Never till then was she acquainted with the dreadful inquietudes that
flow from jealousy and distrust; she had applied all her cares to
prevent herself from falling in love with the Duke de Nemours, and had
not before had any fear of his being in love with another: though the
suspicions which this letter had given her were effaced, yet they left
her sensible of the hazard there was of being deceived, and gave her
impressions of distrust and jealousy which she had never felt till that
time; she was surprised that she had never yet reflected how improbable
it was that a man of the Duke de Nemours's turn, who had showed so much
inconstancy towards women, should be capable of a lasting and sincere
passion; she thought it next to impossible for her to be convinced of
the truth of his love;
"But though I could be convinced of it," says
she, "what have I to do in it? Shall I permit it? Shall I make a
return? Shall I engage in gallantry, be false to Monsieur de Cleves,
and be false to myself? In a word, shall I go to expose myself to the
cruel remorses and deadly griefs that rise from love? I am subdued and
vanquished by a passion, which hurries me away in spite of myself; all
my resolutions are vain; I had the same thoughts yesterday that I have
today, and I act today contrary to what I resolved yesterday; I must
convey myself out of the sight of the Duke de Nemours; I must go into
the country, however fantastical my journey may appear; and if Monseur
de Cleves is obstinately bent to hinder me, or to know my reasons for
it, perhaps I shall do him and myself the injury to acquaint him with
them." She continued in this resolution, and spent the whole evening
at home, without going to the Queen-Dauphin to enquire what had
happened with respect to the counterfeited letter.
When the Prince of Cleves returned home, she told him she was resolved
to go into the country; that she was not very well, and had occasion to
take the air. Monsieur de Cleves, to whom she appeared so beautiful
that he could not think her indisposition very considerable, at first
made a jest of her design, and answered that she had forgot that the
nuptials of the Princesses and the tournament were very near, and that
she had not too much time to prepare matters so as to appear there as
magnificently as other ladies. What her husband said did not make her
change her resolution, and she begged he would agree, that while he was
at Compiegne with the King, she might go to Colomiers, a pretty house
then building, within a day's journey of Paris. Monsieur de Cleves
consented to it; she went thither with a design of not returning so
soon, and the King set out for Compiegne, where he was to stay but few
days. The Duke de Nemours was mightily concerned he had not seen Madam de
Cleves since that afternoon which he had spent so agreeably with her,
and which had increased his hopes; he was so impatient to see her again
that he could not rest; so that when the King returned to Paris, the
Duke resolved to go to see his sister the Duchess de Mercoeur, who was
at a country seat of hers very near Colomiers; he asked the Viscount to
go with him, who readily consented to it. The Duke de Nemours did this
in hopes of visiting Madam de Cleves, in company of the Viscount.