"Having said this, the Queen left me without waiting for my answer; you
may imagine how full my thoughts were of what she had said to me; the
two days she had given me to consider of it I did not think too long a
time to come to a resolution; I found she had a mind to know if I was
in love, and that her desire was I should not be so; I foresaw the
consequences of what I was going to do, my vanity was flattered with
the thought of having a particular interest with the Queen, and a Queen
whose person is still extremely amiable; on the other hand, I was in
love with Madam de Themines, and though I had committed a petty treason
against her by my engagement with the other woman I told you of, I
could not find in my heart to break with her; I foresaw also the danger
I should expose myself to, if I deceived the Queen, and how hard it
would be to do it; nevertheless I could not resolve to refuse what
fortune offered me, and was willing to run the hazard of anything my
ill conduct might draw upon me; I broke with her with whom I kept a
correspondence that might be discovered, and was in hopes of concealing
that I had with Madam de Themines.
"At the two days' end, as I entered the room where the Queen was with
all the ladies about her, she said aloud to me, and with a grave air
that was surprising enough, 'Have you thought of the business I charged
you with, and do you know the truth of it?' 'Yes, Madam,' answered I,
'and 'tis as I told your Majesty.' 'Come in the evening, when I am
writing,' replied she, 'and you shall have further orders.' I made a
respectful bow without answering anything, and did not fail to attend
at the hour she had appointed me. I found her in the gallery, with her
secretary and one of her women.
As soon as she saw me she came to me,
and took me to the other end of the gallery; 'Well,' says she, 'after
having considered thoroughly of this matter, have you nothing to say to
me, and as to my manner of treating you, does not it deserve that you
should deal sincerely with me?'
'It is, Madam,' answered I, 'because I
deal sincerely, that I have nothing more to say, and I swear to your
Majesty with all the respect I owe you, that I have no engagement with
any woman of the Court.' 'I will believe it,' replied the Queen,
'because I wish it; and I wish it, because I desire to have you
entirely mine, and because it would be impossible for me to be
satisfied with your friendship, if you were in love; one cannot confide
in those who are; one cannot be secure of their secrecy; they are too
much divided, and their mistresses have always the first place in their
thoughts, which does not suit at all with the manner in which I would
have you live with me: remember then, it is upon your giving me your
word that you have no engagement, that I choose you for my confidant;
remember, I insist on having you entirely to myself, and that you shall
have no friend of either sex but such as I shall approve, and that you
abandon every care but that of pleasing me; I'll not desire you to
neglect any opportunity for advancing your fortune; I'll conduct your
interests with more application than you can yourself, and whatever I
do for you, I shall think myself more than recompensed, if you answer
my expectations; I make choice of you, to open my heart's griefs to
you, and to have your assistance in softening them; you may imagine
they are not small; I bear in appearance without much concern the
King's engagement with the Duchess of Valentinois, but it is
insupportable to me; she governs the King, she imposes upon him, she
slights me, all my people are at her beck. The Queen, my
daughter-in-law, proud of her beauty, and the authority of her uncles,
pays me no respect. T