Irrespective, I still need to talk to him. If not to just get my stuff and get the hell out of here.
My heart is pumping hard, as I dance quiet steps around the male and female sleeping bodies, no one so far that I recognise, as I look for Jake.
But he’s nowhere to be seen in this huge mass of space called a living room.
I knew he wouldn’t be. I was just delaying the inevitable.
He’ll be in the bedroom. I’m just afraid of what I’m going to find when I go in there.
As I pass by the marble coffee table, I see the remnants of white powder on it, and rolled up notes.
Anger flexes through me. That’s a sure sign, as if the party wasn’t enough, that Jake doesn’t give a shit about me anymore.
I thought his love for me was just buried. But now I’m starting to think maybe it was never there in the first place.
Walking slowly to the bedroom, my heart beats a steady pain in my chest.
The bedroom door is closed.
Reaching out my trembling hand, I lace my fingers over the handle, and take a deep breath in.
Please let him be alone in there. Please. I can just about forgive the partying and the drugs. But anything else, no.
I push down on the handle and slowly open the door.
My heart bangs hard, once, against my chest, then sinks down into my stomach.
And I look on feeling like my world has comes crashing down all around me, as I stare at the sight of Jake in bed with another woman.
He’s faced away from me, but I know it’s him, I’d know that tattooed body anywhere.
For a moment, I literally don’t know what to do.
I’m paralysed.
The the life I envisaged with Jake flashes before my eyes, then very slowly, and very painfully slides from out of my vision.
My bag slips off my shoulder and drops to the floor with a thud.
The girl stirs, opening her heavily made up eyes, rubbing them to panda, she focus in on me standing here in the doorway.
She’s wearing only a bra, and I’m hoping, panties under the sheets.
I feel physically sick. Sicker than I have ever felt before in my whole life.
She frowns at me, and I feel like an intruder.
Then I see what I think is a flicker of recognition in her eyes, almost like she knows me.
But I for sure as hell don’t know her.
“What are you doing in here?” she asks in a not-so-nice-voice.
I open my mouth, ready to ask her the very same fucking question, but nothing happens. I’m like a goddamn gold fish. The one time I need my mouth to work and it fails on me.
Giving me a dark look, she reaches her hand over and shakes Jake.
He groans. Rolling over onto his back, he reaches his hand out and mumbles, “Tru.”
I open my mouth again but it still won’t work.
I know I should be screaming, shouting, doing something, but I just can’t seem to get my brain and body to function. I haven’t even blinked yet.
Jake’s eyes open slowly, garnering focus.
He sees the girl first. I see confusion gather on his face, then his head turns, almost as if in slow motion, and he sees me standing here in the doorway.
His expression freezes. Then he jumps up out of bed.
I don’t why, but I feel relief that he’s still wearing his boxer shorts. Like that somehow makes it better, even though I’ve just found him in bed with another woman.
“Oh no! Nononono!” He holds his hands up, advancing around the bed, coming toward me.
The very bed we made love in two nights ago. The bed he told me he loved me in. The bed that he’s just slept in, with her. Done … whatever, with her.
“No, Tru! This is not what you think!” He stops a few feet away from me.
I stare blankly across at him. I can’t do anything else.
And right here and now, I know exactly how Will felt when I told him about Jake and me. At least I saved him from the actual burning image of it in his mind, like this is now chagrined into mine.
“What the fuck are you doing in here?!” Jake roars at the girl, turning in her direction.
She visibly flinches. Then she scurries up out of bed, retrieving her dress from the floor, pulling it on quickly, and putting her feet her tacky black heels.
“Tru…” Jake takes a step forward, moving closer to me.
I step back, bumping with the open door.
“I didn’t have sex with her. I swear to you – tell her!” he turns on the girl again. “Tell her I didn’t have sex with you!”
She looks at me defiant. And in this moment, I see how young she actually is. Nineteen – twenty, max.
Walking toward us, passing between Jake and me, she simply smiles sweetly at me, shrugs and walks through the open doorway.
“NO!” Jake roars. “Tru, she’s lying! I didn’t have sex with her! TELL THE FUCKIN’ TRUTH! TELL HER I NEVER TOUCHED YOU!”
But the girl is well out of the room, moving quickly out of the suite, avoiding Jake’s wrath.
The whole place is waking from Jake’s anger and I see the place start to empty of people, leaving just me and him.
But they don’t matter to me. The girl doesn’t matter to me. Nothing matters anymore. Because I’ve just lost the one thing that did truly ever matter.
Everything now is inconsequential.
Jake’s hands are in his hair, he’s pacing the floor. He looks like he’s in physical pain.
“I didn’t even know she was in here. I swear.” I’m not sure if he’s talking to me, or himself right now.
