“Scared you?” Ryder glanced over at me, his charcoal eyes darkened to black in this light and his eyebrows pulled together in concern. I wanted to be honest with him. I wanted to tell him the truth.
See? Dangerous.
“I like you,” I admitted out loud and then realized what that sounded like. “Shoot. I mean, I like you as a friend. You’re a…. friend. And I don’t have many of those. I just don’t want to jeopardize what we have here.”
“Oh you mean the constant bickering and fighting? Me either. I love that,” Ryder half laughed, half winced.
“Yes,” I smiled at him. “I don’t get to do this with anybody else. Nobody else…. fights with me.”
They control me. Or they use me. But I wasn’t about to say that either.
“And me writing a song about you is going to change that? You know it wasn’t like a love song or anything, right?” Ryder asked, his gravelly voice deep with concern.
“Please, I know that. You practically called me an evil bitch on stage to a room full of people. I am perfectly aware of how lacking in love that song was,” I rolled my eyes even though he was watching the road.
“So what’s the problem?”
Before I could stop myself I opened my mouth and spewed…. truth. “I just want to make sure we stay friends. If you haven’t guessed, I have kind of an… f-ed up home life. And…. if we were anything more, anything like… together, I would have to give this up. Not that we would be or anything. I mean, not that you’re interested. But as long as we remain just friends, it doesn’t really matter. Friends is fine. But never anything more.”
“Ivy, I only like you as a friend,” he promised with heavy tones of sadness.
“This isn’t reverse psychology, Ryder,” I snapped, angry that he thought this was my plea for attention. “I’m serious. I can be friends with you but nothing more. You might not like me now or even ever, but I just want you to know if there is ever anything between us, I mean, even the smallest spark I am walking away from you immediately. There can’t be anything, ever, or I will never see you again.”
“Ok, yeesh. I got it! It’s not something we need to worry about right now anyway,” he said carefully. He glanced over at me again, but I was too embarrassed to look at him to see what his expression was doing now. Finally, after several long minutes he asked quietly, “What about Chase?”
I took even longer to answer, digging deep for courage. This would be a lie, but a necessary one. “Things aren’t really working out for Chase and me. He’s a really nice guy and all, but-“
Ryder fell back against his seat like I knocked the wind out of him. His jaw turned to stone and his hands gripped at the steering wheel angrily. Finally when we pulled up to the full block long circular drive in front of my apartment building Ryder threw the Bronco into park and looked over at me.
His narrowed eyes were calculating and made me shrink under their intensity. He was pissed. So much more than pissed. There was a muscle ticking in his jaw and his intensity radiated off him like heat.
“You know I’m going to have to tell him,” he finally announced with deadly calm. “He’s my friend. And he likes you Ivy.”
“You don’t understand,” I mumbled weakly. And he never would.
“I guess I don’t,” he grunted. “Want to explain it to me?”
“I can’t,” I practically whimpered.
Never before had I felt this bad. Well, except for Sam, but that wasn’t until the night of the accident, until after our relationship screwed up his entire future. But this had to be worse. This was judgment, cold, hard and final. I didn’t even need to go through the whole “stay away from me” speech. Ryder would have no problems keeping his distance after this conversation.
“Blackheart?” he mumbled into the awkward silence.
“Blackheart,” I confirmed. He finally got it at least. Well, his song proved that he understood, but now he got it, it would settle into whatever left over good thoughts he had about me and ruin them.
“I wanted to be wrong.” His words were soft and sad in his voice, but dug into my heart like a dagger.
“But you weren’t,” I mumbled. Unwanted tears started to prick at the backs of my eyes and I willed myself not to show emotion in front of Ryder. He couldn’t get it. He wouldn’t get it, if I was honest with myself. Nobody could.
A sharp rapping on the window caused us both to jump in our seats. Ryder’s window was being assaulted by angry pounding and I leaned forward so I could see around him, see why somebody was so desperate to get our attention.
“Shit,” I groaned. “Shit. Shit. Shit.” Not very ladylike, I know.
Ryder rolled down his window to address the angry man standing outside. “Can I help you?”
“Ivy?” Nix demanded, panicked and mad as hell. “What are you doing in this car? Are you Ok?”
I bit back a thousand sarcastic remarks. Of course a car like this would startle Nix. He probably thought the driver was some homicidal maniac trying to kidnap me. Or he sensed the difference in Ryder from wherever the hell he was before now and had to come investigate what was up.
Or maybe he just saw me with another guy and transformed into the possessive psychopath he really was.
Had he been waiting for me? Or was this a coincidence?
“Uh, Nix, this is my friend Ryder. He gave me a ride home tonight,” I explained in my softest, most patient voice ever. I shot Ryder a calming smile and willed him to return it.
“I hope this car is safe, young man,” Nix turned his blindingly handsome face on Ryder and his voice turned cold and authoritative. Nix was just crazy enough to believe Ryder would be his competition and if I didn’t separate them soon, Nix would also be holding a verbal pissing contest. Not really fair for an ancient douchebag to go up against an innocent-vaguely-naïve-high-school-kid…. But that was Nix. Nothing stood in the way of what was his.
“Absolutely,” Ryder answered. “I would never intentionally hurt Ivy, Sir.”
I bit back a groan and then had to sit on my hands to keep from slapping them over my eyes. I could not watch this. This was going to end badly.
First the song and now this? I was not sure the night could get worse.
“Well, since you’re her friend, why don’t you join us upstairs for a while? Ivy’s mother and I would love to get to know one of her school friends better. Especially one she trusts to drive her home.”
Ryder sent me an encouraging smile, probably hoping he was doing me a favor. Holy, hell he probably thought Nix was dating my mom…. Probably some father-figure in my life.
I was wrong. So wrong. This night could definitely end worse.
And why was Ryder suddenly being nice to me? I so wished he would have just told me to piss off and then left me on the sidewalk.
“Sure, I have a few minutes before curfew,” Ryder answered with a friendly-love-me smile, totally the polite gentleman.