“I think you’re going back a little too far.” Luke has his hood pulled over his head and a leather band on his wrist that has the word redemption on it. I wonder if it means something to him or if he believes in redemption. I wonder if I believe in it. He stretches his arm in front of me and flips open the glove box. “Back to the eight-track era.”
I cringe at how close he is, but then release the tension, refusing to go back to that place. I zip up my jacket, because it’s cold inside due to the fact that they keep rolling down the windows to smoke.
It’s early in the morning, the sun is kissing the frosted land, and the highway is a hazard from last night’s storm so we have to drive slowly. There are a few cars stuck in the mounds of snow in the strip of land in the center of the opposing traffic and people have turned off onto the ramps because they’re too afraid to drive.
Luke and I are used to it though. It’s the conditions we grew up in.
Seth slaps his hand away from the glove box and Luke looks at me in disbelief, but I just laugh. “No, eight-tracks were still in play in the eighties.”
“Early eighties,” Luke corrects. “They faded out by mid-decade.”
I laugh because they are fighting over something so ridiculous and I’m tired and nervous and my head’s in a very strange place. “You guys are fighting like an old married couple.”
As soon as I say it, I want to take it back, because I’m not sure how Luke will take it.
When I look at Luke, he seems perfectly fine. He shrugs and then sticks his hand into the glove box and pulls out a tape labeled Let’s Get High. “Whatever,” he says and feeds it into the tape player. “As long as I’m the guy in the relationship, it’s all good.”
Seth rolls his eyes. “Whatever, you’d totally be my bitch and you know it.”
That’s it. I can’t hold it in any longer. My body falls forward as I cover my mouth and my shoulders shake as I laugh into my hand. “Oh my God, I can’t believe you just said that.”
“Yes, you can.” Seth pats my back. “I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t say the first thing that pops into my head.”
He’s right. Seth is blunt and funny and he totally says whatever the hell he wants. And I love him for it. I sit up, wiping the tears from my eyes, and then give him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Thank you for making me smile,” I say.
He grins. “Anytime, sweetheart.”
Luke shakes his head, but there’s a grin on his face so I know he’s not offended. I like Luke. He’s not judgmental and he seems accepting. I almost lean over to hug him and then realize how weird it is because it doesn’t freak me out. What does that mean?
Crap. What does that mean?
“Come on Eileen,” by Dexy’s Midnight Runners, blasts out from the speakers.
“This is so eighties,” Seth says and begins snapping his fingers and bobbing his head. He really starts to get into it, shaking his hips and shimmying frontward and backward. “Come on, Callie, you know you want to dance. It’ll make you smile even more.”
I grin from ear to ear. “No way.”
Cold air fills the cab as Luke cracks the window. The lighter flicks and then the smell of cigarette smoke flows through the air.
Seth keeps dancing as he reaches into the pocket of his hoodie and takes out his pack of cigarettes. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Luke bobbing his head as he sucks on the end of his cigarette.
He takes a long drag, and then puckers his lips and a thin trail of white smoke laces out of his mouth. Seth starts thrusting his hips wildly as he flicks the end of his lighter and puts it up to the tip of the cigarette. The paper curls in and turns black as he takes a long drag. The car starts rocking as the chorus comes on and both the guys really start getting into it. The smoke burns my lungs and the cold causes goose bumps to sprout all over my arms. I experience almost every single detail of the moment and I decide to experience it all.
“Oh fine, what the hell.” I start lifting my shoulders up and down to the rhythm and Seth grins at me.
“That’s my girl,” he says and blows out a cloud of smoke with his lips puckered out.
We both start doing this funny jiving thing with our hands and Luke laughs as he cranks up the music. For a second I transform myself into a dancer. When the chorus hits again we all take a deep breath and belt out the lyrics at the top of our lungs. I raise my hands above my head and shut my eyes. It’ll be all right.
It’ll be all right. Kayden will be all right.
Because I’m here, dancing, smiling, and sitting between two guys, and if that can happen, then anything’s possible.
Kayden I’ve been in the clinic for a week now and today should be a really good morning. Doug has informed me that I can have visitors outside of family and that I can make a few phone calls throughout the day. When he gives me time to make the phone call, however, I get stuck on who to call. My first instinct is to call Callie, but I haven’t talked to her since it happened and I’m not sure she wants to talk to me after finding me like that. The idea of finding out scares the shit out of me. Besides, I’m trying to keep my distance and protect her from me because the last thing she needs is my instability and fucked-up head.
I dial Luke’s number and lean back in the bed, watching the storm outside my window as the phone rings and rings.
“Kayden?” he says, sounding confounded. There’s an eighties song playing in the background and I can hear a lot of giggling.
“What’s up?” It sounds so stupid after I say it. There’s a long pause and then someone starts singing really loudly and really off key. “Is that Seth in the background?”