Chapter 2
Ashton,
Hey baby. I’m sorry I am just now responding to your email. Our internet here’s not real dependable and 3G is non-existent so my phone is no help. I miss you like crazy. I think about you all day and wonder what you’re doing. We’re spending most of our days hiking. The trail we took yesterday led to an amazing waterfall. After five miles uphill in the heat the ice-cold water at the falls felt great. I kept wishing you were here.
It is safe to say my future is not in fishing. I suck at it. Cade is kicking my tail in catches. He told me yesterday I needed to stick with football. LOL. I am enjoying my time with him. Thanks for understanding how much I needed to do this. He needs me right now. His big brother will be leaving in a year and I’ll be a phone call away but I won’t be there to watch his football practice or help him with his first crush. I’m trying to share all my wisdom with him now.
I love you, Ashton Sutley Gray, so very much. I’m the luckiest guy in the world.
Sawyer
Sawyer,
I figured your delayed response had to do with internet issues. The connection up in the mountains can’t be that great. At least not up in a secluded cabin like y’all are in. I miss you too. I’m glad you’re getting in some big brother time with Cade. I know it means so much to him.
As for me, I am working at the church a good bit. Nothing much to do with you gone. I haven’t been going to the field on the weekends. I clean the church mostly then rent a movie. Leann and Noah are together officially now. When she isn’t working she is with him. So, that leaves me without anyone. I’m so used to spending all my time with you. Give Cade and Catherine a hug from me.
I am counting down the days until I see your face again.
Love u Bunches,
Ashton
I stared at the computer screen after I clicked send. The fact I hadn’t mentioned Beau bothered me a little. I started to tell him about giving Beau and Nicole a drive home. We never really talked about Beau anymore. Sawyer does sometimes when he’s worried about him. Most of Sawyer’s life he’s taken care of Beau.
Beau was the son of the Vincent brother who had lived a wild life up until the day he crashed his motorcycle into an eighteen-wheeler. Beau had been in first grade when it happened. I remember his eyes being bloodshot from crying for months. He would sneak out of his trailer and come to my house in the middle of the night. I’d slip outside my window and we would sit on my roof for hours thinking of things we could do to make him feel better. Normally those ideas would lead to serious mischief that Sawyer had to bail us out of.
Sawyer was the son of the good Vincent brother, the oldest of the two. He had gone to law school and made a fortune defending the average Joe against insurance companies. The town loved Harris Vincent and his beautiful church-going, junior-league-member, tennis-playing wife, Samantha Vincent, and of course their talented all-American oldest son.
This town wasn’t big and, like any small southern town, we all knew everyone’s business. Their past was common knowledge. Their parents’ past was no secret. You didn’t have secrets in Grove, Alabama. It wasn’t possible—well, except maybe at the field. In the dark shadows of the pecan grove that surrounded the large open field where the Mason boys held their famous parties I’m sure were many secrets. It was the only place the little ol’ ladies couldn’t watch you from their front porch swing and the only eyes around were too busy with their own mischief to notice yours.
Reaching over, I picked up the picture Sawyer had framed and given to me of us at a field party last month. His kind smile and bright green eyes made me feel guilty. I hadn’t done anything wrong really. I’d just left out the fact I had helped Beau get home safe last night. I should have told him. Setting the picture back down on the desk, I stood up and walked over to the closet to find something to wear. I needed to get out of the house. This summer was going to go by at a snail’s pace if I didn’t find something to do. My Grana was back home from visiting her sister up in Savannah. I could go volunteer at the nursing home, then go visit Grana. That way, when I emailed Sawyer tomorrow, I could tell him I’d gone to the nursing home to see his grandmother. He’d like that.
Once I’d done my good deed for the day and visited with Grandma Vincent, I headed to Grana’s house. I was anxious to see her. I always missed her like crazy when she was away. With Sawyer and Grana gone, I really had felt all alone. At least she was back now.
The minute my car door closed, Grana’s front door opened and out she stepped, grinning and holding a tall glass of sweet iced tea. Her white-blonde hair barely brushed her shoulders, and I bit my lip to keep from smiling. We’d had a discussion about the fact she needed to cut her hair before she left. It was getting too long for someone her age. I’d told her so, and she’d waved me off as if I didn’t know what I was talking about. Guess she changed her mind. The twinkle in her green eyes told me she knew what I was thinking.
“Well, lookie who decided to stop by and visit her Grana. I was beginning to wonder if you were requiring a written invitation these days,” she teased. I laughed and walked up the steps to hug her.
