“They said you were super talented,” Phoenix pressed.
“I don’t know about that. I’ve been playing most of my life though,” I answered truthfully. I embraced the distraction from Ryder’s intense focus and line of questioning.
“So you’ll play for us then?” Phoenix asked so casually I almost didn’t catch the weight of his words.
“What do you mean? For Sugar Skulls?” I asked a bit hysterically.
“Yeah, we’re looking for a keyboardist,” Phoenix’s eyes lit up with excitement and expectation while Ryder stilled to stone next to me. “We need you, Ives.”
“No, I don’t think you do,” I backtracked quickly. “I’ve only ever played classical. I wouldn’t even know how to go about playing with you guys. Plus, it will mess up your whole look if you add a girl. It’s cool that you would think of me, but honestly I would be more work than it’s worth.”
“Don’t be so modest, Red,” Ryder chided with a challenge. “I’ll help you out, help you get the feel of playing with a band. It will be good for you. Expand your horizons and all that.”
I cleared my throat nervously. “My mom probably isn’t going to be Ok with it.”
Phoenix’s entire body sagged with disappointment. His eyes pulled into huge, cartoonish versions of sadness and his lower lip slipped out into the most pathetic pout. “Aw, Ivy, we need you. Come on, don’t you want to help out your friends?”
“It’s not that. I mean, I would if I could. But you guys probably have lots of practices, plus the gigs and I don’t think I can commit to all of that right now. Don’t forget, I’ve never even played in a band before. I’ve never had to try to play with anyone. It’s probably outside of my skill set. I just don’t want to disappoint you guys, that’s all.” I hurried through my list of excuses trying to convince them to look elsewhere but I went wrong somehow. They only seemed to grow more determined the farther down my lame pile of excuses I got.
“How about we just start with one song, yeah?” Ryder asked just a fraction more gently but it was enough to break down my resolve. “You play one song with us and decide from there.”
I hesitated, wanting to say yes, but needing to say no.
Phoenix looked at me expectantly, the energy in his body slowly building again until he
bounced with the restrained excitement. “Come on, Ivy, we need you.” he pleaded with me, his hands pressed together in prayer position.
I opened my mouth to say yes when the office door flung wide and Mrs. Tanner hauled her large frame through the narrow space and gasped in horror at our little pow wow. “What is going on out here?” she snapped, her beady eyes falling immediately on me.
“Hall pass!” Phoenix held up the awkward wooden board with an abrupt swing of his arm and started walking backwards toward his classroom. “Check you guys later.”
I waved at Phoenix limply and waited for Tanner the Wench’s wrath. I leaned back against the wall Ryder was resting on and worked my expression into bored. Not that I wasn’t feeling the sharp pangs of panic, but it was more important to piss Mrs. Tanner off than anything else in the world.
“Where’s your hall pass Ivy Pierce?” Mrs. Tanner snapped.
“I don’t have one. Yet,” I clipped the “t” sharply just to get under her skin.
“Ryder? Please don’t tell me you’re abusing your office aide privileges with her,” Mrs. Tanner asked desperately in a high shriek.
Before he could even speak, a pang of guilt punched me in the stomach and I knew I had to salvage what was left of Ryder’s reputation. “Not to worry, T. Ryder wouldn’t be caught dead helping the likes of me. He’s smarter than that, aren’t you Ryder?” But before he could answer I pushed off from the wall and walked purposefully toward my locker located on the opposite end of the hall. “He was in the middle of sending me to you.”
“You’re not getting a pass from me,” she laughed bitterly and shook her head, gray tinged hair flying.
“That’s what I told him,” I tossed my thumb over my shoulder and rolled my eyes for her benefit. “I’d much rather take the detention than have to deal with you this early in the morning anyway.”
“Careful little girl or it will be worse than a detention,” Mrs. Tanner hissed.
I mashed my lips together dramatically and then zipped them closed with my forefinger and thumb before walking on. I didn’t even bother to stop by my locker. I shoved my cropped jacket into my backpack on my way to class and didn’t slow down until I had been reprimanded by my Government teacher and slid to safety in the seventies era desk.
My heart hammered in my chest, pounding out my guilt and shame for including Ryder on the rollercoaster I lived on. He was crazy to spend more time with me, to ask questions about my life. So much could happen to him, to me…. to us.
And yet my hand still vibrated with little tingles where he touched me.
The morning of classes was a blur of movement and confusion. I knew I went to all of my classes, and walked through the halls to get there, but my mind stayed busy with thoughts of Ryder. Always Ryder. I went over his song, the car ride home last night, his interaction with Nix and then again this morning over and over and over until I felt a little bit crazy. The constant argument of whether he was drawn to me because of my curse or that I was completely misreading his intentions warred back and forth in my head until the voices felt like they were screaming at each other.
By the time I walked into lunch I gave up trying to declare a clear winner and gave into the fuzzy haze of exhaustion instead. I avoided the buffet line completely and wandered over to Chase, hoping to extract the easy warmth he readily gave out. The rest of our little group was stretched out on the long benches, munching away at their meals, completely blind to the turmoil spinning inside me.
“Hey,” Chase murmured against my hair before he pressed a kiss to my temple.
“Hey,” I sighed right back, leaning into him. Instant relief settled over me and I felt myself take my first full breath of the morning.
That is until I lifted my eyes and accidentally met Ryder’s disapproving stare from across the table. His granite eyes were back and colder than ever. He shook his head slowly as if I didn’t feel bad enough from just the look he sent me. His eyes shifted to Chase for just a second before coming back to me. His message was clear.
Just last night Nix gave me a direct order to date him for two more weeks. But Ryder was right. I couldn’t keep stringing Chase along. I couldn’t treat him like this. Not when he had been so great to me. A shaky breath vibrated through me and I pulled my courage together.
Knowing Nix was out of the country might have helped too.
“Hey, can we go somewhere?” I asked in a subdued voice so only Chase could hear.
“Sure,” he smiled down at me until he noticed my expression. “Everything ok?”
“Let’s just go somewhere,” I stood up quickly and fled from the cafeteria with all of its prying eyes. I felt Chase close behind me but didn’t turn around until we had slipped out a west side door that faced the art museum. The drizzle had stopped for now, but the gray October sky promised more rain to follow. The grass between the school and marbled art museum was brown with the threat of winter and soggy and slick with mud.
“Ivy?” Chase asked when I kept my space from him outside and crossed my arms.
“Chase,” my voice faltered before I even started with the hard stuff. “You’re really great-“
“Oh, no,” he sighed. He ran his hands over his face roughly and then had to push his dirty blonde hair out of his eyes. “I’m not going to like this am I?”
“I jumped into this too soon, I think,” it felt weird being truthful with him. But this was the truth. I was breaking up with Chase for all the right reasons, even if I would have done the same thing for the wrong ones. “I’m just not ready for any kind of relationship. Not even a slow one.”