I’ve thought those words a few times, but usually they’re future tense—as in “I think I could love her,” or “I might love Rowe one day.” But that’s a bloody lie. I love her. I love her right now. I loved her when I read her words to Josh, and I hoped for everything she said because I’m a selfish bastard who wants her all to myself. I loved her when she busted my heart with that business about not meeting her parents. I loved her when I held her in my arms all night.
I was done the moment I saw her.
But goddamn if I wanted to tell her that right now! Right now, when I’m guarding every move and word I say for fear of chasing her away. I need to fix this.
“I uh…I meant that, like, you know…rhetorically,” I say. I’m not even sure if rhetorically is the right word. I check to see if she’s still looking at me in shock. Thankfully, she’s moved her gaze to her lap, where she’s picking at the edges of her fingers.
“Yeah, Nate. No…it’s…it’s no big deal. I got that,” she says, moving her face to look out her window. “I know you didn’t mean it.”
But I did. And I do. And seeing her now makes me wish like hell I didn’t take it back.
Chapter 19
Rowe
After Nate took back what he said, I became hyper-focused on fixing Cass and Ty. I was a little hurt at first that I had to find out about their fight from Nate, but Cass said she thought it was going to just be a nothing thing that would blow over. Unfortunately, when she went to talk to Ty about it a few hours later, he told her he thought they should take a breather, and maybe they were getting too serious.
It wasn’t even my relationship—I wasn’t even sure if what I was in was a relationship. But the thought of running away for fear of being too serious made something inside me snap. Cass and Ty had to try, because how was I supposed to navigate being with someone if those two couldn’t figure things out?
“Girl, this better work,” Paige says as she walks by me quickly in the hallway, her tote bag filled with way too much alcohol. Paige brought two of her new sorority sisters with her, which made me a little nervous, because I knew Nate was putting himself out there sneaking us out on the ball fields again.
“Seriously, they can’t tell anyone about this. And no more people,” I whisper to her in the elevator. Paige just winks at me and pulls her bag in against her body.
Nate and Ty are waiting for us downstairs, and we all start walking across the street. Just as I planned, Nate dials my phone from his pocket a few seconds into our walk, and I pretend it’s my parents calling.
“Yeah, I filled that out. No, I promise I did. Uhhhg, hold on,” I say, pretending I’m having a conversation about financial forms with my mother. Nate reaches into his pocket to end the call, but I keep the phone to my ear and hold up a finger to my friends.
“Hey, guys. I’ll just meet you there in like five minutes. I have to run up and check something for my mom,” I say, turning to jog back inside quickly. I hear Ty offer to wait for me, but Paige steps right in and throws her pretend tantrum—which is so accurate to her real tantrums—and explains that she can’t be standing around campus with a bag of alcohol. I look back once I make it to the lobby, and the group has all started moving again.
Cass got a different version of the story. I knew she would be working out tonight, so I told her I would just wait for her to come home, and she and I would walk together. And somehow, all of my dominos have lined up today, because she’s back to our room right on schedule.
Her shower is fast—another trait opposite of her sister—and we’re walking over to the field maybe twenty minutes behind everyone else. I text Nate to let him know we’re coming, and I feel my pocket buzz when we get to the outfield gate.
Ty is three shots in. You better hurry!
I manage to keep Cass distracted long enough for her and me to get deep into the outfield before she notices Ty, but she freezes as soon as she does.
“Oh f**k no,” Ty says, tossing whatever was left in the cup in his hand into the grass.
“Rowe, did you know he was going to be here?” Cass looks heartbroken, and I feel sick. I shrug and start rethinking any good idea I ever thought I had. When Cass turns away and starts to leave, I grab her hand and I pull her close to me. I look Ty right in the eyes.
“No, Cass is my friend and I want her here,” I say, keeping my eyes on his—a staring contest I have no intention of losing. And I don’t.
“Fine, whatever,” Ty says, turning toward Nate to talk privately.