For now though, I needed to walk way because she’d managed to fuck with my head, and I had no idea how to regroup.
There was nothing left to say, so I spun on my heel, and stormed out, leaving Kennedy and committing the way she looked on that desk to memory.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Kennedy
DANE LEFT MY bedroom, and I waited for the click of the front door. When I was sure he was no longer on our apartment, I pulled my tank top down, and sank to the floor.
What the hell had I just done?
I was mortified, and any sense of victory over Dane was short lived. Once again I’d played right into the palm of his hand, and when the moment was right, he retaliated. I waited, and waited for the bile to climb up my throat, a telltale sign that what I’d done with Dane, and then in front of him made me feel sick. But if I was completely honest with myself, I enjoyed it. The feel of his hands all over my over sensitized skin, and inside me. The taste of his lips. The heat of his mouth. The way his hips fitted with mine. And especially the way his eyes watched me while I touched myself.
The whole experience had my insides coiled tightly, both from disbelief, and a sick kind of arousal.
God. What the hell was wrong with me? I never behaved like that, like a hussy. I’d never been that girl, and one moment of weakness where Dane frazzled my senses and I was grinding on him, and making myself come with his eyes on me.
I shook my head, and held it in my hands. I was sitting rather uncomfortably on the floor next to my bed, but I couldn’t stand up just yet. I wanted to absorb the reality of what I’d just done to myself, and maybe it would be enough to make me steer as far away from Dane as I could. I’d done well avoiding him, barely glancing at him when we happened to pass each other in the hallway between our apartments, but we always ended up in the same place, like we were gravitating towards each other in some weird way. It was perplexing, and the more I thought about what it meant, the more it confused me.
He hated me, and I was supposed to hate him.
That’s the way it had to be.
** ** **
CHASE CAME BACK from grabbing us two chocolate shakes and cheese burgers with fries and placed them between us on the tailgate of his truck.
When he fetched me for our “date” thirty minutes ago, I hadn’t imagined coming out to a field with a food stand in the middle of nowhere. But I liked it.
The food stand was an old, refurbished metal caravan with a few tables and chairs outside. They only made burgers, and fries, and what Chase boasted were the best milkshakes in all of Brighton. He also told me the ‘pop up’ diner – the caravan – moved around, and only stayed in one spot for a week at a time.
Chase hopped up next to me, and immediately starting eating, while I sipped my shake. He was right. It was the best chocolate shake I’d ever had. Not that I was picky when it came to anything involving chocolate. I looked up at the sky, marveling at how clear it was, and how spectacularly the twinkling stars lit it up. The warm air ghosted across my skin, and I took in the surroundings. There were a few other trucks parked to the side, people laughing as they enjoyed their food, and even a few couples sharing romantic moments in what I thought of as the perfect country setting.
“What’s got you thinking so hard over there?” Asked Chase, breaking the somewhat awkward silence. We’d managed a relatively easy conversation on the ride over, but now things felt a little awkward.
“I’m thinking about how peaceful it is out here,” I replied. “And how perfect this spot is for a romantic date.”
Chase swallowed his food, and turned to me. “I didn’t think it would be considered romantic. I figured girls only liked the fancy expensive restaurants when going on a date.”
“Good thing we’re not on a date,” I replied with a giggle.
“Damn, that hurts.” He feigned hurt, and then threw me a playful wink telling me he was kidding.
I slapped his arm, and took a bite of my fries. “I can’t imagine you go on dates. From what Grady told me you’re quite the playboy.”
He chuckled, and the sound somehow helped me relax a little.
“Don’t believe everything my brother tells you. He has a flare for being over dramatic, and tends to exaggerate where I’m concerned.”
My brows rose in skepticism. “So you’re saying he’s lying?”
Chase thought about it for a long minute, and then replied, “No.”
I laughed, and threw my napkin at him. “I thought so. I guess it’s part of the territory though, right? Being the star football player and all.”
Chase sighed, and looked pensive. “People expect it of me, you know? Sometimes it’s easier to live the image people give you, rather than pretending.”
His answer surprised me, and I caught the wistfulness of his tone. “Don’t you get tired of it though? Don’t you want to meet someone and settle down?”
Chase turned his gaze, and stared at a couple across the field who were dancing like no one was watching. “It’s better than getting hurt. And besides, I don’t want to be tied down any time soon. I like my freedom.” He grinned widely, and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. That was such a guy thing to say.
“What about you?” He asked. “Why’s a pretty little thing like you single?”
The way he asked me made it sound like the idea really confused him. Like me being single was unfathomable. My thoughts immediately drifted to Dane, and I wished they hadn’t. I’d been doing well not thinking about him, and had enjoyed the reprieve after what happened on Saturday night in my bedroom. I hadn’t told Jade about that, and I wasn’t sure I ever would. I was too embarrassed, and not because it was Dane, but because I liked it, and there was no way I’d be able to keep those feelings from Jade.
“My life is…complicated.” I sighed. “I’m not really interested in dating right now. I have enough on my plate with school, and trying to figure out my major.”
Chase’s cool green eyes regarded me, and I found myself hoping he didn’t take any offense to what I’d said. We both knew this wasn’t a real date, and that he only offered because he felt bad about hitting me in the head with his football.
“So there’s nothing going on between you and Dane then?”
My eyes widened with shock. I hadn’t expected that.
“Nothing, I mean we can’t stand each other. Why?”
Chase pursed his lips. “I saw the way he was looking at you at the coffee shop, so I was curious.”
Instead of replying, I took a bite of my burger, and looked away. I was starting to feel uncomfortable. Chase placed his hand on my knee, and squeezed, making me jerk my head back towards him.
“I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable,” he said quietly, reading my thoughts. “It’s just that, well, I like you, Kennedy, and I want to make sure I wouldn’t be stepping on anyone’s toes if we were to become friends.”
I swallowed my food, and thought about how to respond. My head was stuck on the ‘I like you’ part, but also on the insinuation that Dane would be pissed if Chase and I were friends. Or possibly more. So I chose honesty.
“Dane and I have a bit of an ugly past, but there’s never been, nor will there ever be, anything romantic. I doubt we can even make to friends. He hates me too much.”