The sweat was standing out on his forehead and his hands were clenched
with the effort he was making, but her head was buried in her hands,
and she did not see the torture in his face, she only heard his soft,
low voice inexorably decreeing her fate and shutting her out from
happiness in quiet almost indifferent tones.
She shuddered convulsively. "Ahmed! I go!" she wailed.
He looked up sharply, his face livid, and tore her hands from her face.
"Good God! You don't mean--I haven't--You aren't----" he gasped hoarsely,
looking down at her with a great fear in his eyes.
She guessed what he meant and the color rushed into her face. The
temptation to lie to him and let the consequences rest with the future
was almost more than she could resist. One little word and she would be
in his arms ... but afterwards----? It was the fear of the afterwards
that kept her silent. The colour slowly drained from her face and she
shook her head mutely.
He let go her wrists with a quick sigh of relief and wiped the
perspiration from his face. Then he laid his hand on her shoulder and
pushed her gently towards the inner room. For a moment she resisted,
her wide, desperate eyes searching his, but he would not meet her look,
and his mouth was set in the hard straight line she knew so well, and
with a cry she flung herself on his breast, her face hidden against
him, her hands clinging round his neck. "Ahmed! Ahmed! You are killing
me. I cannot live without you. I love you and I want you--only you. I
am not afraid of the loneliness of the desert, it is the loneliness of
the world outside the shelter of your arms that I am afraid of. I am
not afraid of what you are or what you have been. I am not afraid of
what you might do to me. I never lived until you taught me what life
was, here in the desert. I can't go back to the old life, Ahmed. Have
pity on me. Don't shut me out from my only chance of happiness, don't
send me away. I know you love me--I know! I know! And because I know I
am not ashamed to beg you to be merciful. I haven't any shame or pride
left. Ahmed! Speak to me! I can't bear your silence.... Oh! You are
cruel, cruel!"
A spasm crossed his face, but his mouth set firmer and he disengaged
her clinging hands with relentless fingers. "I have never been anything
else," he said bitterly, "but I am willing that you should think me a
brute now rather than you should live to curse the day you ever saw me.
I still think that your greater chance of happiness lies away from me
rather than with me, and for your ultimate happiness I am content to
sacrifice everything."