His brow was furrowed in concentration and I could tell he was getting worked up emotionally, but his gaze was still open to me.
Slowly, feeling like I was exposing myself to be run through with a knife I asked, "Didn't you ever wonder how I paid for college Koke?"
He looked away from me and said, "A buddy of mine said he thought he saw you or your twin look-alike flashing a crowd in one of those college girl gone wild videos. I never wanted to ask you about it. Figured it was private and I really didn't actually believe it could be you, but it was wasn't it?" He asked as he returned his gaze to stare at me and I nodded in confirmation, even as I felt myself bust up inside a little more as I saw some of my brother's respect for me die in his eyes.
"That was how it started. I made good money on the videos. I saw how hard you worked at three jobs to get through medical school and I didn't want that. I wanted more free time and the ability to go out with my friends and buy nice things. The money from the videos helped fund that lifestyle, but my college debt was racking up and my credit cards were all but maxed out. I had received offers before, but I'd turned them down. Then one day I didn't turn them down. The offers were for leading roles in porn movies and in men's magazines. I knew it was wrong, but the other things were more important to me and I needed the money. I hid it from you and I wouldn't have done it actually if I thought you would've found out. I knew you didn't look at or watch porn though so I thought it was a safe bet that I'd get away with it."
Keko got up and began to pace back and forth in front of me. I watched him my heart broken inside of me at how stupid I had been in my youth to put material things on such a high pedestal that I was now seeing the loss of something priceless.
Keko finally spoke and his tone expressed his outrage even as he fought hard to keep it tightly restrained in his effort to sound understanding, "So you had sex with men on live shot porn videos and stuff like that?"
"Worse." I said in a small voice.
He stopped pacing then and looked at me closely, "How could it be worse?"
I couldn't meet his eyes and I dropped mine downward as I finished the sad tale, "You know I don't like to be touched by men, because of the kind of things that went on when we were kids. When I signed up I had the choice to star opposite of male actors or female actors. I chose to be with the women instead. I thought a woman's touch would be less objectionable."