“You just got home yesterday,” I reminded her. She took a sniff of my shirt and leaned back to look at me.
“Smells like somebody stopped by the old folk’s home to visit her boyfriend’s grandmama before she came to see hers.”
“Oh stop it. I was giving you time to sleep in. I know traveling is hard on you.”
She took my hand and led me over to sit down beside her on the front porch swing. The diamonds on her fingers glistened against the sunlight. The cold glass she held was pressed into my hands.
“Here, drink this. I poured it as soon as I saw that little car pull in the drive.”
I could relax here. This was Grana. She didn’t expect me to be perfect. She just wanted me to be happy. “So, you talked to that boyfriend of yours since he’s been gone or are you having you some fun times with another fella while he’s away?”
I spewed the tea from my mouth and shook my head as I began to cough. How was it she always knew what was going on when no one else did?
“Well, who is he? He’s made you spit tea all over my lap. I at least want a name and a few details.”
Shaking my head I turned so I could look her in the eyes. “There is no one. I got strangled on my tea because you ask me such an insane question. Why would I cheat on Sawyer? He’s perfect, Grana.”
She made a ‘hmph’ sound and reached over and patted my leg.
“Ain’t no man perfect, baby girl. Not a one. Not even your daddy. Although he thinks he is.”
She always joked about Daddy being a pastor. He’d been a ‘hell raiser’ growing up according to her. When she’d tell me stories about him as a kid her eyes would light up. Sometimes I could swear she missed the person he used to be.
“Sawyer’s as perfect as it gets.”
“Well I don’t know about that. I drove by the Lowrys’ this morning and his cousin Beau was out cutting their grass.” She paused and shook her head with a big grin on her face. “Girl, there ain’t a boy in this town can hold a candle to Beau with his shirt off.”
“GRANA!” I swatted her hand, horrified that my grandmother had admired Beau shirtless.
She chuckled. “What! I’m old, Ashton baby, not blind.” I knew how Beau looked shirt-off and sweaty. I’d almost had a wreck last week when I’d passed the Greens’ and he’d been cutting their grass shirtless. It was hard not to look at. I’d told myself I had just been examining the tattoo on his ribs, but of course I knew the truth.
“I ain’t the only old woman looking. I’m just the only one honest enough to admit it. The others hire the boy to cut their grass just so they can sit at the window and drool.”
This was why I loved my Grana. Being with her always made me laugh. She accepted life for what it was. She didn’t pretend or put on airs. She was just Grana.
“I wouldn’t know how Beau looks shirtless,” I lied. “I do know he’s nothing but trouble.”
Grana clicked her tongue and used her feet to give us a good push. “Trouble can be a lot of fun. It’s the straight and narrow that makes life tedious and boring. You’re young, Ashton. I’m not saying you need to go out and ruin your life. I’m just saying some excitement is good for the soul.”
An image of Beau slouched down in the seat beside me in his truck last night, staring at me through his thick curly lashes, made my pulse rate increase. He was definitely more than a little excitement. He was lethal.
“Enough about boys. I have one and I’m not in the market for another one. How was your trip?” Grana smiled and crossed her legs. One high-heeled backless sandal dangled from her hot pink toenails. It was hard to believe she was my straight-laced father’s mother.
“We visited. Drank some whisky sours. Caught us a few shows at the theatre. That sort of thing.” Sounded like the usual trip to Aunt Tabatha’s.
“Did Daddy come by to check on you this morning?”
She sighed dramatically. “Yes, and he of course prayed for my soul. The boy has no sense of adventure.”
I smiled into my glass of iced tea. Grana was so much fun.
“You best not repeat that to him either. I have him over here enough, preaching at me.” She nudged my leg with hers.
“I never do, Grana.”
Grana gave us another push with her foot. “So, if you aren’t gonna go find yourself a tattooed sexy bad boy to spend your summer with, then you and I need to do something. Can’t have you cleaning the church every day. Where’s the excitement in that?”
“Shopping. We could always go shopping,” I replied.
“That’s my girl. We will shop. But not today. I have to unpack and clean this place up. We will make a date later this week. Just you and me. Maybe we can find us some fellas while we are out.”
Shaking my head, I laughed at her teasing comment. She really wasn’t a fan of Sawyer. She was the only person in this town who didn’t think he walked on water.
After making plans to go shopping with Grana, I headed back to the house. I’d managed to spend a good part of the day out of my bedroom. I could finish up the rest of the daylight hours with a good book.
