The toilet I had sex with Jake in.
I feel sick.
Then I catch Jake’s eye, and for that brief moment my heart stop its beat.
He doesn’t look happy. He looks angry.
I look away.
He can’t be annoyed that I’m dancing with Stuart, surely? One – Stuart’s gay. And two – he’s just had his tongue stuck down another woman’s throat.
The thought turns my stomach. I shut the image out of my mind.
You know what? I hope it is pissing him off. Right now I want to hurt him, and I’m going to do just that.
I throw my arms around Stuart’s neck and moving close to his body, I dance into him.
As we move around, I see Tom look at me, then lean across and say something in Jake’s ear.
Jake nods his head without taking his eyes off me.
My cheeks start to burn. It’s awful knowing I’m being talked about, but no clue as to what’s being said.
Does Tom know about us? Seems like everyone else does, so why not Tom too, he is one of Jake’s closest friends after all, him and Denny both.
Jake pulls a cigarette out of his pack and lights up. Then throws back his glass of whiskey, and refills it from the bottle on the table.
“A girl who can dance – finally!” Stuart cheers, pulling my attention back to him, grabbing hold of my hips. “I’ve found my Ginger! Tru, seriously, if you had less tits and more cock, I’d be proposing marriage to you right now!” He spins me around.
“It can always be arranged,” I laugh. “Marry me?” I hold out my hand dramatically to him.
He grabs it and yanks me back to his chest. “Vegas tomorrow, baby. I’ll be the one in white at the Elvis chapel.”
“I’ll be there.” I wink at him.
We both start laughing, as he starts to move me around the floor again.
I like Stuart. He’s so much fun, and so uncomplicated and as hot as hell. He could give Jake a run for his money in those stakes.
Why isn’t he straight?
Actually no, my life is complicated enough as it is without trying to add another guy into the picture.
“Our favourite rock star is not happy that I’m grinding with you on the dance floor,” he whispers in my ear.
“Right now, I’m having way too much fun to care whatever Jake is.”
“Atta girl!” He smacks my behind with his hand, and I squeal with laughter, as he spins me around and presses his chest up against my back.
Bending his knees into mine, taking me down slowly with him, and then back up.
Dancing with me just like Jake did in the club.
The first night we slept together.
“Uh-oh, here comes the trouble now,” Stuart whispers in my ear.
I flicker my eyes in Jake’s direction and see he is on his feet, stubbing his cigarette out in the ashtray, has a seriously pissed off look on his face, eyes fixed on me and Stuart, and is now heading straight for us.
My stomach flips over.
Maybe I’ve pushed it too far? No, he was just giving mouth to mouth to his little groupie before. I’m doing nothing wrong.
But what if he causes a scene in front of Will?
“Don’t worry, gorgeous, I can handle Jake, it’s my job – remember?” Stuart whispers, seeing my worried expression. “He won’t cause a scene, I promise you.”
I want to believe that, but Jake can be irrational.
When he reaches us, his face is stony. I think he’s going to chew me out here and now, but ignoring me, he turns to Stuart.
He leans in and whispers something in Stuart’s ear, while I stand here like a spare part.
Stuart puts his hand on Jake’s shoulder, saying something back to him. I wish I could hear their exchange.
Jake’s expression tightens. Whatever Stuart said, Jake didn’t like it.
Stuart turns to me, giving me a warm smile. “I gotta go work for a little while, gorgeous. Always on the clock.” He winks at me. “We’ll finish this dance later?”
“Definitely,” I smile.
I start to walk away, going the opposite direction to Stuart, heading back to our table, but Jake catches hold of my hand, pulling me back. “Where are you going?”
I yank my hand free. “Well you just got rid of my dance partner, so now I’m going to drink myself into next week.”
“Can I come with you?”
I press my lips together and stare him.
“Dance with me.” He holds his hand out.
“Yeah, because that worked out so well for me the last time I did. And where’s your redhead anyway? Won’t she want to dance with you?”
Withdrawing his hand, he stares down at me. “She’s not mine, I told you, there’s only one girl I want to be mine.”
My skin aches on my suddenly tired bones.
“You seem to have staked a fairly certain claim on her earlier.” I’m trying to come off as nonchalant, but the truth is, it’s hurting like a bitch.
I want to call him out for kissing her after having sex with me, but now certainly is not the time or the place.
The previous song fades and No Doubt’s, ‘Don’t Speak’ starts to pump out through the speakers.
Jake looks up like Gwen Stefani is here and speaking to him right now. And really the song couldn’t be more apt for him and I.
I wonder if he’s thinking the same.
He looks down at me, a sudden darkness in his light eyes. “Well the woman I want is here with another man … so what’s a guy to do?” he says the words slow, deliberate.
