But I was determined too.
I fought her just as hard as she fought me. I planted my feet and clenched my fists, focusing solely on her now. In front of me Elena sputtered and gasped as she was momentarily forgotten while I battled another opponent.
I refused to give in. I could do this. I was certain I could.
I felt Sabara’s Essence everywhere, all at once. She threatened and taunted me, her words tumbling over one another and coiling together until it sounded as if there were a hundred of her trapped inside my head.
You’re too weak.
You can’t beat me.
Surrender.
I will kill you. . . .
It was those last words that I recognized as the truth—the most honest thing she’d ever said to me. It was the reason I could never unleash her.
Sabara would kill me.
But that instant of clarity also made me hesitate. And in that moment Sabara saw her opportunity and reclaimed her ability.
I never had a chance.
I felt her energy—the power I’d borrowed from her—slipping away as she withdrew it, taking it back from me. My fingers no longer itched and tingled. Electricity no longer coursed in my veins. I wasn’t just weak; I was debilitated by the transition.
I could no sooner kill Elena by simply waving my hand at her than she could me.
It took me too long to admit my defeat and lower my hand. The ground beneath me felt unstable, as did my confidence, and my shoulders were suddenly heavy.
When I slid my gaze over to Niko, I saw him wearing his triumph in a sly, knowing grin that I longed to smash from his arrogant face.
Elena staggered to her feet, and I realized I’d never even seen her fall. She inhaled, trying to recoup her composure as she glanced at Niko. “Will I . . . When I . . .” She had a difficult time finding the right words. And then she glared condescendingly in my direction. “Will I be able to do what she just did?”
Niko’s grin widened and took on a different quality when he directed it at her. I recognized that look. He’d flashed it at me before too. He was making her feel special—as if he cared about her above all else. “All that and more, my sweet,” he crooned. He swept her hand into his and lifted it to his lips. “All that and much, much more.”
The ecstasy that flooded her face was almost painful to look upon. Her cheeks flushed and tears glistened in her eyes. Niko was dealing in vanity.
“He’s lying.” My voice was shaky as I faced her, wondering why I bothered. I had no intention of letting her take Sabara from me.
Elena just laughed, a trilling sound that implied she had no cares in the world. “He told me you’d say that,” she retorted. “He said you’d try to keep her for yourself, that you wouldn’t want to give up your shot at eternity.”
“There is no eternity!” I shouted back at her. “You won’t survive the transfer. She’ll kill you.”
Automatically she massaged her throat, and I wondered if she even realized she was doing it. “You survived. You think I’m not as strong as you? Stronger, even?” She said it like the notion was preposterous, and she laughed some more, looking around at the soldiers who surrounded her. They laughed too. And then she closed the distance between us and grabbed my arm. “I’m ten times the queen you are, Vendor.”
I raised my eyebrow. “Only ten?” I shot back.
She slapped my face. Hard.
My head snapped to the side, and I saw Niko watching us, an amused expression on his face.
“Let’s do this,” she told him. “I’m tired of waiting.”
My chest constricted as I realized her intent. Elena meant to try to make the transfer now.
What if it wasn’t up to me at all? What if she said the words and I wasn’t able to stop Sabara from leaving—the way I hadn’t been able to stop her from taking her power away from me? “You can’t! You can’t, Elena! I wasn’t lying. She’ll destroy you! Sabara will take you over and you’ll disappear.” I shouted until my voice was hoarse, but Elena was under Niko’s spell now.
He’d said all the right things. He’d convinced her she would live forever.
“Take me,” she said boldly, ignoring my cautions. Her voice rang out, practiced and strong and resolute, not a single quiver, or doubt, to be heard. “Take me instead.”
My eyes widened as I waited to see what would transpire next. And then it happened.
I felt her, Sabara, uncoiling from the very pit of me. She was preparing to make the move from one body to another. Liberating me as she disentangled her soul—her Essence— from mine.
Darkness and hatred and everything vile about her released me, and I felt the swell of those things that had been staved off in me for so long returning in a rush: virtue and joy and warmth. Things I’d had to fight to feel because Sabara had smothered them at every turn.
But I couldn’t have those things. As much as I wanted them, I couldn’t let my temptation to be whole again—to be me and only me—sway my decision to keep Sabara caged. I had to hold on to her because I was the only one who could.
And I did. With all my might.
It wasn’t nearly as hard as I’d expected it to be, to bottle her back inside me. I simply repeated those very same words silently inside my own head, Take me instead. Take me instead. Take me instead.
Eventually Sabara stopped grappling against me. She had no choice. She became too weary to fight the truth. I was winning.
When at last I smiled my own triumphant smile, I watched Elena’s face crumple.