Luckily, neither of my parents was home when I pulled into the driveway.
When Daddy was home, he would always come up with some job I needed to do at the church. I wasn’t in the mood to spend the rest of my day making sure all the pews had a hymnal, or wiping down tables in the Sunday school rooms. I just wanted to go read a steamy romance novel and live in the fictional pages for a little while.
The moment I stepped into my bedroom to change out of my clothes, which reeked of disinfectant spray and old people, my phone dinged, alerting me of a text message. Digging into my pocket, I pulled my phone out and stood staring down at the screen as a series of emotions ran through me.
Beau: Meet me at the hole
The hole was the small lake on the farthest part of Sawyer’s property. Beau wanted to meet me out there alone? Why? My heart sped up thinking about what it was Beau was planning. I shifted my eyes to the romance novel I’d been going to read and decided that an afternoon back in the woods with Beau Vincent would be more exciting. Guilt was somewhere inside me, trying hard to beat its way past the sudden wicked need to do something wrong. Before I could come to my senses and change my mind, I replied.
Me: Be there in 15
My heart hammered against my chest with nervous excitement, or maybe it was the fear of getting caught. I wasn’t really doing anything wrong. I mean, Beau was my friend—sort of. He was lonely too. It wasn’t like I was going to the hole to make out with him. He probably just wanted to finish the conversation we’d had in his truck last night. He was sober now. More than likely he just wanted to clarify that he hadn’t meant for me to take anything the wrong way. It wasn’t like we were going to go swimming together or anything.
Beau: Wear a swimsuit.
Okay. Maybe we were going to go swimming. I didn’t respond. I wasn’t sure what to say. The right thing to do would be to say no. But I always did the right thing. Always. Just this once I wanted to do what I wanted to do. I let the bad girl out just a little.
I walked toward my closet and went for the small bag tucked away on the top shelf. The red bikini I’d bought for Sawyer, but never wore around him for fear he would disapprove, was nestled in the bottom of the shopping bag. So many times I’d reached for the bag but had never actually taken it out. The bikini had been an impulse buy, one I figured would end up rotting away unseen. I could almost see Grana’s approving grin as I slowly pulled out the revealing swimsuit she had insisted I buy.
“How’s this for trouble, Grana?” I whispered to myself before a small giggle escaped me.
Beau
If I’d ever taken the time to wonder about my soul being as black as this town seemed to believe, I knew the moment Ashton stepped out of her little white Jetta, looking like an angel from heaven, that my soul was damned to hell. When I’d sent the text asking her to meet me it’d been to remind me how untouchable she was. I thought seeing her ‘no’ response would’ve been the wake-up call I needed to stop obsessing over her. Instead she agreed and my stupid black heart had soared. I watched her steps falter when her pretty green eyes met mine. More than anything I wanted to walk over to her and reassure her I was going to be good. Just talk to her and watch the way her eyes light up when she laughs or the way she nibbles on her bottom lip when she’s nervous. But I couldn’t act on that desire. She wasn’t mine. She hadn’t been mine for a very long time. She shouldn’t be here and I shouldn’t have asked. So instead of reassuring her, I kept leaning against the tree looking like the devil and hoping she turned and ran.
She started walking toward me and perfect white teeth caught her full bottom lip between them. I’d fantasized about those lips way too many times. She’d barely covered up her long tanned legs with a pair of shorts that made me want to go to church this Sunday just to thank God for creating her.
“Hey,” she said with a nervous blush.
Damn, she was gorgeous. I’d never envied anything of Sawyer’s. I loved him like a brother. He was the only family I truly loved. When he excelled I silently cheered him on. He’d stood by me through a rough childhood, begging his parents to let me stay over nights when I was too scared to go back to a dark, empty trailer. He’d always had everything I didn’t have. The perfect parents, home life, but none of that had mattered because I had Ashton. Sure, we all three were friends but Ash had been mine. She’d been my partner in crime, the one person I told all my dreams and fears to, my soul mate. Then just like everything else in Sawyer’s perfect life, he got my girl. The only thing I’d thought I could call mine had become his.
“You came,” I finally replied. Her blush deepened.
“Yes, but I’m not sure why.”
“Me either,” I replied, since we were being honest.
She took a deep breath and put her hands on her hips. Not a pose she needed to be in with a bikini top being the only thing covering her generous cup size. The view was more stimulation than I needed so I tore my eyes off her cleavage.
