It took a minute, but Carson finally forced his way into Evan from behind. By that time, Evan was holding Juan’s shoulders and making a face. He felt no pain. They’d been fucking him for so long, and the lips of his anus were so sensitive, he was ready to explode. The way both men had stretched him left him gasping for air. He’d once heard someone say two dicks are better than one, and now he knew they weren’t joking. He couldn’t control his emotions or his actions. He started moaning aloud and making noises he never made during sex. If he’d been able to stop, he would have. He’d never liked it when other people made vulgar sounds during sex. But this was something he couldn’t seem to control no matter how hard he tried to restrain himself.
When the guys saw how much Evan liked it, they started following his moves. Carson fucked faster from behind; Juan bucked his pelvis from below. Evan kept backing into them both, trying hard to get them into his body as deeply as he could. This time he wound up grabbing Juan’s hair and pulling it. He screamed so loud at one point Juan had to shoved three fingers in his mouth to shut him up.
Carson came first. Then he pulled out and Evan started riding Juan’s dick faster. He missed Carson’s dick but he was so close by then it didn’t matter much. He wanted to get Juan off this in this position, which wasn’t always easy to do with some men. But he could see by the expression on Juan’s face and the way Juan was nodding that he was ready to come.
At the exact moment Juan grunted and made a face, Carson pulled off his condom and he shoved his dick into Evan’s mouth. Evan closed his eyes and sucked. He moved his hips faster and Juan grabbed his waist and said, “Fuck, man, fuck.” When Juan said he was coming with his thick accent, Evan took his own dick, sucked on Carson harder, and blasted a three-day load that arced so high it went over Juan’s head and landed on the other side of the bench.
When it was over, Carson helped Evan climb off Juan’s dick. They went back into the shower room and Evan took his time soaping and rinsing both men off. He wanted to do this and they didn’t seem to mind. When they were finished showering, Juan even asked Evan to dry him off and help him get dressed. Now that the sex was over, Evan noticed a vulnerable quality in Juan that he often saw in aggressive men: the apprehensive need to be treated with care and at the same time terrified to let anyone know they wanted this. He’d seen this so many times he wondered often about the stereotypes all men have to deal with as a result of social conditioning that said men had to be strong at all times and never show emotion.
After they got dressed, Juan and Evan waited in front of the gym on the sidewalk so Carson could close up the gym and turn out all the lights. While they waited, Evan noticed the gay couple with the kid in the wheelchair walking down Delancey Street he’d seen the first time he’d gone to the gym to see Carson fight the Ice Man. Only this time the kid wasn’t in a wheelchair. He was walking between the two gay men, holding their hands. They didn’t walk fast. The kid had braces on his legs.
As they passed, Juan put his arm around Evan and pulled him closer. It felt like a lame attempt to show emotion and Evan was not impressed. Evan nodded at the two guys and glanced down to smile at the little boy. They looked so happy together, Evan felt a sting in his eye. He wanted to run over and hug all three of them to let them know how happy he was to see them together again, to see that they were a family, and to see the little boy walking on his own. The last time he’d seen them he’d felt sorry for them. This time, all he felt was love.
But he didn’t move. He just stood there with his hand on Juan’s abdomen and smiled, remembering a time when he’d walked down the street the same way with his husband and son.
Chapter Thirteen
“Are you still getting it from the boxing dude?” Jeffery asked. He’d phoned Evan earlier that morning and Evan had returned his call. When Jeffery spoke in this crude manner, he tended to be joking—one huge reason why he’d never had many female friends. Michele never got his humor, nor did most of the women in his life. Most women expected Jeffery to be the gay man they saw on TV, arranging flowers and picking through fabric samples, and when they found Jeffery was more like the men they’d married and divorced, they drifted away from him.
“I’m not in the mood for your sarcasm, Jeffery,” Evan said. Sometimes he lost patience with his sense of humor, too. “I just found out that Michele broke up with her boyfriend and she’s devastated. The birthday party is off.”
“That’s too bad. But look at the bright side, you can turn thirty again next year,” Jeffery said. “Besides, I was calling to let you know I couldn’t make it anyway.”
This didn’t surprise Evan. Jeffery never went out of his way for anyone, especially not for a party at Michele’s apartment. Jeffery tended to tolerate her in the same way she tolerated him. But Evan wasn’t in the mood for Jeffery’s arrogance and he lashed out and said, “Why do you even bother calling me? I’m serious, Jeffery.”
“I’m sorry I can’t make it to the party,” Jeffery said. “Something came up and I have to deal with it.”
Evan laughed. “It’s not about the party. It’s not about you. God, you’re such an asshole sometimes. My best friend just got dumped by a guy she really liked and I’m upset about it. I know that’s not something you’ll ever understand. But I care about my friends and I don’t like to see them get hurt. Forgive me for having feelings, Jeffery, but we can’t all be heartless, sour bastards like you who spend our days thinking about money and fucking anything that walks. And right now I’m so sick and tired of everything and everyone, I don’t even want to talk to you.” He hadn’t spoken to Jeffery this way in a long time. He wanted a drink so badly he felt like tearing the pillows on his bed apart.
After a moment of silence, Jeffery said, “I’ll talk to you later, then.”
Evan hung up without saying goodbye. He’d had the urge to drink since he’d been discharged from Havilland but it had never been this strong. He clenched his fists and pounded the mattress a few times. He thought about Carson and how disappointed he’d been when he’d discovered Carson wasn’t as interested in a serious monogamous relationship as Evan had thought he’d been. Although they were still friends and Evan didn’t hold anything against him, Evan couldn’t help wondering why he always seemed to attract the same kind of man. He’d thought it would be different with Carson and he’d been wrong again. But more than that, he’d given up all hope of ever having a real marriage and family with anyone.