"You're being the diplomat."
"Not at all. It's true."
"I wish I had your patience and understanding of the world, Andre."
Andre was quiet for a moment, and Gabriel assessed he was debating how to respond. "Gabriel, what you call patience and understanding were honed out of a great deal of pain. You do not want to go through what I did in order to gain this level of patience and understanding." The quiet note in the Immortal's voice was like the man himself: much, much more than what was apparent.
"I know much of your history, Andre," Gabriel said. "I mean no disrespect for what you've been through. Someone like you seems more capable of handling all this. I seem to be failing."
"It's a matter of perspective, Gabe. I see you as succeeding in every challenge you've faced."
"It's not enough. The underworld is reflecting my pain. I'm destroying it by not knowing how to be the man it needs me to be," he said in a hushed tone. "It's a lethal cycle."
"Fix it," Andre suggested. "You alone have that power. Stop the cycle, forgive yourself for your past and move on."
"Is it that easy?" Gabriel gritted his teeth to hear the Dark One's advice echoed by someone he respected so much more.
"I imagine it's the hardest thing you've ever had to do, which is probably why the underworld is requiring you to do it," Andre said. "You must prove you can overcome anything, even your past, your emotions and the hold they still have on you, in order to be the deity the souls need you to be."
Your past, your emotions and the hold they still have on you. Gabriel mulled on this phrase, the truth in the words touching him to his core. He'd done his best to change his view of his duty and world, to shift from loyal soldier accustomed to taking orders to the commander giving them. To an extent, he felt he'd succeeded. He was used to controlling every part of his day and world, within the confines of his duty.
Since becoming Death, he'd felt like he and his world were spinning out of control.
Andre was right. The souls and underworld deserved someone better than he'd been. Someone selfless enough to walk through the door in his bedchamber that he'd avoided out of resentment and fear of becoming someone he hated. Someone who wasn't trapped by his past.
How he felt no longer mattered, not when the souls were suffering as they were.
"When you say it, it doesn't sound that bad." Gabriel flashed him a half smile and rose.