Honestly, right now, I have no clue. But all I do know is we’re ripping each other to pieces. And this song is killing me.
I make to leave, but he’s not letting me go anywhere and the next thing I know he’s up against my back, arms holding me there, dancing with me, moving me with him.
“Stay with me tonight,” he whispers in my ear. “I don’t want to sleep without you. I need you.”
It makes my heart ache.
“No you don’t.” I turn, brushing against his chest. “You made that pretty clear earlier.”
“You sure about that?” He stares down, looking deep into my eyes.
“Have you still got my panties in your pocket?”
He grins.
“Can I have them back?”
“What do you think?”
He spins me out, then pulls me back, hard into his chest.
My heart is beating out of mine.
“Why did you stop Stuart from dancing with me?”
“Because he has work to do.” He pulls me even closer, his hand on my lower back.
I raise my eyebrow sceptically at him.
“Fine,” he exhales loudly. “Watching him dancing with you was driving me crazy.”
“He’s gay!” I exclaim.
“I don’t care if he’s a fuckin’ monk. I hated seeing his hands all over you. If he wasn’t so good at his job, I’d fire his ass,” he mutters.
“You’d fire Stuart for dancing with me?”
“Yes.”
“I didn’t know you were so jealous.”
“Neither did I.”
I stare at him for a long moment. “For your information, I asked Stuart to dance with me, and he only agreed to, to help distract me from your sexploits with your groupie.”
“You told him about us?” He looks surprised.
I shake my head, no. “He guessed, he’s not stupid.”
“Shame your boyfriend is.”
I give him a sharp look. “Don’t,” I warn him. “I’m not fighting with you again about this.”
“Why not? I think we’re pretty good at it. Even better at the making up. You felt amazing before, Tru,” he whispers close. “You always feel amazing, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, making you feel as good as you do me.”
My skin hums.
He’s so close. I can feel his heat all over me.
“You’re mine, Tru.”
“I thought you were done with me?” I say, making sure my voice is steady, even though my insides are trembling. “And after watching you with her, I’m feeling pretty done myself.”
I don’t mean it, but I’m hurting badly.
He stares down at me for a long moment. I see such a multitude of emotions pass over his face it’s hard to pin down an exact one.
Jake opens his mouth to speak, when I hear Will’s voice come from behind him.
“Mind if I dance with my girl?”
I was so lost in Jake, I didn’t register Will’s approach.
I feel Jake’s body stiffen under my hands. He looks down at me, a myriad of emotions flicker through his eyes. Then he releases me and steps away.
“She’s all yours.”
There’s more meaning in those three words, than there has been in anything he’s said to me all night.
Panic rips through me. And all I can do is watch weakly, as Jake makes his way through the crowd, all eyes on him, as he heads straight to the bar.
Will pulls me into his arms.
I’m numb. Completely devoid.
“You looked amazing out here dancing with Stuart and Jake,” Will murmurs in my ear. “I was starting to get a little jealous.”
“It’s only Jake,” I downplay, even though inside I feel like I’m dying. “And you do realise Stuart’s gay, don’t you?”
“Ah right.” I see the realisation fire up in his eyes.
Will moves me around on the dance floor, and I catch sight of Jake. He’s doing tequila shots at the bar. He’s not looking anywhere in my direction. And he’s got company again.
Zzhuilette is back and hanging off him like a cheap suit.
Then I watch, with distasteful horror, as she dips her finger in Jake’s tequila glass, draws a wet line across her huge chest and pours the salt across it.
It’s like a car crash that I can’t take my eyes off, even though watching it is making me feel sick to the pit of my stomach.
And Jake, with Tom jeering him on, leans down and licks the salt off her chest, slowly. Then he grabs his shot and throws it back.
I feel a burning shot of jealously and rage so intense that I just want to go over there and kick her ass. And Jake’s too.
I turn away, burying my head into Will’s neck, forcing back tears.
He holds me tighter. “I’ve missed you so much, darling,” he murmurs, running his fingers through my long hair and down my back.
I lift my head looking at him. “Me too.”
And I realise in this moment, I have missed him. So much. My lovely sweet Will.
He would never hurt me. He would never lick salt off the chests of long-legged redheads.
I’m safe with Will. I’ll always be safe with Will.
I just have to let Jake go, and stay with him. It’s the right thing to do.
Life will always be simple, easy with Will.
I reach up on my tiptoes and kiss him firmly on the lips. He wraps his arms around me, holding me tight to his body.
He tastes of beer, and his kiss feels exactly the same as always.
He’s nothing like Jake. Which is good – I think.
Will is sweet and lovely, but… no, something’s missing. And it’s been missing since Jake came back into my life, I now realise.