Micha
The pain in her eyes nearly kills me. If it were possible, I'd go back in time and stop her from climbing down that tree that God awful night. Maybe then, I'd still have my best friend.
I decide to make a sporadic stop to try and get Ella out of her own head. I park the car in an open space in front of the small coffeehouse located in the heart of town, between the Stop n' Shop and Bubba's Sports Barn. I shut off the engine and wait patiently for her to scold me.
Her face reddens as she takes in where we are. "Micha, I'm really not in the mood for this right now. I have things to do and so does Lila."
"Come on, you haven't seen me play in ages," I coax, using my best seductive voice. "I'll just do one song. In and out and we're done."
"Sounds cool to me," Lila says from the backseat, finally relaxing a little now that we're far away from Grady's trailer. "I love hearing bands and lead singers are always sexy."
"Micha plays the guitar and sings by himself," Ella says with a flicker of possessiveness in her eyes. "He's not a lead singer. He's a solo singer."
"It's all the same to me." Lila pats Ella's head and in a way I think she's making a private joke with her. "Band or not, a guy who can sing and play is hot."
I grin charismatically and incline over the console. "Come on, pretty girl." I wind a strand of her hair around my finger. "You know you want to come in and watch me be all hot and sexy, singing up on the stage. You know you've missed it."
Her eyes narrow at me as she fights back a smile. "You know that voice doesn't work on me. I've seen you use it too many times on too many girls."
"I haven't used it on a girl since you left." I let the truth fall out. I used to come and go as I please with whoever I wanted, but once things started to change with our friendship, it became clear the void I was trying to fill was in her. "And I don't want to use it on anyone - "
She conceals her hand over my mouth. "I'll go in with you, but only if you stop talking about stuff that makes me uncomfortable."
"Wait. What about my car?" Lila scoots forward and fixes her hair using the rearview mirror. "It's getting late. Won't the shop be closed soon?"
I move Ella's hand away from my lips and entwine her fingers with mine. "We'll make it back in time. I promise."
Ella hesitates, staring at the coffeehouse like she's a mouse about to walk into a lion's den.
I squeeze her hand. "Come on, let's go in. You'll be okay."
She looks at our hands, and then her gaze lifts, giving a fleeting glance at my lips before resolving on my eyes. "Is everyone still hanging out here?"
"Kelly and Mike do and Renee and Ethan," I say. "Grantford doesn't really come around here anymore, though."
Her plump lips curl to a grin. "Because you punched him in the face."
"That might be part of it." I return her smile and let go of her hand to climb out of the car. It feels like I might be getting somewhere with her.
She hops out and stretches, arching her back and sticking out her chest. It makes me want to rip off her shirt, pull her in the backseat, and do things to her I've never done with anyone I've cared about before.
"What are you looking at?" She pulls the bottom of her tank top back over her stomach.
She really has no idea how beautiful she is. She never has. Even back in her punk/goth faze, she rocked the look.
I shake my head, unable to take my eyes off her. "Nothing. Just thinkin'."
She slams the door and we head across the packed parking lot. I rest my hand on her lower back, but she wiggles away and sidesteps around Lila, putting her between us.
I frown. Maybe I'm not doing as well as I thought.
Ella
If he keeps looking at me that way, my restraint is going to melt into a puddle of hot, steamy liquid. Micha has the most piercing eyes in the world, aqua blue, like the sea, waved with equal intensity. He's flirty with me, which he used to do jokingly all the time, and I'd play along.
But this is different somehow, more intense and real. It's like he's throwing his heart into the open, which isn't how he used to be. At least with me. Except for the day I left.
The coffeehouse is cramped with people, even for a Saturday afternoon. Every booth and table is occupied and there's a guy with floppy brown hair playing the keyboard on stage, his voice a little off-key. The baristas are working hard on the long line that extends all the way to the door and in the corner, people are working on their laptops.
"Where are we going to sit?" Lila scans the room. "There's no empty tables."
Micha spots Ethan and Renee at a corner table and waves at them. "Seat situation solved," he says, taking my hand and leading the way to them.
Renee is a short girl that wears heavy eyeliner and has dark red hair. Her hazel eyes zone in on Micha's hand tangled with mine. I attempt to pull my hand away, but Micha strengthens his grasp.
