Extracted from the Journal of EZRA JENNINGS
1849.--June 15.... With some interruption from patients, and some
interruption from pain, I finished my letter to Miss Verinder in time
for to-day's post. I failed to make it as short a letter as I could
have wished. But I think I have made it plain. It leaves her entirely
mistress of her own decision. If she consents to assist the experiment,
she consents of her own free will, and not as a favour to Mr. Franklin
Blake or to me.
June 16th.--Rose late, after a dreadful night; the vengeance of
yesterday's opium, pursuing me through a series of frightful dreams.
At one time I was whirling through empty space with the phantoms of the
dead, friends and enemies together. At another, the one beloved
face which I shall never see again, rose at my bedside, hideously
phosphorescent in the black darkness, and glared and grinned at me. A
slight return of the old pain, at the usual time in the early morning,
was welcome as a change. It dispelled the visions--and it was bearable
because it did that.
My bad night made it late in the morning, before I could get to Mr.
Franklin Blake. I found him stretched on the sofa, breakfasting on
brandy and soda-water, and a dry biscuit.
"I am beginning, as well as you could possibly wish," he said. "A
miserable, restless night; and a total failure of appetite this morning.
Exactly what happened last year, when I gave up my cigars. The sooner I
am ready for my second dose of laudanum, the better I shall be pleased."
"You shall have it on the earliest possible day," I answered. "In the
meantime, we must be as careful of your health as we can. If we allow
you to become exhausted, we shall fail in that way. You must get an
appetite for your dinner. In other words, you must get a ride or a walk
this morning, in the fresh air."
"I will ride, if they can find me a horse here. By-the-by, I wrote to
Mr. Bruff, yesterday. Have you written to Miss Verinder?"
"Yes--by last night's post."
"Very good. We shall have some news worth hearing, to tell each other
to-morrow. Don't go yet! I have a word to say to you. You appeared to
think, yesterday, that our experiment with the opium was not likely to
be viewed very favourably by some of my friends. You were quite right. I
call old Gabriel Betteredge one of my friends; and you will be amused to
hear that he protested strongly when I saw him yesterday. 'You have done
a wonderful number of foolish things in the course of your life, Mr.
Franklin, but this tops them all!' There is Betteredge's opinion! You
will make allowance for his prejudices, I am sure, if you and he happen
to meet?"