Brenda reached out, took his hand and squeezed it. He let her, but he didn't squeeze back.
"Thomas?" She said his name even though he was looking right at her.
"Yeah?"
"You didn't just save your own skin, ya know. You saved mine, too. I don't think I could've beaten that Crank by myself."
Thomas nodded but didn't say anything. He hurt inside for so many reasons. All his friends were gone. Dead, for all he knew. Chuck was definitely dead. Teresa was lost to him. He was only halfway to the safe haven, sleeping in a truck with a girl who would eventually go crazy, and they were surrounded by a city full of bloodthirsty Cranks.
"You asleep with your eyes open?" she asked him.
Thomas tried to smile. "No. Just thinking about how much my life sucks."
"Mine does, too. Sucks big-time. But I'm glad I'm with you."
The statement was so simple and so sweet it made Thomas close his eyes, squeeze them shut. All the pain inside him transformed into something for Brenda, almost like what he'd felt for Chuck. He hated the people who'd done this to her, hated the disease that had made all this happen, and he wanted to make it right.
He finally looked at her again. "I'm glad, too. Being alone would suck even worse."
"They killed my dad."
Thomas lifted his head, surprised by the sudden shift in conversation. "What?"
Brenda nodded slowly. "WICKED. He tried to stop them from taking me, screamed like a lunatic as he attacked them with ... I think it was a wooden rolling pin." She let out a small laugh. "Then they shot him in the head." Tears glistened in her eyes, sparkling in the faint light.
"You're serious?"
"Yeah. I saw it happen. Saw the life go out of him before he even hit the floor."
"Oh, man." Thomas searched for words. "I'm really ... sorry. I saw maybe my best friend in the world get stabbed. He died right in my arms." He paused again. "What about your mom?"
"She hadn't been around for a long time." She didn't elaborate, and Thomas didn't push. Didn't really want to know.
"I'm so scared of going crazy," she said after a long minute of silence. "I can already feel it happening. Things look weird, sound weird. Out of the blue I'll start thinking about stuff that doesn't make any sense. Sometimes the air around me feels ... hard. I don't even know what that means, but it's scary. I'm definitely starting. The Flare's taking my brain to hell."
Thomas couldn't handle the look in her eyes; he let his gaze drop to the floor. "Don't give up yet. We'll make it to the safe haven, get the cure."
"False hope," she said. "Guess that's better than no hope at all."
She squeezed his hand. This time, Thomas squeezed back.
And then, impossibly, they slept.
CHAPTER 35
A nightmare woke Thomas―something about Minho and Newt being cornered by a bunch of Cranks past the Gone. Cranks with knives. Angry Cranks. The first spill of blood finally jerked Thomas awake.
He looked around, scared that he'd yelled or said something. The cab of the truck still lay in the darkness of night―he could barely see Brenda, couldn't even tell if her eyes were open. But then she spoke.
"Bad dream?"
Thomas settled himself, closed his eyes. "Yeah. I can't quit worrying about my other friends. I just hate it so bad that we were separated."
"I'm sorry that happened. I really am." She shifted in her seat. "But I seriously don't think you need to worry. Your Glader buddies seemed capable enough, but even if they weren't―Jorge is one tough monkey. He'll get them through the city just fine. Don't waste the stress on your heart. We're the ones you should be worried about."
"You're doing a terrible job of making me feel better."
Brenda laughed. "Sorry―I was smiling when I said that last part, but you couldn't see me, I guess."
Thomas looked at his backlit watch, then said, "We still have a few hours before the sun comes up."
After a short silence, Thomas spoke again. "Tell me a little bit more about what life's like now. They took most of our memories―some of mine came back, but they're sketchy and I don't know if I can trust them. There isn't much there about the outside world, either."
Brenda sighed deeply. "The outside world, huh? Well, it sucks. The temperatures are finally starting to go down, but it'll be forever before the sea levels do the same. It's been a long time since the flares, but so many people died, Thomas. So many. It's actually kind of amazing how everyone who survived stabilized and civilized so quickly. If it weren't for the stupid Flare, I think the world would pull through in the long run. But if wishes were fishes ... oh, I can't remember. Something my dad used to say."
Thomas could hardly contain the curiosity that now raced inside him. "What did happen? Are there new countries, or just one big government? And how does WICKED fit into it all? Are they the government?"
"There are still countries, but they're more ... unified. Once the Flare started spreading like crazy, they combined all their forces, technology, resources, whatever to start up WICKED. They set up this crazy elaborate testing system and have tried really hard to have quarantined areas. They slowed the Flare down, but they can't stop it. I think the only hope is to find a cure. Hope you're right that they've done it―but if they have, they sure haven't shared it with the public yet."
"So where are we?" Thomas asked. "Where are we right now?"
"In a truck." When Thomas didn't laugh, she continued. "Sorry, bad time for jokes. Judging by the labels on the food, we think we're in Mexico. Or what used to be Mexico. It makes the most sense. Now it's called the Scorch. Basically any area between the two Tropics―Cancer and Capricorn―is a complete wasteland now. Central and South Americas, most of Africa, the Middle East and southern Asia. Lots of dead lands, lots of dead people. So, welcome to the Scorch. Isn't it nice of them to send us sweet Cranks down here?"
"Man." Thoughts raced through Thomas's mind, mostly related to how he knew he was a part of WICKED―a huge part―and how the Maze and Groups A and B and all the junk they were going through were parts of it too. But he couldn't remember enough for it to make any sense.
"Man?" Brenda asked. "That's the best you can come up with?"
"I have too many questions―I can't seem to latch on to just one to ask."
"Do you know about the numbing agent?"
Thomas looked over at her, wished he could make out more of her face. "I think Jorge said something about that. What is it?"
