And here in this stairwell, I’ve never been so happy to see greasy food—almost like a little piece of home, which I guess is sad in a way.
Realm comes to sit next to me, reaching in the bag to take out a napkin, which he lays on the stair. He pulls out a box of McNuggets, folding back the cardboard and then dumping some fries in the top.
I immediately dive in, even though I have a ton of questions. “How did you get this?” The food is a little cold but still so good. Better than the mashed and bland starches we’ve been getting here.
“I have a friend who has a friend.” He smiles and puts a fry into his mouth.
“What? Realm, can you get us outside?” I ask, my mind suddenly flooded with dreams of escape. He widens his eyes at my reaction.
“No,” he says. “Of course not. My charms go only so far, and sweet-talking my way into some drive-through isn’t the same as a jailbreak. I just thought . . .” He looks down. “Shit, Sloane. I thought this would cheer you up.”
I feel horrible and ungrateful, and I reach out to touch his hand to get his attention. “Sorry,” I say. “This is awesome. And it does cheer me up.” I force a wide, overly enthusiastic grin. “See?”
Realm chuckles, a soft smile staying on his lips as we go back to eating.
“So how did you know about the chicken nuggets?” I ask, pulling my leg underneath me and settling in.
“Finally got my hands on your chart. Imagine my surprise when Dr. Francis noted that you were craving them. Did you really tell him that?”
“Yes.” I laugh and slap his shoulder. “But you can’t read my chart!”
“I can, but I definitely shouldn’t. You won’t tell on me, will you? Are you a rat, Sloane?” He looks at me suspiciously.
“I’m not going to sell you out, but you have to tell me what you read.”
He stiffens at this, and then scratches his chin. “Um . . . not much.”
A wave of sickness washes over me. “You’re lying.”
Realm’s eyes meet mine. “Who’s James?”
The tender way he asks makes me nearly fall apart. How can I even explain who James is to me? “He was everything,” I say. “And now he’s nothing.” I close my eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I hear Realm say, feeling him touch my knee. “I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
I sniffle and wipe away the tears just as they start to brim over. “It’s okay,” I say. “I’ve just had a bad day. And—”
“I reminded you how much life sucks. I really am sorry.”
“Don’t be,” I whisper. “James is my boyfriend, but—” I stop, not wanting to admit that James didn’t remember me. As if it proves that I didn’t mean that much to him.
“He was in The Program too,” Realm says quietly. “It’s in your file.”
I nod. “They came and got me about a week after he returned.”
“Did he know you?” Realm asks, sounding anxious.
“No.” Saying it is like a punch in the gut.
Realm doesn’t try to say it’s okay or offer any hope of James remembering. Instead he points to the last McNugget. “You going to eat that?” he asks.
I stare at him. “You just made me cry and now you want my food?”
He shrugs. “I just asked if you were going to eat it.”
I laugh then, pushing the box in his direction. “It’s all yours. I think I might puke from eating so fast.”
He pauses with the food halfway to his mouth. “Thanks for oversharing, Sloane.” He eats the chicken anyway, and then we pick through the fries before cleaning up, the grease clinging to my fingers, but it’s not gross. It’s almost a relief compared to how scrubbed and antiseptic I feel in this facility.
“Hold up,” Realm says, handing me the bag. He pulls the door open and then puts his eye to the crack. “All clear.”
He motions me forward, and we sneak back inside, giggling as we run down the hallway. We’re almost back to the leisure room when we see Nurse Kell turn the corner and spot us. Realm instantly grabs the McDonald’s bag and tosses it into an empty room, the trash sliding under a bed.
“Where have you two been?” Nurse Kell asks.
“Just giving her the tour,” Realm says, putting his arm around me as if we’re best friends. It occurs to me that he is my best friend, at least in here. Nurse Kell eyes us for another second longer and then nods toward the leisure room.
“All right then,” she says. “The boys are looking for you, Michael. You’re late for your card game.”
He thanks her, and we start heading off when Nurse Kell calls me back. “For you,” she says, holding out a Dixie cup. I peek inside and see a bright-yellow pill.
“Why? I feel fine.”
“Doctor’s orders, dear.” She hands me a cup of water, and I take the pill, anger starting to well up inside me again.
“I thought he was going to lower my dosage,” I snap at her. “Guess not, huh?”
“Go back to your friends now, Sloane.” She smiles and brushes my hair off my shoulder. But I push her hand away and go into the leisure room.
• • •
“Where’d you go?” Realm asks when I sit at the table with him and the guys. They’d already dealt me in, and I pick up my cards.
“Nurse Kell wanted to make sure I stayed obedient,” I tell him.
“I like the sound of that,” Derek says, and they start laughing. Realm just eyes me with concern.
“Hey!” A voice cuts through the air, and I turn to see Tabitha making her way over, her red hair pulled into a messy knot on top of her head. “Realm, I thought you said you weren’t letting anyone else play.”
He sighs, but looks up at her sweetly. “Hello, Tabitha. I’m sorry, but the table is full.”
“Then why does she get to join? That’s not fair, Realm. You promised.”
“Next time, okay?” He smiles at her. She shoots a hateful look in my direction, and then nods sadly before stumbling away.
The guys don’t joke this time and instead start playing the round. She just had this conversation and yet she comes back, like part of her brain is broken. She took QuikDeath, and I wonder if Miller had survived, if he’d—
A thick, choking grief envelops me at the thought of my friend. My Miller, so lost and alone even though we were right there. I’ll never see him again.