Jack thought that nothing in this world would ever touch him as deeply as feeling his child in his arms, accepting him.
“Aren’t you having any food?” Melanie asked.
“My mom said if the cook goes hungry, there’s something wrong with the food. I will. I just don’t want to give up my hands right now.”
Melanie smiled. The baby looked like a pink dot against his wide muscled chest; his hand spanning the baby’s back nearly covered her completely. Juliana’s pink pajamas left fuzzies on his navy-blue polo shirt, but he didn’t seem to care.
He held Melanie’s gaze and whispered softly, “I love her already, Mel.”
“I know,” she said, and felt a catch in her throat. “I can tell.”
It was good, too, she thought. He could have ignored her completely and never shown up, never wanted to see his child. It would have been hard to explain later on to her daughter, and it certainly would have made Melanie hate Jack. But that wasn’t what she wanted. He was welcome to be with his daughter.
He shifted the baby into the crook of his arm and reached for his fork. Juliana opened her eyes briefly, then feeling safe, closed them. The man has already charmed his daughter, she thought, because Juliana was rarely content to just sit by while the world went on around her. She always wanted to participate in it, investigating her surroundings, tasting lint and paper, but her daddy made a difference. They had a rapport.
The realization should sting, since Melanie had been doing all the work since Juliana had arrived. But it didn’t. How many times had she imagined Jack holding Juliana? How often had she wished he’d been here to share those first growth spurts, the day the baby could hold a cup, feed herself.
Tears burned Melanie’s eyes and she focused on the meal. She didn’t want to feel like this, confused and needing. She wanted to feel independent and in control.
Jack ate, but he could tell something was wrong with Melanie. She wouldn’t look at him and she barely said a word.
“Well, since I can’t talk about my work, why don’t you tell me about yours?”
She looked up, blinking, and he saw the trace of tears and frowned softly.
“I manage a bank.” She shrugged. “And I’m a troubleshooter for two others. It keeps me busy.”
“What about this guy who called, Michael?”
“He manages one of the other branches.”
“Do you want to date him?”
“No, Jack. I don’t want to date anyone.”
“So you’re going to close yourself off because you have a child?”
“No, I don’t plan to, but she’s young and she needs me right now.” Melanie smiled at her daughter. “I’d rather be with her than out on a date any day.”
Jack released a breath. He could understand that. Being with Juliana was more pleasurable than anything. His gaze snapped to Melanie. Well, almost anything, he thought, then tried to cut the chicken marsala using one hand.
“Can I cut that for you, or do you want to put her in her bed now?” Melanie asked.
He handed her the knife.
Melanie rose up a bit to help, laughing as she said, “I imagined doing this for her, not you.”
“I bet you didn’t imagine doing anything for me.”
Her hands stilled before she went on cutting. “That’s not true.”
“Really?”
“Let me ask you something. What would you have done if you learned I was pregnant when I was pregnant.”
“Come home and married you.”
“I thought so. But you couldn’t come home, so we’d still be just like this. In this situation.”
“I’d have convinced you to marry me.”
“No, you wouldn’t have. It has nothing to do with you, the man. It’s me.” She pushed the plate closer to him.
“Tell me, then.”
“I can’t marry a man for the sake of a child.”
“I know, low expectations, which is garbage, but you and I…we’re good together.”
“In bed, yes.”
“It was more than that.”
She didn’t answer. She couldn’t let herself believe that or she’d be helpless around him, and she was already trying to deal with her need for him. “I don’t know.” She’d made mistakes before and didn’t want to repeat them. She had her daughter to think about now, and what she did affected her, too.
“So you just shut me out?” he said.
She sighed, fingering the stem of her wineglass. She watched her movements. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Jack.”
“And how do you know I can’t? It’s the job, isn’t it.”