"Hey, Ella." She fakes a smile with her dark red lips. "What ya been up to?"
"Nothing much," I keep it simple, because simple is always better with Renee.
"And so we meet again." Ethan flashes a dimpled grin at Lila and pulls out a chair for her. "You decided to stick around here for a while."
Lila looks up at him as she takes a seat. "Thank you. I kind of had to since my car was trashed last night."
Micha drops down in the last empty chair at the table and starts to pull me down to sit on his lap. My eyes sweep the room in search of an extra chair, but it's so packed that people have to stand near the walls.
"I don't bite, Ella May." There is a challenge in Micha's eyes. "Unless you ask me to."
Everyone at the table is watching me. Not wanting to make a scene, I sink down on his lap. Ethan targets Micha with a bewildered look, which Micha ignores and steals a scone out of a basket in the middle of the table.
He pops it into his mouth. "So what time's Open Mic?"
Ethan's dark eyebrows plunge together. "Why? Are you thinking about playing again? Cause' all I can say is it's about freakin' time."
"What do you mean again?" I ask, grabbing a scone myself. "Why hasn't he been playing?"
Ethan shoves up the sleeves of his shirt, crosses his arms on the table, and directs Micha with their secret-code look I have never been able to crack. I revolve my body to look at Micha, but instantly regret it. His eyes are too intense and I'm thrown out of my element for a second.
"You stopped playing?" I ask him. "Why would you do that? Isn't it your dream still?"
He shrugs, snaking his arms around my waist. "It's not the same without you here watching me."
"There were times I didn't watch you play." I put my hands on his shoulders. "Even when I lived here."
He shakes his head and wisps of his blonde hair fall across his forehead. "That's not true. You never missed one."
I think back, knowing he's right. "I don't want you to stop living your life because I'm not here anymore."
"And I don't want you to be anywhere but here." He squeezes my hip and I instinctively jump at the tingling heat that spirals down between my legs.
"What can I get you?" The waitress interrupts us. We all read off what we want, and the waitress gets particularly giggly when she writes down Micha's order, even though I'm sitting on his lap.
Her name is Kenzie and I've never liked her. She used to help Stacy Harris torment this girl we went to school with, who was in a wheelchair. I casually lean back against Micha's chest, as if I'm doing it by accident. No one seems to notice except for the waitress. And Micha. His heart beat speeds up as if the nearness of my body is driving him mad.
She frowns and tucks the order book into her apron. "I'll be right back with your drinks."
I wait for Micha to call me out, but he stays quiet and keeps his hands on the tops of my bare thighs. I know it's wrong and that he's not mine. I made that clear the day I bailed, but I can't seem to help myself. Ever since we were kids, I always felt the need to keep him away from girls who aren't good enough for him.
Old habits die hard.
Micha
Ethan is looking at me like I'm an idiot. Probably because I'm smiling like an idiot, but I can't help myself. Ella got territorial with the waitress. She's never done that before, not even before she left.
"This band's interesting," Lila hollers over the banjo band playing up on stage. "Is this the kind of music you play?"
Ethan, Renee, and I burst out laughing. Even Ella covers her mouth, trying really hard not to laugh.
"No sweetie, this isn't what I play." I gulp my coffee. "Mines more..."
"Hot and sexy," Ella says and I stare at her. She ignores my gaze and adds, "Think more along the lines of Spill Canvas."
Lila brushes some crumbs off the table. "That band you're always listening to when you're studying?"
Ella nods, but shifts awkwardly. "That's the one."
It makes me feel better that she still listens to the same music. At least that hasn't changed. I keep one hand on her leg, afraid if I release her completely, she'll run off again. I steal another scone from the basket and pop it into my mouth. Lila starts chatting with Ethan and Renee gets on her cellphone.
I sweep Ella's hair to the side and put my lips to her ear. "So you think I'm hot and sexy, huh?"
She bites back a smile, pretending to be deeply immersed in the banjo song. "No, I said your music is hot and sexy."
"It's all the same." I dare a kiss against her shoulder, relishing the softness of her skin, wanting her so God damn bad I'm getting a hard on just thinking about it.
Ella notices it too and squirms around in my lap, making it worse. "Down boy," she jokes with a nervous laugh, then presses her lips together and starts to stand up.
