I couldn’t sleep. Lying in my bedroll, I stared at the fire until I saw Kael come back to camp. It was the same as before. I felt that I couldn’t fall asleep outdoors unless I knew he was near. As if his presence alone kept the bad things away. Or maybe I knew that if Kael was near, the Septori wouldn’t be able to take me.
Only Kael didn’t put his bedroll anywhere near mine. He set it up on the far side of camp and actually turned his back on me to sleep. I must have angered him. I was frustrated by the fact that for the last three days he’d slept near me, but now he refused. Sleep never came.
A few hours later, a hand touched my shoulder and Darren whispered that it was time for my shift. Wide-eyed and tired, I nodded and stood up. I walked the perimeter of our camp and listened while Darren settled into his bedroll. Within minutes he was asleep.
No one else in the camp stirred. Mona was chained to a tree that was relatively close to the fire. Hemi and Fanny were sleeping around her but out of reach. Joss and Darren snored lightly, and Kael—on the other side of camp from us—never moved. Not a single sound of sleep ever came from him.
I scanned with my senses to see if anyone was near. A badger was digging a burrow, and an owl circled overhead searching for dinner. Other than a few small animals, I couldn’t sense anything larger within a half-mile of us.
Maybe I was becoming lazy and relying on my gifts more than I should. But I let my mind wander, and I kept going back to thinking about Joss.
I had feelings for Joss, and they were growing, but I was also deeply troubled by the doubt I had about our future. When Joss asked if I would be his lifemate as a pretense to finding his sister, my mind had started to consider the real possibility. After all, he had hinted to it possibly leading to more.
We were still young, still unsure. But what would a life with Joss actually be like? Even though I really liked Joss, would that be enough to overcome my reservations?
For one, I didn’t like Skyfell. I hated it—hated flying, hated being imprisoned in the air. Joss was to be the future clanleader of Skyfell, so he had to go back. I was the future clan leader of Valdyrstal. How could both of us uphold our birthrights and be together?
Second, my clan hates Denai, and I wasn’t even sure that they would allow me to lead. Some of my clan already knew what happened to me, and they were willing to follow me, to protect me. Hemi was proof of that. But even if I convinced them or was able to hide what I am from them, they would never ever allow Joss, a Denai, to be my lifemate.
Sighing in frustration, I tried to reason with myself—even to the extent of having pretend arguments with my father and the council to justify being with Joss. And each scenario in my head turned out worse than before. I knew the clan laws; I knew what the punishment would be.
Exile.
Could I live with that? I wasn’t sure. But it gave enough doubt to a viable future that I felt I should try and slow down our relationship.
When my shift was over I was to wake Kael. Walking over to him, I kneeled down and touched his shoulder. A flash of movement, and I flew through the air and landed on my back painfully. The impact knocked the wind from me, and Kael loomed over me, one of his deadly blades pressed to my throat.
I looked up at Kael in confusion. His dark eyes glittered dangerously, and I felt my breath catch in my throat.
“You’re getting careless,” he whispered into the night.
“Whatever are you talking about? I’m waking you for your shift,” I hissed back angrily.
“You are letting your guard down; I could have killed you right then.”
“But you won’t kill me. I trust you with my life.”
Kael didn’t speak. We watched each other silently. He swallowed, and I reached up to touch his hand and move the knife away from my throat. He didn’t look too pleased.
“Thalia, you can’t trust me. You can’t trust anyone,” his eyes burned as they stared into mine. “What happened in Skyfell proved that, and you have to be extra careful.”
“I trust you.” I meant it.
“You’re a fool if you do.”
“Then I’m a fool,” I said solemnly.
A moment of contemplative silence passed as Kael’s mood darkened.
“Thalia, don’t get too friendly with Joss.” Kael warned, his eyes darkening again. “He’s starting to fall for you, and if you’re not careful, he’s going to ask to be bonded to you.”
“Why not? It’s not as if anyone else is dying to choose me,” I snapped back.