My nails gripped the armrests of my chairs and felt myself start to lose control. My head started to throb and I just wanted the noise and pain to cease. Someone was laughing at me. Or they could have been laughing at someone else but it felt like it was directed at me. Another warrior rang the shield.
How many more could there possibly be? I barely made it through reciting my line, before the buzzing in my head got louder. It was finally over and I could breathe, but barely. It was time to go outside and do the last thing I felt like doing. Celebrate.
Chapter 9
I felt odd. I was swimming in a sea of faces. Many of them called to me, wishing me well. Others were warriors looking to get my blessing or a token to wear tomorrow. But they were all strangers. My face was stiff from pretending to smile, and my heart was weary with grief. I could feel the pressure build in my mind and I needed to escape. Thankfully, Fenri appeared and pulled me into a dance.
“It seems that you needed rescuing from yourself. You look like the earth is about to swallow you whole.” Fenri smiled and took my hand, guiding me along side him. I watched his feet carefully and mirrored him.
“You have no idea how close you are to the truth.”
He winked at me and I smiled. I felt the load on my soul lighten. Fenri spun me and gripped his hand around my waist to steady me when I overturned. I threw my head back and laughed.
“You looked beautiful tonight, in the main hall.”
I felt my cheeks redden. “Thank you.”
“No, I mean it. It will be an honor to fight for your hand tomorrow. I just wish…No, what I mean is…”
“What?” I asked him. Coming to a halt in our dancing, I pulled him to the side so we could focus on each other. We began to walk away from the center of town and down a rarely used trail than led into the forest.
Fenri seemed frustrated. “I’m sorry for what happened to you. I feel like it was my fault. Maybe if I hadn’t been distracted that day, you wouldn’t have been kidnapped. I feel responsible because I should have been watching over you like I had since we were kids. You disappeared and ended up in Haven in the midst of all of those Denai. We were prepared to take you back by force, but you came willingly. Only you came back different. To protect your secret your Father arranges a great lifemate for you…who you rejected, and now this…The Kragh Aru. Out of the blue you are willing to give yourself away to the winner.” His words slowly slipped from playful to ice cold.
“Fenri?”
“No…Don’t say my name like that.” He dropped his fists to his sides and looked at me like he was the one who had his soul ripped out. “I’m tired of pretending everything’s fine when it’s not. Tell me. What is wrong with me?”
“I don’t understand.”
“Why won’t you become my lifemate? We could have been good together. We were friends growing up, or at least I like to think we were friends. I know you came back different. I saw how you saved your father and whisked arrows in the air without bows. You see I’m worthy to keep your secret.” He turned and began to pace back and forth.
“Yes, you are.” I reached out to touch his shoulder but he shrugged me off. Embarrassed, I gripped my skirt and waited.
“Thalia, people know that your father chose me for you. We both thought you would accept. And since you didn’t, it makes me look bad. It makes me look weak in the eyes of the clan.”
“So this is a pride thing. You’re upset because of how this makes you look in the eyes of others.” I wasn’t expecting this from him and it was making me angry. My temper was something one didn’t mess with.
“Yes!”
“Well that’s not good enough of a reason. I want someone strong, someone that can defend my clan.”
“Thalia, I’m one of the strongest men here and worthy to lead the Valdyrstals. I thought that’s what you wanted, to keep the leadership out of your uncle’s hands. Well, you had the answer. You had everything you could have wanted but you threw it away…and for what?” He pointed to the crowd of warriors at the side who were sparring and setting up their tents in the field behind. “For this?”
“No, for a chance to be free,” I answered, knowing he wouldn’t understand.
“That’s not freedom, Thalia. That is responsibility. Leading a clan is a lot of work. In our province, in our clan, we rule.”
“No, Fenri. My father rules with the elders. And the way you’re acting makes me think that you aren’t ready for that responsibility.”
“And some stranger is?” he argued. “I love this clan; I would die for any of them. I would die for you, so why don’t you want me?”
“It’s not like that.” I tried to console him and I could feel my answers were breaking his heart in two. How could I tell him that there was someone else? That I dreamed of another?
“Then tell me what it is like. Tell me so that I won’t go into tomorrow knowing that the person I love, the person I would give everything for, will reject me in the end.” He turned suddenly and grasped me by the shoulders. I could feel his warm breath brush across my cheeks.
My heart started pounding in my chest, and I felt dizzy and weak. Fenri just admitted to loving me. My mouth felt dry and I tried to speak. He looked into my eyes and I felt my cheeks burn with embarrassment. He saw my reaction and mistook it for favor.
He leaned in to kiss me. It caught me by surprise. The kiss was firm, aggressive, demanding. I expected it to be earth shattering or to feel something. But there was nothing. I let him kiss me, hoping that maybe if my mind didn’t remember him, my soul and heart would. After another moment, I knew that Fenri, memories or not, wasn’t my soulmate.
The sound of branches snapping made us jump apart and I looked around guiltily, as if I had been caught doing something wrong. Well, maybe I had. I used the back of my hand to wipe at my mouth and Fenri turned to stand in front of me.
“Who’s there?” he called out.
“I am, numbskull,” a man called out of the bushes and half fell, half stumbled as he came into view. “You’d think a guy could find a place to relieve himself in quiet without being interrupted none." It was the drunk Stahler. I felt my chin rise in disgust. When he saw me he perked up and ambled over.
“I never got my dance with da girl. I think she owes me a dance. Don’t you sweetie?” He gripped my wrist roughly and pulled me after him.
“Don’t touch her!” Fenri roared out and knocked his hand away from me.
“Ay, that’s not nice. You out here sneakin’ kisses in the dark and all I want is a dance. Seems kinda unfair to me, since she could be mine come tomorrow. Unless she is giving everyone free kisses.” I was surprised when he didn’t back down from Fenri.
“I’m warning you, move away,” Fenri threatened.
“Not without me kiss. Seems like maybe I should be tell’n her father about this. Could cause quite a stir among the men. Might even cause a fight between neighboring clans.” He patted his vest and glared between Fenri and me.
“I’m not kissing you!” I spat out.
“If it’s a fight between clans you want, then you’ve got one.” Fenri pulled his sword from his side trying to intimidate the man into backing down.