"You know how the world is. New disease, new drugs. Even if it doesn't do jack to the illness itself, they still come up with stuff."
"What does it do? Do you have any?"
"Ha!" Brenda shouted it with contempt. "You think they'd give us any? Only the important people, the rich people can get their hands on that junk. They call it the Bliss. Numbs your emotions, numbs your brain processes, slows you down to a drunken stupor so you don't feel much. Keeps the Flare at bay because the virus thrives in your brain. Eats at it, destroys it. If there's not a lot of activity, the virus weakens."
Thomas folded his arms. There was something very important here, but he couldn't put his finger on it. "So ... it's not a cure? Even though it slows the virus down?"
"Not even close. Just delays the inevitable. The Flare always wins in the end. You lose any chance of being rational, having common sense, having compassion. You lose your humanity."
Thomas was quiet. Maybe more strongly than ever before, he felt that a memory―an important one―was trying to squeeze its way through the cracks in the wall blocking him from his past. The Flare. The brain. Going mad. The numbing agent, the Bliss. WICKED. The trials. What Rat Man had said, that their responses to the Variables were what this was all about.
"Did you fall asleep?" Brenda asked him after several minutes of silence.
"No. Just too much information." He felt dimly alarmed at what she had said, but he still couldn't put anything together. "It's hard to process it all."
"Well, I'll shut up, then." She turned away, rested her head against the door. "Push it out of your mind. Won't do you any good. You need rest."
"Uh-huh," Thomas mumbled, frustrated at having so many clues but no real answers. But Brenda was right―he could definitely use a good night's sleep. He got comfortable and did his best, but it took a long time before he finally dozed off. And dreamed.
He's older again, probably fourteen now. He and Teresa are kneeling on the ground, their ears pressed to the crack of a door, listening. Eavesdropping. A man and a woman are talking inside, and Thomas can hear them well enough.
The man first. "Did you get the additions to the Variables list?"
"Last night," the woman responds. "I like what Trent added for the end of the Maze Trials. Brutal, but we need it to happen. Should create some interesting patterns."
"Absolutely. Same with the betrayal scenario, if that ever has to play out."
The woman makes a noise that must be a laugh but that sounds strained and humorless. "Yeah, I had the same thought. I mean, good Lord, how much can these kids take before they'll go crazy on their own?"
"Not just that, it's risky. What if he dies? We all agree that by then he'll surely be one of the top Candidates."
"He won't. We won't let him."
"Still. We're not God. He could die."
There's a long pause. Then the man says, "Maybe it won't come to that. But I doubt it. The Psychs say it will stimulate a lot of the patterns we need."
"Well, there's a lot of emotion involved with something like that," the woman answers. "And according to Trent, some of the hardest patterns to create. I think the plan for those Variables is just about the only thing that will work."
"You really think the Trials are going to work?" the man asks. "Seriously, the scale and logistics of this thing are unbelievable. Think of how much could go wrong!"
"Could, you're right. But what's the alternative? Try it, and if it fails, we'll just be in the same spot as if we'd tried nothing."
"I guess."
Teresa tugs on Thomas's shirt; he looks to see her pointing back down the hall. Time to go. He nods, but leans back in to see if he can catch one last phrase or two. He does. It's the woman.
"Too bad we'll never see the end of the Trials."
"I know," the man answers. "But the future will thank us."
The first purple traces of dawn were what woke up Thomas the second time. He couldn't remember stirring once in his sleep since his middle-of-the-night talk with Brenda―not even after the dream.
The dream. It had been the strangest one yet, lots of things said that were already fading, too difficult to grasp and fit into the pieces of his past that were slowly, very slowly, beginning to come together again. He allowed himself to feel a little hope that maybe he wasn't in on as much to do with the Trials as he'd begun to think. Though he hadn't understood much in the dream, the fact that he and Teresa had been spying meant they weren't involved in every aspect of the Trials.
But what could the purpose of all this be? Why would the future thank those people?
He rubbed his eyes and stretched, then looked over at Brenda―her eyes still closed, her chest moving with slow and even breaths, her mouth slightly open. Though his body felt even stiffer than the day before, the restful slumber had done wonders for his spirit. He felt refreshed. Invigorated. Somewhat perplexed and brain-dead over his memory-dream and all the things Brenda had told him about, but invigorated all the same.
He stretched again and was just letting out a long yawn when he saw something on the wall of the alley. A large metal plaque, riveted to the wall. A sign that looked very familiar.
He pushed the door open and stumbled out onto the street and over to it. It was nearly identical to the sign in the Maze that had said WORLD IN CATASTROPHE―KILLZONE EXPERIMENT DEPARTMENT. Same dull metal, same lettering. Except this one said something very different. And he stared at it for at least five straight minutes before he moved an inch.
It said:
THOMAS, YOU'RE THE REAL LEADER
CHAPTER 36
Thomas might've gone on looking at the plaque all day if Brenda hadn't come out of the truck.
"I was waiting for the right time to tell you," she finally said, completely snapping him out of his daze.
He jerked his head to look at her. "What? What're you talking about?"
She didn't return his gaze, just kept staring at the sign. "Ever since I found out what your name was. Same with Jorge. It's probably why he decided to take his chances and go with you through the city and to this safe haven of yours."
"Brenda, what are you talking about?" Thomas repeated.
She finally met his eyes. "These signs are all over the city. All of them say the same thing. Exactly the same thing."
Thomas felt a weakening in his knees. He turned around and sank to the ground, resting his back against the wall. "How ... how is this even possible? I mean, it looks like it's been there for a while. ..." He didn't really know what else to say.
"Don't know," Brenda answered, joining him on the ground. "None of us knew what it meant. But when you guys showed up and you told us your name ... well, we figured it wasn't a coincidence."