But now he had given way, and with infinite sensual violence
gave himself to the realization of this supreme, immoral,
Absolute Beauty, in the body of woman. It seemed to him, that it
came to being in the body of woman, under his touch. Under his
touch, even under his sight, it was there. But when he neither
saw nor touched the perfect place, it was not perfect, it was
not there. And he must make it exist.
But still the thing terrified him. Awful and threatening it
was, dangerous to a degree, even whilst he gave himself to it.
It was pure darkness, also. All the shameful things of the body
revealed themselves to him now with a sort of sinister, tropical
beauty. All the shameful, natural and unnatural acts of sensual
voluptuousness which he and the woman partook of together,
created together, they had their heavy beauty and their delight.
Shame, what was it? It was part of extreme delight. It was that
part of delight of which man is usually afraid. Why afraid? The
secret, shameful things are most terribly beautiful.
They accepted shame, and were one with it in their most
unlicensed pleasures. It was incorporated. It was a bud that
blossomed into beauty and heavy, fundamental gratification.
Their outward life went on much the same, but the inward life
was revolutionized. The children became less important, the
parents were absorbed in their own living.
And gradually, Brangwen began to find himself free to attend
to the outside life as well. His intimate life was so violently
active, that it set another man in him free. And this new man
turned with interest to public life, to see what part he could
take in it. This would give him scope for new activity, activity
of a kind for which he was now created and released. He wanted
to be unanimous with the whole of purposive mankind.
At this time Education was in the forefront as a subject of
interest. There was the talk of new Swedish methods, of handwork
instruction, and so on. Brangwen embraced sincerely the idea of
handwork in schools. For the first time, he began to take real
interest in a public affair. He had at length, from his profound
sensual activity, developed a real purposive self.
There was talk of night-schools, and of handicraft classes.
He wanted to start a woodwork class in Cossethay, to teach
carpentry and joinery and wood-carving to the village boys, two
nights a week. This seemed to him a supremely desirable thing to
be doing. His pay would be very little--and when he had it,
he spent it all on extra wood and tools. But he was very happy
and keen in his new public spirit.
He started his night-classes in woodwork when he was thirty
years old. By this time he had five children, the last a boy.
But boy or girl mattered very little to him. He had a natural
blood-affection for his children, and he liked them as they
turned up: boys or girls. Only he was fondest of Ursula.
Somehow, she seemed to be at the back of his new night-school
venture.