I didn’t deserve that.
Sure as hell didn’t deserve something as fresh and fucking pure as Josie, because that’s what she was. Totally untouchable.
It took everything in me to move my hands up and off her, and she stayed still, her breath coming in quick, short pants. I forced my hands to the mattress on either side of her as I stood and leaned over her.
“You want to know something?” I asked, my lips so close to her cheek I could almost taste her skin. “Sucked today or not, nothing in the sky is shining brighter than you.”
And then I pushed up off the bed, and I left with her calling out my name like a church bell leading a sinner to the promise—to the illusion—of salvation.
Chapter 23
IN A blur, days turned into weeks faster than I could ever imagine they would, taking me further away from the life I had known and turning it into something foreign. Hours during the day were spent getting to know all the different areas in my body that could hurt, places I’d never even thought about before.
My legs felt like they had permanent shin splints from running in the evenings. It didn’t matter if it was indoors or outdoors. My thighs ached from the uneven terrain when we were outside, and from when we were inside, and Seth jacked up the treadmill incline to run-or-die levels. The cheeks of my butt hurt from both the running and falling on them. I didn’t even want to think about my back, because the word b-a-c-k made it ache.
About a week into training, I’d finally taken a fall correctly. Once in an entire day, and it wasn’t until two days later that I was able to consistently land the correct way, but in the big scheme of things, that was a minor triumph, even though Luke and Seth insisted it was a big deal. But after learning how to take a fall without knocking the air out of my lungs or giving myself a concussion, I had to learn how to get back up.
Quickly.
And like a ninja.
Seth and Luke had taught me that I didn’t want to roll up or get up by turning my back on the attacker, which was a big duh, but they expected me to get up just by pulling my legs in and propelling myself onto my feet.
What?
So this new phase of training had my stomach muscles feeling like someone had karate-chopped my nonexistent abs and my b-a-c-k was hurting even worse because I’d finally been able to get myself off the ground, kind of horizontally¸ only to fall right back down. It took almost another week for me to learn that I needed to roll onto my shoulders and to gain enough force when swinging my legs back down to propel myself up.
Then I spent another two days doing this repeatedly until the guys figured it was time to move onto defensive techniques, which resulted in lovely shades of purple, blue and red up and down my arms.
After the training sessions, I usually ate dinner in the cafeteria with Deacon and Luke, and there I saw more aspects of this strange world. I got to see pures using the elements to do things, like moving their plates or chairs without touching them, or causing it to rain over the unsuspecting heads of other students.
Other than Deacon and Luke, no one else really warmed up to me, even though a lot of them ended up watching the three of us train. The chick named Thea, with the huge boobs, was there every other day visually molesting Seth, and I didn’t want to think about what it could mean.
Seth hadn’t spent an entire night with me since our first night at the University. And while I knew I shouldn’t be affected by his absence and I understood there was no reason for us to keep sharing a bed, I missed it, especially after he left in the evenings.
Another torturous ritual had begun after the first night of training, when Seth had given me that downright frustrating backrub. Every night since then, barring the random days off, after I ate dinner and then showered, Seth would show up with the jar that seemed to be bottomless.
We would chat for a little while, sometimes talking about nothing important, like what character we thought would be the last man standing on The Walking Dead or who was the better Winchester brother. Other times, the conversations ran deeper. He’d talk a little more about his mother and how beautiful she was, and what it was like to be shipped off to a school in a remote land. And I would tell him what was like to spend my summers on the lake and how lonely it was during the school year. Then I would lie on my belly with my shirt tucked under my breasts and Seth would apply the ointment, and when that ointment was gone from the slightly rough fingertips, he didn’t stop. Not right away, at least.
His fingers and hands had mapped out every dip and curve of my back and sides. He was intimately familiar with each small ridge in my spine and the line of my shoulders. His touch… I don’t know if it was because of what he was or because of who he was, it was like lightning in a bottle for my senses. From the moment he’d touch me, my body warmed—liquid heat pooled deep in my core and simmered in my veins. My breathing became more shallow with each passing moment and a different kind of ache invaded my body.
I was totally aware of how my body responded, how my hips would twitch and how I’d press my legs together to try to elevate the tension building. And he had to have known what he was doing to me, the state he was leaving me in.
And he did leave every night, and I had no idea where he went. Back to his room? Out somewhere on the campus? Because I knew there were parties. I heard Deacon talking about them. I couldn’t imagine that he was spending every night by himself, especially since I also knew he was just as affected by the nightly rub-down as I was. When he’d stand to leave, I could see how affected he was. He wanted me, but he didn’t act on it, and I couldn’t help but wonder if that meant he was acting on it elsewhere.
Sometimes he brushed my hair back from my face before he left. Other times his hands just lingered on my hips when he stood. Last night he had kissed my cheek, but he’d still left.
“You look like you’re about to fall asleep,” Deacon commented, drawing my attention to where he sat across from me. We’d broken for lunch, and Seth had gone off wherever he went. I grabbed a quick sandwich with the boys in the cafeteria. “Do I need to get you a pillow?”
I smiled tiredly. I hadn’t been sleeping well, partly due to thinking about things I didn’t want to think about. Like my grandparents. Like my missing mom. Like how much I missed Erin. And like how much I sucked at training.
And the fact Seth had my body wrung so tight I felt like I was going to snap didn’t help.
“I’m good.” I picked a huge slice of tomato off my sandwich.
Luke finished off his mammoth bottle of water. “How was this morning?”