The Rocker Who Holds Me (The Rocker 1)

Seeing the indecision on my face Nik looked at the driver and asked the man to unload my things. He tipped the man generously then held onto me until the taxi had pulled out of the driveway and disappeared into the night before reaching for my suitcases. “Come on, baby.” He urged softly.

Mutely I followed him into the beach house. He dropped my cases in the hallway by the door and then grasped my hand. Nik tugged me up the stairs and into his room where he locked his door and then pushed me to sit on the edge of his bed. Still holding onto my hand he crouched down in front of me, forcing me to look at him.

“Where were you going to go, Em?” He whispered in a hoarse voice.

I shrugged. “Somewhere were there aren’t groupies and skanks everywhere I turn.”

Nik grimaced. “Are they really that upsetting to you? Now, after all the years you have lived with us?”

I glared down at him. “What do you think? Should I want to have this baby and subject it to all those sluts on a daily basis? Should I let her see what you are really like; the egotistic rocker who has to have all his adoring groupies hanging off his arm while I, her mother, have to watch from the side lines?”

His head snapped back as if I had physically slapped him. “That’s how you feel? Like you have to watch from the side lines?” He released my hand and cupped my face in his hands. “Don’t you know that I want you beside of me? You and only you?”

My snort was not pretty. “That’s pretty hard to imagine, Nik. What with yesterday and those sluts pushing me away from you so fast. And today with two skanks rubbing against you like they were in heat.”

“So you are jealous!” He grinned and I wanted to punch him. Or maybe even kick him where he would feel it the most. I was debating between the two when he laughed in pure delight and I decided that smacking him felt better.

That knocked the smile off his face. He stared up at me in complete surprise, his fingers touching the angry red hand print on his face. “I’m so glad that you find rubbing those whores in my face so funny. Who the fuck cares that a little piece of my heart dies every time I see it, right?”

“Oh sweetheart.” He shook his head. “You have really got to open those beautiful green eyes of yours.” He took my stinging hand that was red from slapping him and kissed the aching center. “The only reason those girls were in my arms was so that I could find out the truth. Yesterday I suspected, but today confirmed it.”

“What are you talking about?”

A small smile tilted up his lips. “I had to know for sure. That you feel just as deeply as I feel for you. Em, you have been driving me insane with jealousy. Do you know that I have come close to killing my best friend a hundred different times in the past six months?”

My eyes widened in surprise. “Jesse? Why would you do that?”

“For the same reasons why I went crazy when you told me you were pregnant. I didn’t want anyone but me to be able to touch you. You are mine, Em. It’s taken me forever to admit that to myself, but when I did I couldn’t stand the idea of Jesse or Axton or someone else so much as holding your hand let alone touching you.” He shook his head. “The night Ax took you to the hospital? He called me ten times before I picked up. I had watched you let him kiss you. Fuck I couldn’t see straight I was so jealous. And then I played that song and expected you to jump into my arms when I walked off stage…

“But you were gone. I went crazy with rage. Stormed off and refused to answer my phone when Axton first started calling. I had no idea what had happened to you. So when I finally listened to one of the messages he left I...” He broke off, swallowing hard. “You were so sick and there I was acting like some petulant child because you weren’t falling into my arms like I had been dreaming about.”

Remembering his song made my heart ache. I had tried to forget that Nik was in love. “I didn’t stick around long to listen to your song. I started throwing up when I realized that you were…in love.” The last word came out a whisper and I had to bite my lip to keep it from trembling.

Nik leaned forward on his knees until I felt his breath on my neck. “Sweet, sweet Emmie.” He murmured. “Still so blind. How can I open your eyes, baby girl? Do you need me to spell it out? Have I been such a fool in not realizing that you couldn’t see just what you have done to me?” His lips brushed against the sensitive spot just below my ear, causing me to shiver. “Yes, I am in love. There is this Ember in my heart that has hold of me and won’t let go.” He sang the last part and tears spilled from my eyes.

I have been blind.

I have refused to see that while I was trying so desperately to hide my feelings for Nik, he has been trying to show me his own. Things have never been the same between me and him as they were between me and Jesse, Drake, or Shane. There was always some invisible string that connected us, that held onto my heart in a different location than where the others were lodged. I knew it when I came to live with them at fifteen. I knew it and I refused to see because when you have nothing you fight for everything that you do have and are too scared of losing it.

That was why my stolen night with Nik was so easy to take and keep safe in my heart. That was why it was so easy to love the baby growing inside of me. Nik and I were meant to be together.

“I love you, Em. With everything inside of me I love you. You are my favorite dream come to life and I never want to let you go.” His lips caressed my eyes, sipping at my tears. “I need you to breathe. You keep the world afloat when everything is going insane.”

“I have loved you for so long, Nik.” I whispered. “You were my dark prince in rusty armor when I was a kid. Now you have become my reason for getting up each morning. The last few years, watching you have a revolving door of one night stands, has slowly killed me. I instantly hate any female that looks at you.”

“Oh baby, I’m sorry. I had no idea.” He cupped my face. “They didn’t mean anything, Em. I swear it. They were just something that distracted me from doing what I knew I shouldn’t. When you came to live with us I wanted you then. I thought I was turning into some demented pedophile and I hated myself.” Nik blew out a frustrated sigh, and I understood his reasons for hating himself for those feelings. I wasn’t the only one with a horrible childhood… “Then I realized it was just you, but that didn’t make me feel any better. So I used the other girls to take my mind—and other things—off of what I wanted most.”