ears. This had nothing to do with Denny...or maybe everything.
He shook his head slightly and looked over my shoulder before again returning his gaze to mine. "I can't stay here...in Seattle. I'm leaving."
The tears that threatened before were now there in force. Damn, what was wrong with my body? Isn't this exactly what I hoped he would do? I should be slapping him on the back and saying, "Great, have a good time." Things would be so much easier here with him gone - his coldness, his irritating comments, the never-ending line of women fawning over him, his insanely-blue eyes following me everywhere, the intimate memories that sometimes popped into my head...
I grabbed his arm again. He stiffened, but didn't knock me away. "No, please, don't leave! Stay...stay here with...with us. Just don't go..." My voice broke at the end and I couldn't understand why I was saying these things to him. I meant to say goodbye. Why were the words coming out so wrong?
