“You’ve done well,” Kevin tells me as we walk. “I’m honestly impressed with the progress you’ve made so far. Not all returners are so cooperative.”
“Thanks,” I say, the pass burning a hole in my hand, proving that his trust is misplaced. “I appreciate you saying that.”
“Realm told me you were remarkable in The Program, and now I see it.” He pauses. “You know, I was at your house that day. I was one of the handlers who brought you to the facility,” he says softly. “And you were . . . really sick. I’m so glad to see you healthy now. I’ve really been pulling for you.”
I can feel the color drain from my face when he says this. “You were there?” is all I can mumble. Oh, God. They took me from my own house?
Kevin nods and puts his hand on my shoulder. “I was. And when Realm contacted me about your release, I was hesitant. I didn’t think you’d be a good candidate, but now I see it. You’re very clever.”
“Candidate for what?”
Kevin motions toward the office door as if reminding me that I have therapy. As he holds it open, he smiles. “I’ll have Realm get in touch with you soon,” he says. “I think that’d make you both pretty happy.”
“I would love to see him.”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
He leaves, but I’m stunned, standing in the middle of the front office. Kevin has seen a side of me that I can’t remember. He said I’d been really sick. I can’t even picture it.
“Can I help you?” the secretary asks, startling me.
I look at her and then check back over my shoulder to make sure Kevin is gone. When I’m sure he is, I smile. “Hi,” I say. “Mr. Bellis wanted copy paper?”
• • •
I hurry through the empty halls and stash the ream of paper in my locker. My heart is racing with the worry of getting caught, but I feel alive right now—as if I’m escaping more than just fifty minutes of class. I start toward the back door, hoping to sneak through it toward the far lot.
When I get outside, I remember about the football field. “Damn it,” I murmur. Even though sports aren’t played anymore, they’ve kept the lawn intact, even mowing it short. But it rained heavily last night and the field looks half-flooded. It’s the only way to the far lot unless I walk around the building, possibly getting seen by the front office. I sigh and move closer to the field to check it out.
The air around me is warm from the sun. It smells new and clean, and I’m suddenly reminded of the times I spent camping with Brady. Sometimes it would pour rain, and we’d be stuck in the tent, playing cards and eating beef jerky. It was still fun, though. We always had fun.
As my sneaker squishes in the wet earth, I think about how much I miss Brady. It’s like my memories of him end with us happy. Just happiness and then he’s gone, a quietness in its place. I wonder how I handled losing him. My mother said it was tough on me, but I wonder if I was brave. Or I wonder if his dying was what finally broke me.
“Sloane!”
I jump and spin around, nearly wiping out on the field as I see James jogging up, his cheeks pink from running. The sun reflects off his hair, casting him in gold. I hate how gorgeous he is.
“Are you trying to get me in trouble?” I ask the minute he’s in front of me, breathing hard. I look behind him to make sure no one’s watching, but he just smiles.
“Define trouble.”
I shake my head and turn, starting across the field, even though my sneakers are getting sucked into the mud. “Freaking hell,” I say, trying to jump from grass patch to grass patch.
“So you skip class too?” James asks.
“Obviously. But I don’t try to get caught by yelling people’s name across the field.”
“Are you pissed because I had a minibreakdown in the car?”
I stop, and James bumps into the back of me, nearly sending me headlong into the mud. I grab for his shirt and he grabs for my hand and soon we’re both off balance. When we’re finally standing straight, our feet are practically on top of each other’s, James holding me by the wrist. I worry that someone will see us like this. He shouldn’t be this close. And he definitely shouldn’t be looking at me like that.
“I have to go,” I say, yanking away. Only when I do, James’s foot slides in the mud and then he’s falling back, landing faceup in a pile of mud.
“I am so sorry!” I say, putting my hand over my mouth. But instead of jumping up and trying to clean himself off, James starts laughing hysterically.
“You did that on purpose,” he says. “You’re so dead.” He gets up, trying to grab for me, but his knee slides, and he ends up sprawling out on his stomach, covered in mud from head to toe. “Oh my God,” he says. He rolls over and lands with a splat right next to my feet, and I can’t stop myself from bursting out laughing.
“You laughing at me?” he asks, still staring up at the sky.
“Yes,” I say immediately. “I absolutely am.”
He lifts his head, mud smeared on his ear, and grabs my pant leg. “Oh, yeah?”
“Don’t you dare.”
He knots the jean fabric in his fist, yanking on it playfully. “Do you like getting dirty?”
“I will beat you senseless.” I see where he’s smeared mud on my clothing already. I’m afraid he might actually drag me down with him. “I have no problem kicking your balls,” I add.
He chuckles and pulls me again, making me stumble, but I correct myself before I fall. Around us the world smells like earth and life. I try to pull from his grasp without letting my other sneaker slip in the mud.
“James,” I say calmly, “let me go or I swear I’ll scream.”
“Really? You would get me thrown back into The Program?”
And when I think about it, I know I wouldn’t. I kick his hand and yank back, but my other sneaker flips out from under me and I fall.
James swears and moves quickly, trying to catch me, but I’m faceup in the mud before he can. The cool, mushy earth surrounds me as I catch my breath.
“Sloane?” James is kneeling next to me, looking concerned. “I wasn’t really going to pull you into the mud.”
I stare back at him, my fingers digging into a clump of mud at my side. James actually looks worried. He’s such an idiot. With a fierce right hook, I smash a handful of mud on the side of his face, catching him completely off guard as he falls to his side. The minute he’s down I start taking clumps of mud and grass and throwing them at him, burying him.