Only, Thomas didn't feel so good about it now. All he felt was anger and shame. How could anything justify what they'd done? What WICKED―what they―were doing? Though he certainly didn't think of himself this way, he and the others were just kids. Kids! He didn't like himself very much anymore. He wasn't sure when he'd reached this turning point. But something had cracked within him.
And then there was Teresa. How could he ever have felt so much for her?
Something cracked, then hissed, interrupting his line of thinking.
The door started to open, slowly swinging outward. Teresa stood there in the pale light of early morning, her face streaked with tears. As soon as there was enough room, she threw her arms around him, pressing her face against his neck.
"I'm so sorry, Tom," she said; her tears were wet against his skin. "I'm so, so, so sorry. They said they'd kill you if we didn't do everything just like they told us. No matter how horrible. I'm sorry, Tom!"
Thomas couldn't answer, couldn't bring himself to hug back. Betrayal. The sign on Teresa's door, the conversation between the people in his dreams. Pieces were falling into place. For all he knew, she was just trying to trick him again. The betrayal meant he couldn't trust her anymore, and his heart told him he couldn't forgive her.
On some level, he realized that Teresa had kept her initial promise to him after all. She had done those awful things against her will. What she had said in the shack had been true. But he also knew that things could never, never be the same between them.
He finally pushed Teresa away. The sincerity in her blue eyes did little to diminish his lingering doubt. "Uh ... maybe you should tell me what happened."
"I told you to trust me," she answered. "I told you that bad, bad things would happen to you. But the bad stuff was all an act." She smiled then, and it was so pretty Thomas longed to find a way to forget what she'd done.
"Yeah, but you didn't seem to struggle too much, beating the klunk out of me with a spear and throwing me into a gas chamber." He couldn't hide the mistrust raging in his heart. He glanced at Aris, who looked sheepish, like he'd intruded on a private conversation.
"I'm sorry," the boy said.
"Why didn't you tell me we knew each other before?" Thomas responded. "What ..." He didn't know what to say.
"It was all an act, Tom," Teresa said. "You have to believe us. We were promised from the very beginning that you wouldn't die. That this chamber thing had its own purposes and then it'd be over. I'm so sorry."
Thomas looked back at the still-gaping door. "I think I need some time to process all this." Teresa wanted him to forgive her―for everything to be how it used to be immediately. And instinct told him to hide his bitter feelings, but it was hard.
"What happened in there, anyway?" Teresa asked.
Thomas returned his gaze to her. "How about you talk first, then me. I think I earned that much."
She tried to take his hand but he moved it, pretending he had an itch on his neck. When he saw the flash of hurt cross her face, he felt the slightest bit of vindication.
"Look," she said. "You're right. You deserve an explanation. I think it's okay to tell you everything now―not that we know too much of the why."
Aris cleared his throat, an obvious interjection. "But, um, we better do it while walking. Or running. We only have a few hours left. Today is the day."
Those words jarred Thomas completely out of his stupor. He looked down at his watch. Only five and a half hours remained if Aris was right that they'd reached the end of the two weeks―Thomas had kind of lost track himself, not knowing how long he'd been in the chamber. And none of this other stuff mattered at all if they didn't make it to the safe haven. Hopefully Minho and the others had already found it.
"Fine. Let's just forget this for now," he said, then changed the subject. "Is anything different out there? I mean, I saw it in the dark, but―"
"We know," Teresa interrupted. "There's no sign of a building. Nothing. It looks even worse in the daylight. Just forever and ever of flat wasteland. There isn't a tree or a hill, much less any safe haven."
Thomas looked at Aris, then back at Teresa. "Then what're we supposed to do? Where do we go?" He thought of Minho and Newt, the Gladers, Brenda and Jorge. "Have you seen any of the others?"
Aris answered. "All the girls from my group are down there, walking north like they're supposed to, already a couple miles out. We spotted your friends at the base of the mountain a mile or two west of here. Can't tell for sure, but looks like no one new is missing, and they're heading in the same direction as the girls."
Relief filled Thomas. His friends had made it―hopefully all of them.
"We gotta get moving," Teresa said. "Just because nothing's there doesn't mean anything. Who knows what WICKED is up to? We just have to do what they told us. Come on."
Thomas had been experiencing a brief moment of wanting to give up, to sit down and forget it all―let whatever was going to happen, happen. But almost as fast as it came out, it disappeared. "Okay, let's go. But you better tell me everything you know."
"I will," she answered. "You guys up for running once we're out of these dead trees?"
Aris nodded, but Thomas rolled his eyes. "Please. I'm a Runner."
She raised her eyebrows. "Well, then, we'll just have to see who stops before who."
In answer, Thomas stepped out of the small clearing and into the lifeless forest first, refusing to dwell on the storm of memories and emotions that tried to weigh him down.
The sky didn't lighten much as morning ticked on. Clouds blew in, gray and thick, so thick that Thomas wouldn't have had any idea of the time if it weren't for his watch.
Clouds. Last time that had happened ...
Maybe this storm wouldn't be so bad. Maybe.
Once they left the dense pack of dead trees, they didn't pause. An obvious trail led toward the valley below, switching back and forth like a jagged scar on the mountain face. Thomas estimated it would take a couple of hours just to get to the bottom―running on the steep, slippery slopes looked like a good way to break an ankle or leg. And if that happened, they'd never make it.
The three agreed they'd hike quickly but safely, then book it once they were on flat land. They started down―Aris, then Thomas, then Teresa. The dark clouds churned above them as wind gusted in seemingly every direction. Just as Aris had said, Thomas could see two separate packs of people in the desert below―his Glader friends, not far from the base of the mountain, then Group B, maybe a mile or two farther out.
Once again Thomas was relieved, and his step felt lighter as he made his way.
