The only time I looked at her was when I started cleaning her face, and even then I wasn’t sure what to say. I was afraid that she’d ask me why I was here, but I was even more afraid of my answer – or rather the fact that I couldn’t give her one.
“Will you be okay to get dressed?” I asked, lingering awkwardly between the bathroom door and where she was seated.
“Yes.”
I gave a sharp nod, and turned around to leave.
“Dane.” Her voice stopped me, but I kept my back to her. “I miss her too, you know.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, and my jaw tensed until my teeth hurt. I couldn’t talk to her like this. It was too much, and if I held onto her words, and the loneliness they conveyed, the wall I’d put up between us would crumble and I couldn’t have that.
Without responding, I walked out. Jade was curled up into Reid’s side on the sofa, but I ignored their gazes as I made my way back our apartment next door.
I stepped into my room, and did the only thing I could to dispel the tornado of feelings coursing through me.
I punched the wall. Over and over and over again.
Until the only pain I was focused on was that in my hand, and not the pain reflected in Kennedy’s voice.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Kennedy
I BLINKED RAPIDLY, trying to adjust to the sunlight filtering into my room. My eyelids protested, and my eyes burned from the dryness that accompanied a full night of crying.
My body felt heavy, but I managed to crawl out from under the covers and sit up, adjusting to the natural light. I felt like crap, but it was nothing compared the ache in my chest. The night before flooded my mind, but I couldn’t cry anymore. There were no tears left.
I dragged myself into a hot shower, hissing when my hand and my knees burned. I’d forgotten all about the injuries, but when I stared at the wet bandage covering my hand, I remembered the way Dane had taken care of me. It was so strange. He was gentle, and attentive, and I had no idea what to make of it. I tried not to think about it too much, which proved easier than I thought thanks to the dull ache forming at the base of my neck. I needed breakfast, Tylenol, and my bed. With that plan in mind, I quickly got dressed, and made my way into the living room where I found Jade and Reid on the sofa.
Jade heard my door, and her head spun around. Her eyes were as puffy as mine, and I smothered the guilt I felt for worrying her so much. I was glad she had Reid though, because I was in no position to comfort her when I couldn’t even comfort myself.
“Hey,” I croaked, my throat dry, and scratchy.
“Hi.” Jade gave me a small smile, but didn’t get up. I needed some space, and she knew that. I stepped over to the kitchen, aware that Reid was talking to Jade in hushed whispers, and poured a large glass of orange juice. Their words grew a little louder, and I faced them with what I’d hoped was a reassuring gaze.
“I’m okay,” I said, answering Jade’s unspoken question. I was surprised she hadn’t just come out and asked me, since that was what she always did.
Reid cleared his throat, and looked between Jade and me before standing. His clothes looked rumpled, and creased, and his hair stuck up on one side. He’d obviously spent the night, no doubt to be with Jade while I had my meltdown. He bent, kissing Jade on the forehead, and then made his way towards me. Without much hesitation, he wrapped his arms around me and gave a gentle squeeze.
“Let me know if you need anything,” he murmured into my hair. I was glad he didn’t ask me what happened, but I still found consolation in his embrace.
I pulled back, and looked at him. “Will you please tell Dane I said thank you?”
It was a cowardly thing to ask, instead of doing it myself, but I was a little embarrassed that Dane had seen me like that, and even more so because he was the only one who’d been able to calm me down.
Reid nodded, and after telling Jade he’d see her later, he left us. I took a seat next to Jade on the sofa, and clasped her hand in mine.
“You’re really okay?” She asked quietly. She didn’t look any better than I did, judging by the bags under her eyes.
I bit my lip, and swallowed hard. “No,” my voice cracked, “I don’t know how to move on from this.”
Her lip trembled and I hated to be the reason she was so visibly upset. “You scared me,” she said. “I had no idea how to help you, and I felt so helpless.”
“I’m sorry I scared you. I had no idea how to deal with everything, and I think I finally broke.”
She threw her arms around me, and pulled me close. I held onto her, immensely grateful that I had her to lean on.
“You’re not mad that I called Reid? I swear, I had no idea he was going to bring Dane.”
The expression she wore told me how worried she’d been about it, but I wanted to set her mind at ease. I wasn’t angry, just really confused.
“I’m not mad. A little surprised, I think, but not mad.”
“He flew in here, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so scared, Kennedy. I don’t know what to make of it. It just wasn’t like him.”
“No one is more surprised than I am,” I replied.
Jade paused, hesitating a little. She wanted to ask me what happened.
“I’ll tell you what happened,” I said, answering her silent question. “But not right now. I just want to curl up in bed, and sleep this damn headache away.”
Jade’s mouth lifted into a semblance of a smile. “When you wake up, we’ll grab some pizza and watch some movies. How does that sound?”
“Perfect.”
I left Jade in the living room, and after taking some Tylenol, I slipped back into my bed, and fell into a fitful sleep.
** ** **
“I TOLD YOU yesterday I’m not going to the party, Jade. I’m not in the mood for a crowd.”
Jade folded her arms over her chest, and narrowed her eyes at me. She wasn’t happy with me, but I didn’t care. I was still feeling out of sorts after the visit at my fathers’ house, but that wasn’t the real reason why I no longer wanted to attend the party she was trying to drag me to.
“You’ve been cooped up in your room for almost four days, Kennedy. You need to get some air, and I think a party is exactly what you need.”
I scoffed. “A party is the last thing I need.”
Jade opened her mouth to speak, but the sound of our front door opening interrupted whatever she was about to say. Seconds later, Grady appeared in the doorway of my bedroom looking hot in his leather gear. It was Halloween, and he’d decided to be a rock star this year, complete with leather pants, a leather vest, and scuffed boots. His bare chest had a few of those fake tattoos stuck on, and he had dark eyeliner around his eyes. If he weren’t gay (and proud of it) I would have definitely looked twice.
“Hey tootsie rolls.” His smile fell when he saw us. “Why the hell aren’t you dressed yet?”
“Kennedy doesn’t want to go,” said Jade.
“Oh come on, Honey Bee. It will be fun, and a total girls night out.” He winked, and my lips slipped an inch. I wanted to tell them why going was bad idea for me, but that entailed an explanation I wasn’t quite ready to give.
This time it had everything to do with Dane. I’d managed to avoid him since he’d walked out of my room on Tuesday night, and I had the feeling that seeing him tonight wouldn’t bode well. Especially because it was his birthday, and I knew how much he hated celebrating it. Our common disliking for our celebrating our birthdays was something we had in common, albeit a little odd. He was probably thinking about his sister, Jewel, just like I’d been doing, and that tended to make him rather volatile.