“Look, Beau, I’m bored and lonely with Sawyer gone. Leann is either waiting tables at Hank’s or with Noah. I think I’d like to be . . . friends. You were my best friend for eight years of my life. I’d like to find that again.”
“Okay,” I said, grabbing the hem of my shirt and yanking it over my head. “Let’s swim.”
I didn’t wait to see if she’d actually step out of those tiny shorts. Part of me wanted to watch her take them off but the other part knew my heart couldn’t handle watching Ashton shimmying out of the blasted things. My heart may be black but it was still capable of heart failure.
I grabbed the branch over my head and swung my body up onto it. Standing on the thick limb, I walked out and grabbed the rope swing. For a moment I was a kid again, flying out over the lake. Letting go, I flipped and dove smoothly into the still water. When my head broke the surface I turned to look back at the bank in hopes I might catch a glimpse of her undressing. The little shorts were gone and Ashton was walking over to the rope. This wasn’t the first time I’d seen her in a bikini but it was the first time I’d allowed myself to enjoy the view. My heart began slamming against my chest, but I couldn’t take my eyes off her as she climbed up the ladder I’d made years ago out of pieces of wood nailed into the tree trunk so Ash could climb the tree. She walked slowly out onto the branch and smirked down at me before grabbing the rope and swinging out over the water. After making a perfect spiral, she made one complete flip and dove into the water. It had taken me three long afternoons to teach her how to flip off the rope swing and land smoothly into the water. She’d been eight years old and determined to do everything Sawyer and I did.
Ashton’s head emerged from the water and tilted back as her hands smoothed the wet curls out of her face. “It isn’t as cold as I’d hoped,” she said, grinning triumphantly.
“It’s ninety-six degrees and rising today. Before the month is over this will feel like bath water.” I made an attempt not to appear mesmerized by the way her long eyelashes got all spiky when they were wet.
“Yes, I remember. I’ve spent as many summers in this lake as you have,” she said, trailing off as if to remind us both whose lake we were swimming in. I wanted her to be comfortable with me. If talking about Sawyer would help then I’d talk about him. Besides, it wouldn’t hurt to keep me reminded who she belonged to.
“Point taken. Sorry, this new Ashton doesn’t resemble the Ash I once knew. I sometimes forget Sawyer’s perfect girlfriend is the same girl who used to start mud fights with me up there on the bank.”
“I wish you’d stop acting like I’m a different person, Beau. I grew up but I’m still the same girl. Besides, you changed too. The old Beau wouldn’t have completely ignored me because he was too busy making out with his girlfriend to acknowledge my existence.”
“No, but the old Beau wasn’t horny,” I shot back with a wink and splashed water in her face. Her familiar laughter made my chest ache a little.
“Point taken. I guess having someone built like Nicole all over you is a little distracting. I can see where an old friend would rank under getting laid.”
If I’d known Ashton had wanted it at any point I would have pushed Nicole aside and given her my undivided attention. But most of the time she was wrapped in Sawyer’s arms and I needed the distraction Nicole provided.
“Nicole isn’t very modest,” I replied, trying to lay the blame on her.
The dimple I’d been fascinated with since the day I’d met Ashton appeared as she gave me a full smile.
“Nicole doesn’t even know the definition of the word modest. Now, the word vulgar, I’m pretty sure she’s got a grasp on.”
Was it my wishful thinking or did she sound jealous of Nicole?
“Nicole’s not so bad. She just goes after what she wants,” I replied, wanting to test Ashton’s reaction.
An annoyed frown came over her face and she stiffened. I couldn’t keep the smile from forming on my lips. I liked the fact it bothered her when I defended Nicole.
“You’ve got bad taste in women, Beau Vincent,” she replied. I watched her swim over to the pier and pull herself out to sit on the edge, giving me an extremely pleasant view of her barely covered ass. It took me a minute to remember what we’d been talking about. Ashton’s wet body on display was all my single-minded brain seemed to focus on. I shook my head to clear my thoughts and remembered her comment about my bad taste in women.
“I suppose Sawyer has better taste?” I asked and swam over to join her. She frowned and bit her bottom lip. That hadn’t been the response I was expecting. I’d meant to make her smile.
“Maybe because I don’t rape him in public, but we both know he could do better.”
What the hell did that mean?
“You think so.” I managed to sound casual.
