The nature of her disease gave her a prospect of death both near, and
at a distance, and showed her the things of this life in a very
different view from that in which they are seen by people in health;
the necessity of dying, to which she saw herself so near, taught her to
wean herself from the world, and the lingeringness of her distemper
brought her to a habit in it; yet when she was a little recovered, she
found that Monsieur de Nemours was not effaced from her heart; but to
defend herself against him, she called to her aid all the reasons which
she thought she had never to marry him; after a long conflict in
herself, she subdued the relics of that passion which had been weakened
by the sentiments her illness had given her; the thoughts of death had
reproached her with the memory of Monsieur de Cleves, and this
remembrance was so agreeable to her duty, that it made deep impressions
in her heart; the passions and engagements of the world appeared to her
in the light, in which they appear to persons who have more great and
more distant views. The weakness of her body, which was brought very
low, aided her in preserving these sentiments; but as she knew what
power opportunities have over the wisest resolutions, she would not
hazard the breach of those she had taken, by returning into any place
where she might see him she loved; she retired, under pretence of
change of air, into a convent, but without declaring a settled
resolution of quitting the Court.
Upon the first news of it, Monsieur de Nemours felt the weight of this
retreat, and saw the importance of it; he presently thought he had
nothing more to hope, but omitted not anything that might oblige her to
return; he prevailed with the Queen to write; he made the Viscount not
only write, but go to her, but all to no purpose; the Viscount saw her,
but she did not tell him she had fixed her resolution; and yet he
judged, she would never return to Court; at last Monsieur de Nemours
himself went to her, under pretence of using the waters; she was
extremely grieved and surprised to hear he was come, and sent him word
by a person of merit about her, that she desired him not to take it ill
if she did not expose herself to the danger of seeing him, and of
destroying by his presence those sentiments she was obliged to
preserve; that she desired he should know, that having found it both
against her duty and peace of mind to yield to the inclination she had
to be his, all things else were become so indifferent to her, that she
had renounced them for ever; that she thought only of another life, and
had no sentiment remaining as to this, but the desire of seeing him in
the same dispositions she was in.