The Rocker Who Holds Me (The Rocker 1)

“My nurse is going to come in and take some blood. Don’t freak out because she is going to take several vials.” She glanced at Jesse. “Make sure she eats soon.” He nodded. “I want to do an ultrasound but my tech is out sick today. Can you come back in the morning?”

I was glad for the delay in the ultrasound. I wanted Nik with me for that. He was the father, the man I loved. He should be with me to see something that magical. My first one had left me in love with a being that I hadn’t known existed. I was sure that the experience would leave him just as moved.

After we left I felt just a little light headed from the blood work and Jesse helped me out to the SUV. I was more than happy to hand over the keys so that he could drive. A quick stop at a McDonalds because I wanted a Big Mac with bacon and we were headed back to the beach house.

I was happy to get home. I couldn’t wait to talk to Nik about going to the doctor with me the next morning. The rush of seeing our child while it moved inside of me was going to be something that will be one of the biggest moments in his life. I was sure of it.

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As soon as Jesse had the SUV put in park I jumped out of the vehicle and practically skipped inside. “Nik?” I called out his name, but there wasn’t anyone in the house. Movement out on the beach caught my attention and I turned to see Nik, Drake, and Shane out on the beach with a group of girls in bikinis.

My excitement evaporated.

As I moved closer to the French doors that lead outside to the beach my heart cracked open. Nik had two of the five girls wrapped around him. He was laughing and shaking his head at something that Shane was saying. Boobs that had to be three sizes bigger than my own rubbed against his chest as it shook with laughter.

“Are we having a party?” Jesse asked behind me.

I swallowed around the lump in my throat. “Looks like it. But I don’t think we were invited.” Disgusted I turned and headed for the stairs. “So, are you going to go with me in the morning?”

“I thought you wanted Nik to go with you.”

“I don’t want anything from Nik!” I assured him as I climbed the stairs.

Chapter 15

Pregnancy hormones are a scary thing. They leave you in a piling heap of snotty tissues and damp pillows. They make you think things that you never normally would think about. Like running away from the only life you have ever known, from the people who have always protected you and loved you. They make you mad at the world.

I locked myself in my room and turned on my computer. We have only been on this stupid vacation for less than a week and I was ready for it to be over with. I wanted Nik and the others gone. I wanted them to leave. I wanted…

I didn’t know what I wanted, okay!

Ever since I was five my guys have been in my life. When I went to live with them at the age of fifteen I knew that I was finally home. They were my safe haven. I always thought that as long as I had those four men with me I would never have to worry about anything every again. But now I’m contemplating living them behind! That was the scariest thought that has ever run through my brain.

I spent three hours searching for exactly what I wanted and then pulled up my checking account to see what I had to play with. I had three million dollars in my savings and a little over one in my checking. Yes, Rich paid me very well.

Call me a coward. I don’t care. But I wasn’t going to stick around and be subjected to more of what I had witnessed when I came back from the doctor. I wasn’t emotionally stable enough to keep hiding my feelings for that stupid man and I would be damned if I would let him have that kind of power over my emotions once he realized that I was in love with him.

Packing my things is something I have become an expert with. It took me less than an hour to get everything I needed into my cases. After a shower I sat on the edge of my bed and waited for the house to grow quiet. There had been music playing down on the beach but I hadn’t left my room to check out what was happening. From the giggling females and the deep male laughter it didn’t take much to figure out that they were having a hell of a good time.

Around two the music stopped. A while later there were doors slamming shut and I finally went out to check on everything. The house was dark. Everyone was in bed, or had left since they had all decided that women would not be staying in the house. I refused to check Nik’s room to find out what category he was in. If I found him not in bed then I was sure that I wouldn’t survive.

Back in my room I used my cell to call for a taxi and then wheeled my luggage down stairs as quietly as I could. The driver was just pulling up in the driveway when I saw a light turn on upstairs.

My heart stopped when I realized that it was Nik’s room. The curtain twitched and I saw his face appear in the window. I turned away and started throwing my things into the back of the cab before the driver could get out.

There was only my big case left. I was frantic to leave. The driver picked it up just as the front door opened and Nik came running. “Em!”

“Please hurry.” I begged the little old man.

“Stop!” Nik shouted. “What the fuck are you doing?” I reached for the door to the back of the taxi but he reached me before I could get it open. His fingers locked around my arms and jerked me around to face him. “Where are you going?”

“Away.” I spat the word at him.

The street lamp cast enough light that I saw his face was livid and pale. “The fuck you are! You aren’t leaving. You can’t leave.” His voice cracked and his hold on my arms tightened causing me to winch in pain, but he didn’t release me. “Get back in the fucking house.”

“Why?” I demanded. “Why should I stay here? So that you can torment me with all of those skanks? So that you can rub it in my face with what I can never have?” A humorless laugh escaped me. “Thanks, but no thanks. I’m tired of it all. Tired of seeing the different women flowing in and out of your bed. Tired of dreaming of something I know I can never have.”

“What are you talking about?” He demanded. “There hasn’t been anyone in my bed in months! Jesus Christ, Emmie. Are you blind? Can’t you see how I feel about you?”

His question confused me. I couldn’t help the frown that wrinkled my brow. “What feelings?”

He closed his eyes and shook his head. “Please, Em. Come back into the house and let’s talk. Don’t leave, baby. Please don’t go.”

I didn’t know what I should do. My brain was screaming at me to get in the taxi and go. That this wasn’t the life I should bring my child into. How could I possibly bring a child into our world that was full of nothing but partying and women for my guys? But my heart was fighting with my brain, demanding that I shut up and go with Nik.