She glanced over at me with a sad little smile. The late afternoon sun was directly behind her, causing the long blonde curls framing her face to softly glow. The effect made her resemble an angel. Untouchable unless you were the perfect Sawyer Vincent.
“I’m not blind, Beau. I’m not saying I think I’m ugly. I know I’m passably cute. I’ve got good hair and my complexion isn’t bad. I don’t have big blue eyes or long lashes but my eyes aren’t bad. I’m not exactly exciting or striking. Sawyer is perfect. It’s hard to believe he wants me sometimes.”
I turned away from her, afraid the incredulous expression on my face would tell her more than she needed to know. I wanted to tell her how her green eyes made guys want to defend her or the way her sweet pink lips were mesmerizing or how that one single dimple caused my pulse rate to soar. I wanted to point out how those long, tanned legs caused guys to trip over themselves and when she wore tight shirts I fought the urge to go cover her up so every male who saw her wouldn’t go home and jack-off with her image in their head. But I couldn’t say any of those things.
Forcing my expression to remain casual I glanced back at her. “I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. Sawyer didn’t just choose you because of your looks.” That’s all I needed to say.
She sighed and leaned back on her hands. I had to turn my head away from her again before my eyes could zero in on her tits. I didn’t need to study them to know they were perfectly round, soft, plump, and tempting as hell.
“I’m not always good. I try really hard to be good. I want to be worthy of Sawyer, I really do, but it’s like there is this other me inside that is trying to get out. I fight it but I’m not good at it all the time. Sawyer has to keep me in line.”
Keep her in line? Wait . . . what? Shaking my head to clear my thoughts from how sweet her nipples would be, I forced myself to focus on what she was saying instead of how she would taste. She didn’t think she was good enough for Sawyer? Had Sawyer made her think something was wrong with her? Surely he didn’t know she felt this way.
“Ash, you’ve been nothing but perfect since you decided to grow up. Sure, you used to help me put frogs in people’s mail boxes but that girl’s gone. You wanted to be perfect and you achieved it.”
She laughed and sat back up. I chanced a glance over at her. The dimple was there as she gazed down at the water.
“If you only knew,” was all she said.
“Tell me.” The words are out of my mouth before I could stop them.
“Why?”
Because I want you. Just you. The girl I know is in there, hiding from the world. I want my Ash back. I couldn’t say it like that. She’d see too much. I had to protect myself.
“Because I’d like to know you aren’t so perfect. I’d like to know the girl I once knew was still in there somewhere.”
She laughed again and pulled her legs up to rest her chin on.
“There’s no way I’m admitting all my faults to you. Considering most of them are just in my thoughts and I’ve never acted on them.”
“I’m not asking for your deep dark secrets, Ash. I just want to know what you could possibly do wrong that makes you feel Sawyer’s got to keep you in line.”
Her cheeks turned pink but she kept her eyes straight ahead. After a few minutes of silence I stood up and stretched.
“That’s fine. I don’t really need you to tell me how you don’t always remember to take the buggy back to the return place in the parking lot or you don’t make it to the nursing home every week.”
I started to walk away, angry at myself for sounding like a jerk.
“Those are things Sawyer has to help me remember . . . but I wasn’t exactly referring to them.”
She said it so softly I almost didn’t hear her. I stopped and turned back to her. She was peering up at me through her wet eyelashes.
“I’m just like any other teenage girl. I envy Nicole because she can be who she wants to be. I can’t. But it isn’t Sawyer’s fault. I’ve never been able to give in to those urges. My parents expect me to be good.”
“You want to be like Nicole?” I asked in horror. She laughed and shook her head.
“Not exactly. I don’t desire to vomit on myself and be carried inside my house drunk . . . or be known as a slut. But just once I’d like to know what it feels like to do more than just kiss. To be touched.” She stopped and turned her gaze back toward the water. “Maybe to know what the thrill of sneaking out of my house feels like or how it feels to be wanted by someone so desperately they can’t help themselves when they kiss me. Maybe, to just feel desirable.” She stopped again and covered her face with both her hands. “Please forget I said all that.”
Talk about an impossible request. I was having a hard enough time breathing.
She let her hands drop away from her face and turned her guilt-ridden expression back up to me. The lost look in her eyes was killing me. I wanted to assure her nothing was wrong with her. I wanted to show her exactly how insane she made me. She stood up.
“So now you know my secrets, Beau. Just like old times. I think that makes us friends again, huh?” The smile on her lips trembled.
Fuck me.
“Yeah, I’d say it does,” I replied as regret consumed me.
