“It’s just us,” I replied. “I wanted to make sure you had a few options.”
Her green eyes turned pensive, and her mouth lifted into a half-smile that told me she hadn’t been expecting my thoughtfulness.
“You’re too charming for your own good,” she said.
I shrugged, and sat down with my legs stretched out in front of me. “I’ve never had any complaints before.”
Her smile dropped slightly, and I cursed my inability to think before I spoke. I didn’t want to ruin this day, our last perfect day together by making a careless remark about other girls I’d been with. No one exited before Kennedy, and anyone who came after her wouldn’t be able to top her. Not ever.
“I’m sure you haven’t.”
We fell into a slightly awkward silence after that, and I wondered if she was thinking about our fleeting time the same way I was. It was hard not to think about but I hadn’t brought her out here for that. I wanted to have fun, and pretend that we had more time.
The melancholy dissipated as soon as we started eating. I laughed at the sounds Kennedy made, and had her blushing beet red when I said she makes the same sounds when she comes. That earned me a spoonful of mashed potatoes in the face, which only lead to more flying food. I caught Kennedy by the waist and pinned her down so that I could get her sticky with half-eaten strawberries and chocolate, and then lick it off her salty skin. We ended up naked in the lake, her body tangled with mine, our mouths licking and tasting until our skin had pruned.
She pushed my hands away when I tried to help her get her dress back on, and laughed because I attempted to fondle her tits.
“You can’t do that here,” she hissed, the smile on her face so perfect I wanted to photograph it.
“You didn’t seem to mind it in the water,” I retorted, cocking my brow.
“That’s because it was under the water, not out in the open.”
“Worried the security guard will get off on seeing me touching you?” I chuckled.
“Nooooo.” She shook her head, making her wet hair bounce. “I’m not into public sex, but it sounds like you might be.”
I took her hips in my hands, and tugged her to my chest. “I’m into sex with you, whether it’s in a bed, on the kitchen counter, on the floor in your bedroom, in the shower…”
Kennedy slapped my chest. “You’re unbelievable…” she paused. “And we haven’t had sex in the shower.”
“Not yet.” I winked.
We sat back down on the blanket, and Kennedy rested her head in my lap. I pulled my fingers through her hair, committing the silky feeling to memory. As we sat there, with the sun slowly setting, my mind wondered to what it would be like to have this, to have Kennedy, permanently. I thought about what our future looked like, envisioning us living together, buying our first house, her with a swollen belly growing with my baby, and later filling our home with kids of our own. I thought about family dinners, and holidays, and growing old with her. I ignored the pang in my chest knowing it would never happen, and allowed myself the rare chance to dream. I’d never thought about my future in that way before, and I knew it was only because of Kennedy that I wanted it.
It should have scared me, to think about all the things most guys shy away from until later in life, but what really scared me, was the thought that that’s all it was – a dream, a thought.
It was never going to be real. There was too much standing in our way, and I wasn’t sure we’d ever be able to wade through it and find each other at the end of it.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Kennedy
THE HOT WATER cascaded down my body, and my mind drifted over the last few days. It had been a whirlwind of events, one bleeding into the next like a domino effect. Jade, and Reid were due back tomorrow and their impending return only reminded me of what was ending.
I shouldn’t have been so upset, but my chest ached, and my eyes burned. I was going to miss Dane. Fiercely.
He’d turned my life into a nightmare growing up, with his cruel jokes, and heartless pranks, but three weeks ago he barged into my private world, unannounced and uninvited, and rocked it on its axis. Only this time, it felt like he’d righted it somehow. He’d carved himself a secret spot, and the thought of someone else taking it over made me sick to think about.
Our past didn’t matter to me, but it did to him, and although I could look past the things standing in our way, there were things Dane didn’t know that could possibly ruin the time he’d given me. He’d end up hating me all over again, and that would be worse after I knew what loving him felt like.
I would hold on to today as long as I lived, because he’d unknowingly given me the most unspoiled memory. It would become the ideal for which I strived, and I’ll come short every time because the man that comes next won’t be able to replicate what would become my dream.
I was in so deep, with no way out, and I knew that when I walked away, when Dane walked away, I would be left to wade in the depths of my feelings for him alone. No one would be there to save me, to tell me to snap out of it, and I’d go back to relying on myself as if Dane had never existed. But in my heart, in my soul, in my very being, I would know he was real, and that he happened to me. Would that be enough? Would I be able to walk away and find something or someone to fill his place? Doubtful, but I had no choice but to try because he wasn’t a permanent fixture, and his abrupt departure was looming on the other side of the upcoming sunrise.
My shower door opened behind me, and the sudden gush of cold air made me gasp. Dane stood there, naked, his face impassive but his eyes hot. His body was tensed, but he moved slowly, shutting the door behind him, and coming to stand behind me. We were enveloped by glass and steam, and Dane was everywhere. He took up all the space, all the air, and I sucked in a breath when his chest hit my back, and his hands roamed my waist. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him just yet, not until I could get a grip on the tumultuous mood I was in. My head was swimming, and I didn’t want Dane to see me so vulnerable, and so emotionally… bruised.
“Look at me,” he said, his voice muted by the thick steam, and running water.
I shook my head, and hoped he’d leave me be just a little longer. I wasn’t ready to look into his eyes, and see my own feelings reflected back.
“Dammit, Kennedy. This radio silence is deafening,” he snapped angrily. What did he want from me? I wasn’t prepared to lay all my cards on the table, at least not now. Telling him I thought I loved him wouldn’t change the inevitable.
“I can’t do this right now,” I said.
He spun me around, bringing us chest-to-chest. “Can’t do what? Talk to me? Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours? Because the way I see it, now is all we have.”
I finally swallowed my pride, and looked up. “You want something I can’t give you, Dane. We’ve had a few amazing weeks together, but they’re over now. Tomorrow we’ll go back to how things were before, we have to.”
“No! They won’t go back to how they were. It’s different now, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to move on from this.”
I closed my eyes, and felt the first tear fall down my cheek. His words were hurting me because they were true. There was a fine line between love and hate, so fine that you didn’t know you’d lost balance until it was too late. I wasn’t sure exactly when I’d lost my balance, all I knew was that he was to blame.