I nodded. “It’s been a little rough.”
“Try and sleep. I’ll be in the living room if you need me.” She leaned down to give me a half hug before leaving my room.
I crawled under the comforter and snuggled into my bed, wrapping my covers into a safe, warm cocoon around myself as I begged my body to shut down. Implored my mind to turn itself off. I knew I’d only be able to find non-vomit-inducing peace in sleep.
Later, I opened my eyes to the sound of the alarm buzzing. I hit the snooze button before the reality of my situation crashed down all around me. That split second before I remembered was so peaceful, then it was gone. There would be no more peace for me today.
I looked at my cell phone, half tempted to turn it on and throw it against the wall. I ignored it as I shoved out of bed to get dressed.
“Cass, you up?” Melissa hollered from the other room.
“I’m up.” My voice was so hoarse from crying, I had to try twice to get the words out.
“I can’t believe you just woke up.” Melissa walked into my room, her concern for me apparent in her expression.
“Me either.” I cleared my throat, longing for some warm tea with honey to ease the burning there.
“Have you heard from him at all?”
I shook my head. “I haven’t turned my phone on.”
“You don’t have to. And you don’t have to go to class either, you know?”
“I can’t sit here and cry all day,” I whispered through my pain. “I need a distraction.”
“Okay.” She gave me a quick squeeze before leaving me alone.
*****
The next few days were a blur as I found it difficult to concentrate on anything other than my failed relationship. Classes were a great distraction…in theory. But the reality was that everything reminded me of Jack, and no matter how many lectures I heard on Visual Reporting or Comm Law, nothing held my attention with greater force than my own destructive mind.
My phone stayed off until my mom called Melissa’s cell phone, frantic that I was either kidnapped or dead since my phone kept going straight to voice mail. When I finally did turn it on, seven new voice mail notifications appeared. All seven were from my mom, each one increasing in overdramatized panic.
The blue text message envelope lingered at the top of my screen, begging for me to press it. Eight new text messages from Jack. Eight.
I am so sorry, Cass. Please tell me you know how sorry I am.
How did I screw us up this badly?
I love you. I love you so fucking much.
I feel like someone ripped out my heart and smashed it with bricks. It hurts. I hurt. And I’d gladly take your hurt too if it meant that you’d be okay. I’d do anything for you.
Cassie, please respond to me. Tell me to fuck off. Anything! Your silence is more hurtful than your anger.
I deserve this. I deserve anything you want to do to me. I sure as hell don’t deserve you.
I’m losing my fucking mind. I’ve already lost my heart so I guess in a way that makes sense. I’m so fucking lost without you.
I love you. I’ll never stop loving you. And I’m so sorry for everything. I’ll never stop telling you how sorry I am.
But eventually he did stop.
It had been over two weeks since his last attempt to contact me. And as hard as it was to not respond to his texts, it was even harder to stop getting them. I wanted him to want me. I needed him to still need me. Because I was still so desperately in love with him, my heart ached with each beat it pumped.
Of course, Melissa knew. “Jesus, Cassie, you look like hell. When’s the last time you’ve eaten something other than toast? Or brushed your hair?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know.” My voice was hollow, void of emotion.
“You need to eat, okay?” Melissa cocked her head to the side, her expression soft.
“I’m not hungry.”
“Which is exactly why you need to eat something,” she responded, which made no sense to me at all.
Jack’s name suddenly appeared on my cell phone. My body started to shake as my gaze swung around to meet Melissa’s.
“Jack?” she asked, her tone surprised. I nodded. “Don’t answer. Unless you want to. No, you shouldn’t.” Melissa fought with herself as I pressed Decline, sending his call to voice mail.
He’d stopped leaving voice mail messages around the same time he stopped texting. So I jerked my head back in surprise when the One new voice mail notification appeared on my screen.
I hesitated before pressing Send, tears already filling in my eyes.
His voice mail was short and to the point. “I know you hate me and never want to talk to me again, but I really need to tell you something.” He exhaled before whispering, “Kitten, please. I wouldn’t call if it wasn’t important.” Then he hung up.
I still loved him no matter how hard I tried to pretend like I didn’t.
“What did he say?” Melissa asked.
“He asked me to call him. Said he had something he needs to tell me. As if I can take any more of Jack’s news.” I shook my head, the tears no longer hesitating to fall.
“Well, shit. I wonder if Dean knows. Want to call him for the heads-up first?” she suggested.
“That’s actually brilliant, but I don’t think so. I’ll just call him and I’ll be right back.” I gave her a half smile before heading into my bedroom and closing the door behind me.
I scrolled through the missed calls list on my phone and pressed on his name before touching the Send button.
“You called,” he said as he answered.
“You said it was important.”