But here, in Death's underworld, there were no barriers between living and dead like those that existed in the mortal plane. She was able to live here eternally - with or without a soul.
The process of her soul leaving was painless. It was the realization that she'd failed to win over Gabriel that felt like it was killing her from the inside out. For a moment, she wasn't sure why she needed to leave the cell at all. She'd failed to win the man she loved, failed as a human in every way possible.
She'd once retained the knowledge of the universe, the secrets of deities and stories of every life that ever existed. She'd given up everything, her power, her control - and lost everything she cared about. Nothing prepared her for being human.
Nothing prepared her for failing.
Past-Death leaned against the wall. Tears trickled down her cheeks. Rather than the emotional mess she expected to be, she was numb.
She'd risked everything and lost. The hole growing inside her ached, and she stared blankly into the dark corner opposite her. What did humans do when they ran out of options? Die-dead? Run away? Try again? How did they live like this? What purpose was living in the shadow of someone she loved and spending the rest of her long days knowing she'd driven him away?
How much worse was she as a human that Gabriel had been able to love her when she was a goddess?
Trust. He'd told her it took time to build. Humans by nature didn't have as much time as others in the universe. How much time was required? Two weeks? A month? She'd never bothered to count months before, because they passed in a blink to a deity.
But now, a month seemed like forever, if it mattered at all at this point.
Without the one week bet hanging over her head, she doubted there was any need to rush. If trust took a month, then she only had to figure out one thing: How did she wake up each day knowing she'd lost Gabriel?
Or … did she wake up each day hoping to win back a small part of him?
Or was it simply too late?
Desperation made her hurt from the inside out.
It was the most painful thing she was able to imagine. She'd reached a dead end, one that none of her manipulations and power could help her walk away from.
She had to earn her way out of this mess the way a human did, and she didn't know where or how to begin.
Maybe by saving Deidre. I owe her that much.