Evan shrugged. He felt different this time, but he didn’t want to get into anything too deep with Jeffery. “I’ve lost too much weight. My clothes are falling off. But I feel good.” When he said this, he realized how true it was. He really did feel good and he wasn’t sure why.
“You look like you did the first day I met you,” Jeffery said. He move even closer and put his arm around him. He kissed his neck and said, “You smell good, too.”
Evan laughed. “What are you doing?” He tried to pull out from under Jeffery’s arm but Jeffery held him even tighter.
“I’m welcoming my husband home the proper way,” Jeffery said. His hand moved higher and he squeezed the inside of Evan’s thigh.
Evan reached for his shoulders and said, “We shouldn’t be doing this.”
Jeffery’s hand went higher. “We’re married. We love each other.”
Although they were separated in the sense that they didn’t live together, they weren’t formally separated and they had been having sex regularly since Evan had moved back to his old apartment. The reason they didn’t live together wasn’t because of Evan’s drinking problem. It was because Jeffery couldn’t be monogamous, no matter how hard he tried. He hadn’t lied to Evan. He’d been open and honest from the beginning of their marriage and Evan had known what he was getting into. They’d always had what some couples call an open relationship and were free to have sex with other men as long as it was safe sex and there was nothing emotional about it. At first, Evan thought it was the perfect relationship for two gay men. But then they adopted Kenny and Evan found he wanted a more traditional lifestyle. He’d tried to make the open marriage work; he’d tried to live with knowing his husband was sleeping with other men. But it finally reached a point where he couldn’t take it anymore and he moved back to his old apartment to sort things out on his own.
As Jeffery continued to kiss his neck, he pushed Jeffery’s shoulders and said, “We’re not like other married people and you know it. We don’t live together, but we’re not actually separated or even talking about divorce. Most people would think that doesn’t make sense.”
“Fuck what most people think,” Jeffery said. “Most people are dumb, most people are not informed, most people don’t know shit, most people are fat and ugly, and most people can kiss my hot American ass.”
“You’re an arrogant prick,” Evan said, enjoying the way Jeffery’s hands were moving between his legs.
“And you love arrogant pricks, especially big ones,” Jeffery said, as he removed his suit jacket and threw it over the back of the sofa. He buried his face in Evan’s neck and said, “I’ve missed you so much. You know you’ve missed me, too.”
This had always been the problem. Their open relationship kept Evan awake at night; sometimes he thought it was part of what caused him to drink. But he had missed Jeffery; he did still love him even if he couldn’t live in the same house with him. No other man in the world could to do him what Jeffery did. And Evan had been with more than enough men to know this.
So Evan stopped fighting him and he submitted to his aggressive advances the same way he’d always done in the past. As much as this would frustrate him later in some ways, he also knew it would comfort him and give him the courage he needed to go to Kenny’s reading later that night. By making love to Jeffery, Evan could pretend for a short time that he was a normal married person having sex with his husband, the man he loved. He could pretend that everything was okay and that he didn’t have any serious problems or issues to deal with. He’d been doing this for a long time and he knew how to rationalize his motives.
While Jeffery stood up and removed all of his clothes, Evan remained on the sofa, on his back, and removed his. When Jeffery climbed on top of him and their naked bodies touched, Evan closed his eyes and sighed aloud. His husband smelled like a man who had been working all day. His natural scent mingled with remnants of his the hair product he’d used on his short dark hair earlier that morning. Though his powdery deodorant had softened since he’d showered, traces of it lingered each time Evan took a breath. And the damp scent that rose from between his legs filled Evan with such a sense of excitement he lifted his legs up and rested one foot on the back of the sofa and the other on the cocktail table.
They made out for a while on the sofa in the same familiar way they’d always begun their lovemaking. Jeffery had a way of kissing Evan that made him close his eyes, lift up his legs, and surrender completely. It wasn’t rough, and yet it was forceful in an unplanned way. Sometimes when they kissed for a long time it felt as if they were one person breathing through the same set of lungs.
While they kissed, Evan’s fingers explored his husband’s strong, solid upper body. Jeffery was only a year older than Evan and he still worked out on a regular basis at five o’clock every single morning. Jeffery had never been a sleeper. If he managed to get four hours a night he considered that a novelty. All this working out had been as much of a stress release as it had been a successful attempt to keep a good body. It had paid off, too. Every muscle on his back, his arms, and his chest made Evan’s erection grow harder.
After they kissed, Jeffery moved up on the sofa and he straddled Evan’s head that same way he’d been doing since the first night they’d made love. Evan took him gently in his palm and opened his mouth. The instant Jeffery’s erection entered, Evan closed his eyes and started sucking slowly. Though he knew Jeffery preferred him to be rougher, he also knew his husband didn’t complain when he used a gentle touch. This was fine with Evan. He didn’t like to get rough. These lines had been drawn early in their marriage and he saw no need to alter them. What worked well and didn’t need to be fixed should be left alone. In fact, if every other aspect of their relationship worked as well as their lovemaking, his life would have been perfect.
Evan sucked until he tasted his husband’s pre-come. He reached up with his left hand and gently squeezed Jeffery’s scrotum. He pulled Jeffery closer and started to suck harder, wondering if Jeffery wanted to climax this way. In this respect he could never be certain. It all depended on Jeffery’s various moods.
He brought Jeffery to the edge of climax, and then Jeffery reached down and held Evan’s face in his hands. He smiled and shook his head back and forth, and then he slowly pulled his dick out of Evan’s mouth, ran the tip across Evan’s lips, and reached over to the coffee table where he knew Evan kept the condoms. Though Evan would have preferred to take his husband raw, without a condom, this wasn’t an option in their marriage. This was a part of their deal that drove Evan to move out: he longed to be with his husband without condoms, but knew that one simple thing wouldn’t happen as long as they remained in an open marriage. Because they had always had an open relationship they’d both always used condoms. They could have taken a chance and trusted each other because they’d both sworn they would always use condoms when they were with other people. But they both agreed to play it safe just in case.