I trap her down by the hips and conform her backside onto my lap. We fit together so perfectly it's mind blowing and all those feelings I felt for her before she left come rushing back to me. I need more of her. Now. Oblivious to everyone around us, my hands gradually slide up her thighs.
"Micha." She protests with a quiver in her voice. "Don't. There are people..."
I silence her as my fingers brush the edges of her skirt. I can't stop - I've been carrying this sexual tension for ages. I started having these feelings for her when we were about sixteen. I ignored them for as long as possible, because I knew she'd freak if she found out. There were a few stolen kisses that I played off, but the night on the bridge, when I finally put it out there, changed everything. She freaked out just like I thought.
Right after she left, I slept around, trying to get rid of the hunger inside of me, but after a while, I realized there was no point. Ella had taken something from me and there was no getting it back, unless I had her.
So I let my hands sneak up the edge of her skirt and her fingers knead into my thighs. I wonder how far I should take this, since we're sitting in a booth in a crowded room, and I almost pull back, but one of her legs falls to the side, and I view it as an open invitation.
"Alright, it's time for open mic." The waitress that undressed me with her eyes speaks into the microphone on the stage. "If you already haven't signed up, you can sign up with Phil over there." She points her finger at the owner, a middle-aged man sitting in the corner next to the speakers.
"I think that's your cue." Ella quickly gets up, thinking she's off the hook.
Before I head up to the signup sheet, I spread my fingers across her lower back and whisper in her ear, "Don't think this is over because it's not."
She shivers and I strut off to the table with a satisfied smile on my face.
"Well, son of a bitch," Phil says from behind the table. He's an ex-band member of an 80's cover band and still looks like he belongs in that decade with his mullet and neon clothes. "Look what the dog dragged in."
"Miss me that bad, huh?" I jot down my name on the signup sheet.
"Are you kidding me?" he asks. "All we've had to listen to for the last few months is banjo music and a couple of hippies playing on the bongos. I swear it's like Woodstock all over again."
I laugh, dropping the pen onto the table. "Well it's nice to know I've been missed, I guess."
Phil fiddles with the volume of the amps. "More than missed. Please tell me you're going to start playing here again. I'm in desperate need of some draw-in. This place is going downhill."
I smile politely, backing toward the table. "Nah, probably not. I don't think I'm going to be sticking around here much longer. I've got places to go, people to see."
On my way back to the table, I cross paths with Naomi. She is Phil's daughter, tall, with long black hair, and she's an awesome singer. I used to play with her back before she went on the road with a band. We were actually pretty close, but I haven't talked to her since she left.
"Oh my God, I'm so glad I ran into you," she says and there's a little bit of red lipstick on her teeth.
"Isn't everyone?" I tease walking backwards.
She laughs and swats my arm. "I see you still have that whole cocky attitude going."
I drop the act. "So you're back in town?"
"Yeah, but only for a few weeks. Can we chat up after you play? There's something I really need to talk to you about. Something huge actually."
"How'd you know I was playing?"
She points a finger at the table. "I just saw you sign up."
"Alright, I'll catch up with you later." I wave good-bye, wondering what she could possibly want.
Ella
Damn Micha. He's killing me with his touches and longing gazes and now he's going to sing. I've always had a soft spot for his voice. We'd sit on his bed and he'd strum his guitar while I sketched. Those were some of the perfect moments in my life.
"Ella, what's the matter with you?" Lila asks with an accusation. "You look a little flushed."
I sip my latte and realign the holder in the center of the table, so I can't see my reflection in the stainless steel. "It's just a little hot in here. That's all."
"Yeah, sure it is." She won't stop looking at me, like she's trying to crack open my head.
As Micha steps onto the stage not too far from our table, my heart starts to chant unspeakable words.
Sitting on a stool with his guitar on his lap he puts his lips up to the microphone, nibbling on his lip ring. "This one's called 'What No One Ever Sees'."
He strums a chord with his eyes locked on me,
"I see it in your beautiful eyes, like a spot on the sun.
The things you want to hide, buried deep inside you.
Blinded by your light.
It almost hurts to look at, almost hurts to breathe.
Never can you look at the things no one ever sees
Shaded by your light.