“Yeah.” I pulled back so I could see her clearly.
Her hair looked like long, silky strands of black ink and it was everywhere, her mouth was wet and open and her eyes were direct.
“Take me home so we can get naked.”
She didn’t have to ask twice.
Chapter Ten
Georgia
We stumbled out of Kachenga, Ben holding my hand as we walked toward his rental. Thank God it was parked just a few blocks away because my legs were trembling, and the only thing that was keeping me on my feet was Ben—and the shot of adrenaline that was currently letting off sparks everywhere.
My thoughts wandered. They wandered to places that were delicious and exhilarating and hot.
Naked. Me naked with Ben. Ben naked with me. Over me. In me.
My mouth watered at the thought and I tripped over my feet, but he caught me and didn’t break stride.
We didn’t speak on the way home. I think Ben mumbled something about the temperature but I just nodded. It could have been as cold as the Arctic inside his truck, but I was as hot as hell.
Everything inside me was tight and fragile and filled with need. It had been so long since I’d been with anyone that I was scared. Me, the girl who less than a year ago would fuck pretty much anyone she wanted. Back then, I fucked just to fuck.
This was different—Ben was different—and that’s what scared me. It wasn’t the fact that I’d only known him for less than a week, stuff like that doesn’t bother me too much. I mean, I’d had more than a few one night stands, but who hasn’t? I don’t judge.
But, back then I’d been reckless with my body, A) because I felt above it all, as if I could do anything without consequence. And B) I didn’t form an emotional bond with anyone so sex was never about a connection, it was about the moment. It was about getting off and feeling alive...in that moment. It was never about what happened after.
Seamus told me it was because of my condition. That it was common for people with bipolar to be, promiscuous, (a word I fucking hate.) I didn’t consider myself to be promiscuous. I was a girl who liked to have a good time, and I was a girl who liked to have a good time without any strings.
End of story.
I suppose I could have been a little more selective and steered clear of Matt’s boys. But in my defense, there was something insanely hot about hockey players and at the time I was if anything, slightly insane.
So for a while there I was goodtime Georgia, however, I wasn’t dumb and I wasn’t reckless with my safety. I’d never had sex without a condom. Ever. And a few of the guys I’d been with? I’d made them double up because they were whores.
STD’s are nasty shit and the last thing I wanted was to own a defective vagina. That and the fear of pregnancy kept my drawer filled with condoms. I can’t even tell you how many girls I know had had abortions and some more than once. I didn’t get it. It was easy to own your own body these days and to be responsible for every part of it.
But this thing with Ben was different and I was scared because I already felt a connection to him and it was that connection that I craved. What if Ben was just into the sex? Would I be able to handle that? Would I be able to handle being the one left behind?
And why the hell was I feeling like this about a guy I had just met? When had that ever happened to me before? Answer?
Never.
I glanced at him, and instantly my heart took off, running to a beat of want and need and something else. I didn’t want to think too much about the something else so I pushed everything aside and sent Kendall a text.
I basically told her that if she showed up at the loft I would have to kill her.
Her response: u getting laid?
Mine: hope 2
Hers: Shit, Georgie I had the singer 4 me and guitarist lined up 4 u
Mine: you can have them both.
Hers: cool beans. ttyl.
I cracked a smile but it faded when we pulled up to Matt’s building and Ben handed the keys over the garage attendant. We walked inside, still no words between us, and we waved to Eric who was the night guy on our way to the elevators.
It felt like a long ride up though I knew it was less than twenty seconds, but my knees were knocking together so badly I’m sure a moron could have tapped danced to the beat. My stomach rolled and damn, it was hot. So, so, hot.