“But you said you weren’t entering the Kragh Aru for the prize. You said you were competing so I would be free to help find a way to break the bond. I remember. You said it was a silly marriage game, and once our bond was broken I could be free to make whatever stupid mistakes I wanted.” I was filled with panic, but I wasn’t sure why.
Maybe I had thought so hard and so long about how a future with Joss might be near impossible, that I never bothered to think of a future with Kael.
“I lied.” Kael turned to face me and his eyes bored into mine. “I don’t want the bond broken between us. It has become quite handy when you get in trouble, which is often.” He reached forward and ran his calloused hand gently over the top of my head and down my cheek.
Closing my eyes, I let his words sink deep within my soul and anchor there.
“Later that night, when your cousin Bvork had kidnapped you, I felt like I lost you. And I realized—bond or no bond—I needed you in my life.”
“But you only came after me because of the bond. If you hadn’t you would’ve died, right? Your feelings are misplaced,” I implored.
“Thalia, I followed you to Haven because of the bond and the fear of death. And I know what I said about following you to Valdyrstal. I did try to stay away from you, but I couldn’t. Not because of the pain but because I didn’t want to be away from you. I can still feel you—here.” Kael touched his chest. “I can still feel the magnetic pull of you. I’m drawn to you, Thalia.”
Kael lowered his head and pressed his forehead to mine.
“You didn’t know this, but since the first day I arrived in the dungeon, every time they drugged you and brought you into the laboratory, I was there too. I was chained to the wall, bound, and forced to watch helplessly as they tortured you in the machine.”
“No,” I whispered, my doubt genuine. “I never saw you.”
“But I saw you, Thalia.” He stood. “I watched as they strapped you in and injected you with a serum. I begged them to stop when they started the machine and you screamed until you would pass out.” Kael’s knuckles clenched in frustration and his voice deepened with hate. “I even offered complete compliance, if they would just quit torturing you.”
I blanched at Kael’s offer of utter sacrifice for me.
“They usually drugged me, you know this already. But they promised to take it easier on you, if I complied. They took my blood and did something to it. I felt like they were tearing away a part of my soul, and I watched as they gave it to you. Even then I wanted to rip them apart and kill them. I wanted to protect you to save you. Something started in those moments, and I began to fall for you.”
“I didn’t know.” I choked on my emotion. “I never knew you were there.”
“I didn’t know what to make of these feelings. I’d been angry when Gwen chose Alek, but the feelings I had for her were never like the ones I feel for you. And when I freed you from the prison and saw you, it was almost my undoing.”
I remembered when Kael opened the door to my cell, he refused to touch me. He refused to help me and yelled at me. “I thought it was because you thought I was ugly.” I studied the floor in embarrassment.
“I tried to ignore it, tried to fight it, tried to let my anger cover my feelings. It didn’t work.” Kael paced back and forth like a caged cat.
“That explains why you acted like you hated me.” I wrapped my arms around legs and brought my knees up to my chin.
“I’ve never hated you. I’ve tried to warn you away from me, thinking that you were better off without me. But I’m a selfish person, Thalia. I don’t think you’re better off without me. In fact, I know how much you need me. No one could protect you better than I can. And I don’t want anyone else to try.”
I took in his battered appearance and felt a flood of guilt. He was wounded because of me; he was injured saving me.
“I returned home for two reasons: to ask for forgiveness and to inform them that I intend to take you as my wife. They wouldn’t approve of you without a test of your worthiness.” He smirked. “You must have done well enough because Alba found me and threatened to strike my name from the family scrolls if I didn’t take you as my lifemate. She said I was to ‘get after you right now,’ because apparently you had already left.”
Butterflies filled my heart with joy and I felt like I was soaring. He wanted to be with me. He wanted his clan’s approval and I didn’t find the idea terrible. And then I thought of losing Joss and guilt started to bring me off of the temporary cloud I was soaring on. I caught a glimpse of a shadow of my reflection in the mirror across the room. It was too dark to see clearly, but I knew what I would see. One silver eye. My throat closed up and I quickly turned away, feeling ashamed of myself. I didn’t know what was happening to me, and I didn’t want to involve Kael any more than he already was.
“Regrettably, Kael, I don’t think you should have a monster for a lifemate.”
“But it’s so much more than just lifemate. I feel it here,” he touched his heart. “You’re my soul mate. Only death will part us.”
“That remains to be seen.” I challenged, glaring at him. I still wanted a way to break the bond without killing us. Soul mate meant bond or no bond, our lives would always be tied together. Arguing with him over this was futile—especially when I didn’t understand it all. I wanted the freedom to choose Kael on my own, and now I wasn’t sure if I would ever have it. I turned over to face the wall and pulled the blanket up over my shoulders.
Kael settled in on top of the blankets, close but not touching.
Chapter 14
I awoke the next morning to something warm wrapped around me. I peeked out of my blankets to see Kael’s body spooning me. Somehow during the night, the pillow had disappeared. My head lay on Kael’s arm. I was comfortable and cozy with his left arm lightly draped over my waist. I turned to look at him but his eyes were closed. I tried to move away without disturbing him, but he pulled me closer in protest.
“Mmm, warm,” was all he said before his head dipped and he snuggled into the back of my neck.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“You got cold last night. You started to shiver and you said my name. I’m obligated to protect you, even if it’s from an evil draft.”
“I did not. I had the blanket, and I was fine,” I argued quietly, hoping Joss or Hemi didn’t appear at my door any minute.
“Okay fine, maybe it was me that was shivering and cold last night. But it was the least you could do, since you wouldn’t share your blanket.”
In a final fit, I wrenched the blanket off of me and threw it over the Kael, and I crawled out of bed.
“For a SwordBrother, you sure are a big baby,” I hissed out and kept looking around the room for a decent place to change.
“If I remember right…” Kael pulled the blanket off and stood up to stretch out his long limbs, “…it was always you who couldn’t sleep unless I was near. I think it now goes both ways. I can’t sleep unless I’m warm and close to you.” He smiled at me, and a tingling sensation ran through my whole body.
Just then a loud knock came on my door. Oh no! If Hemi saw Kael in here, I had no doubt he would do some serious physical damage. I ran across the room and opened up the window shutter and frantically pointed for Kael to leave through the window.