I still can’t seem to feel anything. It’s as if the agony of seeing him in bed with her was so severe, the instant it hit my vision, my body instinctively shut down.
“I didn’t sleep with her, Tru.” He’s standing before me again. “I swear to you. On everything I love, I swear I did not sleep with her. You have to believe me.” His voice is desperate.
I drag my eyes to his, my mind still frozen, suspended in this horrific time zone he’s trapped me in.
“Say something, please.” His voice begs me.
My eyes move from him, over to the messed up sheets on the bed.
I feel a tear trickle out of the corner of my eye.
“No, Tru, no! You have to listen to me – I didn’t have sex with her. I swear to you. After we fought and you left, I was so angry, but then I calmed down, and I missed you so much, and I wanted to tell you how sorry I was – that I love you – that I would do whatever you wanted me to – I’d go to rehab if it meant keeping you in my life. But I didn’t know where you were – no one did, and I couldn’t call you on your cell because I was a dumb fuck and I broke it. So I took the car and drove around the city for hours, looking everywhere trying to find you – but you were nowhere – and I was getting so worried, so I came back here to the hotel, and I sat in the bar facing the lobby, waiting for you to come back.”
“But you didn’t come. And I sat there for hours drinking, and watching the door, waiting, and I was going out of my mind over you, and then before I knew it I was drunk, and these people had joined me in the bar. And I was hurting because you’d left, so I drank more and more, and then I took some coke, and the next thing I know they’re all back up here drinking and partying, and you still weren’t back Tru … and I took more coke … and,” he rubs his swollen, glassy eyes. “I just remember coming in here, and then I must have passed out. But I wasn’t with any girl – I promise you. I would never do that to you. She-she must have come in here after I’d passed out and–”
“Why?” My voice comes out broken, so I try again. “Why would she come in here?”
“I don’t know!” His hands go to his head. “I don’t understand any of it, but I’m telling you I didn’t have sex with her.”
I hear his words, but I don’t believe them. I don’t believe him.
It’s over.
Everything I envisaged with him, our life together, gone.
Tears start to trickle down my cheeks in quick succession, one after the other. I feel like I can’t breathe, like someone is compressing down hard on my chest, taking the life right out of me.
Then Jake’s grabbing hold of me, pulling me to him, crushing me to his chest, his arms tight around me, his face buried into my hair.
“I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so, so sorry,” he repeats, his voice broken, as I sob silently into his chest, my tears slick against his skin. “I love you so much. I’ll make this right, I promise you. I’m so sorry.”
His heat is all over me. I breathe in through my nose. He smells of Jake, everything Jake.
Everything I love.
There’s no trace of perfume on him, or any womanly scent of any kind, but then what does that account for anyway. I saw it clear with my own two eyes.
Jake in bed with her.
And then that’s all I can see. I can see his hands on her, just like they were that redhead’s in Paris. Touching her, kissing her, being with her like he is with me. Saying the things to her which were once reserved only for me.
And that’s when the real pain hits in all its excruciating glory.
I never knew a pain like this existed. All consuming, and it’s crushing me to nothing.
I need him to stop touching me. I need him to stop talking. I just want him away from me. Far, far away from me. I can’t have his tainted body anywhere near me.
He’s wrecked everything, forever.
I start to move in his arms, trying to free myself, but he keeps his hold tight on me.
“NO!” I push myself free from him, staggering backwards.
He looks pained and afraid.
“Tru … please…” He holds his hand out to me.
And standing here, looking at him, disgusted by him, by what he’s done to me – to us, I know what I have to do.
I can’t live this life with him, no matter what I may have thought earlier.
I could have handled the drugs.
But not cheating.
Maybe it makes me a hypocrite, I don’t really care. But I just know I can’t live a life tainted with his betrayal, and the perpetual fear that would always be in the back of my mind that he’s going to do this to me again one day soon.
And without another word, I turn from him, and go to get my suitcase from the walk-in closet.
I lay it out open on the floor.
“What are you doing?” He’s behind me.
“What does it look like?” I reply bitterly, as I start to pull my clothes off their hangers, dropping them into my case.
“You’re leaving me? You’re not even going to talk to me about this – you’re just going to walk away? Throw us away?”
I round on him, one of my skirts still in my hand. “I’m not the one who threw us away! We had a fight – about your goddamn drug taking! I go out to clear my head, I stay in a crappy hotel for the night, thinking things through – what the best thing to do for you is – for us, and then I come back here to talk things through with you, and I find you in bed with a ... FUCKING GIRL! SO YES JAKE – I’M LEAVING YOU!”
“I didn’t touch her, Tru – I swear I didn’t touch her!”
“I DON’T BELIEVE YOU!” I scream.