“Dane.” She hiccupped, and it scratched at my self-condemnation.
“Sorry, mom,” I said. My body suddenly felt weary, and I wanted the conversation to be over already. “I just…”
“I know honey, I know, but you can’t hide from the rest of your life just because she’s gone. You have to live enough for both of you.”
Her words echoed and bounced around in my head. She was right, but I didn’t have the heart to tell her I had no idea how to live anymore. I’d spent more than a year living in limbo, and I’d grown comfortable being stuck between the life I had before my sister died, and the life I now had without her.
“It’s not that easy,” I murmured. I’d stopped on the sidewalk just outside our dorm building. My feet were glued to the ground, and I thought the feeling of being stuck was quite fitting.
“You have to try Dane, not only for Jewel but for yourself. And please, come home and see me. I miss you.”
I expelled a heavy breath from the confines of my chest, and clutched the phone tighter. “I will mom, I promise. I miss you too.”
“Call me, and we can do lunch okay? Love you.”
“I will. Love you too, mom.”
I ended the call and stood rooted on the spot for a few more minutes. My mind filled with images of my sister, her face so much like mine. Her hair was honey blonde, like our mother’s, and we’d both inherited her crystal blue eyes while I’d inherited my fathers’ dark hair. That was where our similarities ended. Our personalities were as different as night and day, and yet she was still my favorite person. She’d been the calm to my storm all our lives, right up until the moment she was taken from me. After that I was just…lost.
I found myself flicking through the photos on my phone, stopping at each one that was taken of my sister and me together. We were both smiling like goofballs in every single one, and then I stumbled across a photo I didn’t even know I had. Jewel was grinning, and so was Kennedy, their faces pressed close together. Jewels’ arm was extended, and I figured she was the one who took it. They were younger, both sophomores in high school. How it ended up on my phone I didn’t know, but I remembered the day it was taken…
I stood at the glass sliding doors overlooking the deck and pool area in the back garden. My face was twisted into a scowl, and I was pissed that Jewel had decided to invite her to our house while our parents were out of town.
“Stop staring,” said Jewel. She stopped next to me, holding a glass of iced tea in each hand. “She won’t bite.”
I looked at my sister then. “You know she shouldn’t be here, Jewel. We can’t be caught socializing with her.”
With a roll of her eyes, she replied, “I don’t care about that family stuff, Dane. It’s stupid, and completely archaic. She’s my best friend, and if mom and dad have a problem with it, then so be it. They don’t get to choose my friends. Besides, if you took the time to get to know Kennedy, you’ll see that she doesn’t care about the pathetic feud between our families, and she’s actually kind of nice.”
With that, Jewel stepped outside and took a seat next to Kennedy on a lounger. I ground my teeth together, unable to understand the feelings running riot inside my head. I envied Jewel. She didn’t care about the consequences, not only regarding her friendship with someone from the Monroe family, but also about life in general. She was free, and I’d wished I could know how that felt. In truth, I was in a prison of my own making. I knew Kennedy was off limits, but still I found myself drawn to her, the proverbial moth to a flame awaiting the inevitable burn.
Her laugh traveled through the open glass doors, and it stopped me from walking away. It was an angelic sound, the kind that rendered the strongest of men weak. The waves of her hair glowed in the summer sun, dropping low with the movement with her head thrown back. God, she was beautiful. So perfect it wasn’t fair to every other woman out there. But she was untouchable and it only fueled my anger.
I slapped the glass and turned my back. I had my phone in my hand as I walked out the door, and dialed up one of the girls on my contact list. I needed to get rid of everything Kennedy made me feel, and I only knew one way to do that…
The memory landed in the pit of my stomach like a rock. That was the first time I realized that even if I could have Kennedy, she was far too good for the likes of a dick like me.
CHAPTER NINE
Kennedy
FRIDAY COULDN’T HAVE come at a better time. I was dangerously close to crashing due to exhaustion. Hence the reason I was running late. Very late. I’d stayed up until an ungodly hour this morning studying, and while I’d reminded myself countless times to set my alarm, I hadn’t actually done it. I had tests coming out of my ears, and to top that off, I was trying to decide what I wanted to major in. I’d chosen to put it off while I was in Georgia with my grandparents, too busy putting myself back together to worry about my future, but after almost three months of classes, the need to make a decision was starting to gnaw at me.
When Jade finally managed to get me out of bed, I was already ten minutes late for my Introduction to Psychology class, and rather than skip it, I raced around the room like a hurricane to get ready. I slipped on a white summer dress, my red Converse sneakers that were due for a replacement, and then grabbed my backpack before rushing out of the front door. Jade was kind enough to pass me a to-go cup of freshly brewed coffee, and I swallowed the hot liquid too eagerly before it scalded my tongue.
The air was already hot, and sticky outside, and clung to my skin as I walked briskly across the quad in the direction of the human sciences building. My hair flew around me wildly, reminding me that I forgot to run a brush through it in my dizzy race to class. I looked like a complete mess, but that was the least of my concerns. Professor Le Grange was going to make a spectacle of my tardiness, and the last thing I wanted was to be put on show as an example for the rest of my classmates. Not the best way to kick off the weekend, that’s for sure.
I was so focused on how I was going to deal with the impending humiliation that I hadn’t been paying attention to anything other than increasing my pace to get to class, and by the time I heard the warning, a large round object had already made contact with my temple, knocking me off kilter. My bag fell to the ground, dragging me with it, and the hot coffee in my hand spilled down the front of my dress right before I hit the ground with an ‘oomph’.
I rolled to my side, noting the looks on the faces of my fellow students, and groaned. I squinted into the sun, the tempo of the throbbing in my head increasing, when a shadow crossed over my face.
“Jesus, are you okay?”
The voice was unfamiliar, but when I opened my eyes, I was able to put it to a face. And what a face. Good lord.
“Uh…” I stuttered.
“Here, let’s get you off the ground.” Hotty McHotness stuck his hand out, and then proceeded to help me to my feet.
“Can you tell me your name?” He asked, concern marring his perfect eyebrows. His eyes were green, but where mine were clear, his were flecked with honey. A mop of shaggy blond hair hung on his forehead, damp with sweat. His cheekbones were high, his jaw firm, and his lips plump. I was so busy staring at him that I forgot he’d asked me something.