After the third switchback, Teresa spoke up from behind him. "So, guess I'll start the story from where we left off."
Thomas just nodded. He couldn't believe how good he felt physically―his stomach miraculously full, the pain from being beaten up gone, fresh air and brisk wind to make him feel alive. He had no idea what was in that gas he'd breathed, but it seemed far from poisonous. Still, his mistrust of Teresa itched at him; he didn't want to be overly nice.
"It all started right when we were talking to each other in the middle of the night―that very first one right after the rescue from the Maze. I was kind of half asleep and then these people were in my room, all dressed funny. Creepy. Baggy jumpsuits and goggles."
"Serious?" Thomas asked over his shoulder. They sounded just like the people he'd seen after being shot.
"Freaked me out―and I tried calling to you, but it suddenly cut out. The telepathy thing, I mean. I don't know how I knew, but it just vanished. From then until now it's only come and gone in spurts."
Then she spoke in his mind. You can hear me perfectly now, right?
Yeah. Did you and Aris really talk while we were in the Maze?
Well ...
She trailed off, and when Thomas looked back at her, she had a worried look on her face.
What's wrong? he asked, turning his attention back to the trail before he did something stupid like trip and go tumbling down the mountain.
I don't wanna go into that yet.
"Go―" He stopped himself before he said it out loud. Go into what?
Teresa didn't answer.
Thomas tried as hard as he could to shout inside her mind. Go into what!
She stayed silent a few seconds longer before finally answering.
Yeah, he and I have been talking since I first showed up in the Glade. Mostly while I was in that stupid coma.
CHAPTER 55
It took every ounce of Thomas's willpower not to stop and turn toward her. What? Why didn't you tell me about him back in the Maze? As if he needed another reason to dislike either of them.
"Why'd you guys stop talking?" Aris suddenly asked. "You yappin' about me in those pretty little heads of yours?" Impossibly, he didn't seem the least bit sinister at all anymore. It was almost as if everything that had happened back in the dead forest had been a creation of Thomas's imagination.
Thomas let out a heavy breath that had been building in his lungs. "I can't believe this. You two've been―" He stopped, realizing that maybe he wasn't so surprised after all. He'd seen Aris in the splotchy memories of his most recent dream. He was a part of this, whatever this was. And the way they'd acted toward each other in that brief recall seemed to say they were on the same side. Used to be, anyway.
"Shuck it," Thomas finally said. "Just keep talking."
"All right," Teresa said. "There's a lot of stuff to explain, so from now on just keep quiet and listen. Got it?"
Thomas's legs were starting to burn from their steady pace on the slope. "Okay, but ... how do you know when you're talking to me and when you're talking to him? How does that work?"
"It just does. That's like me asking how you know when you're telling your right leg to move and when you're telling your left leg to move. I just ... know. It's built into my brain somehow."
"We've done it, too, man," Aris said. "Don't you remember?"
"Of course I remember," Thomas muttered, annoyed and frustrated on so many levels. If only he could have everything back―every last memory―he knew the pieces would fall into place and he could just move forward. He couldn't fathom why WICKED felt it was so important to keep their minds clean of memory. And why the occasional leakage lately? Was that on purpose or an accident? A lingering effect of the Changing?
Too many questions. Too many shuck questions, all without answers. "All right," he finally said. "I'll keep my mouth and brain shut. Keep going."
"We can talk about Aris and me later. I don't even remember what we spoke about―I lost almost everything when I woke up. Our comas had to be part of the Variables, so maybe we could communicate just so we wouldn't go crazy. I mean, we were part of setting it all up, right?"
"Setting it all up?" Thomas asked. "I don't―"
Teresa reached forward and swatted him on the back. "Thought you were gonna be quiet?"
"Yeah," Thomas grumbled.
"Anyway, these people came into my room dressed in those creepy outfits and my telepathy with you cut off. I was scared and only half awake. Part of me thought it was just a bad nightmare. Then the next thing I knew, they put something over my mouth that smelled horrible and then I passed out. When I woke up I was lying in a bed in a different room and a bunch of people were sitting in chairs on the opposite side of this weird glass wall. I couldn't see it until I touched it―almost like a force field or something."
"Yeah," Thomas said. "We had something like that, too."
"So then they started talking to me. That's when they told me this whole plan of what Aris and I had to do to you―and they expected me to tell him. By, you know, speaking in his mind, even though he was now with your group. Our group. Group A. They took me from my room and sent me to be with Group B; then they told us about the mission to the safe haven, about having the Flare. We were scared, confused, but we had no choice. We went through these underground tunnels until we got to the mountains―we avoided the city altogether. When you and I met in that little building, and then everything that happened from the time we came down to you in the valley with all those weapons―all of that was planned."
Thomas thought about the sketchy memories he'd had in his dreams. Something told him he'd known that a scenario like this might need to happen before he ever went to the Glade and the Maze. He had a hundred questions to ask Teresa, but decided to hold back for a little while longer.
They turned at another switchback; then Teresa continued. "I only know two things for sure. One, they said that if I did anything against their plan they'd kill you. Said they "˜had other options,' whatever that means. The second thing I know is that the reason for all this was that you had to truly and absolutely feel betrayed. The whole purpose of what we did to you was to ensure that that happened."
Again Thomas thought of the memories. He and Teresa had both used the word patterns right before he left her. What did it mean?
"So?" Teresa asked after they'd walked in silence for a while.
"So ... what?" Thomas replied.
"So what do you think?"
"That's it? That's your whole explanation? I'm supposed to feel all happy now?"
"Tom, I couldn't take any chances. I was convinced they'd kill you unless I went along. No matter what, in the end you had to feel like I'd completely betrayed you. That's why I put so much into it. But why this was all so important? I have no idea."