Tell me that Milo is insane.
The silence that met my question was disconcerting.
Tell me he isn't right.
Theo looked thoughtful. Everyone else, myself included, looked stunned to the point of insensitivity.
Tell me I don't have to choose between your soul and the continued existence of the whole, friggin' Court.
The existence of the Court is not your responsibility. The present hierarchy, however...
There has to be some other sacrifice I can make. This can't be the only thing.
Theo's silence was incredibly unnerving.
Theo? Surely there must be something else?
I don't know, he said at last, sorrow filling my mind. I don't know enough about Dark Ones to know if just any sacrifice will work, but I suspect... His sigh wrung my heart. I suspect, sweetling, that it is that which would cost you the most that will be the act necessary to fulfill the last stage of Joining.
The weight of the world seemed to descend upon me, pressing me down into the earth until there was little left of me.
Portia, I meant what I said. Just having you in my life is more important than anything else. You are a smart woman. Do not allow Milo to manipulate you into something you will later regret.
I sent Theo a sad smile, and straightened my shoulders.
"This is ridiculous," I said, watching the mare. They were consulting each other, but the looks on their faces didn't give me much hope that their game plan was to clap Milo in irons and dismiss his troublemaking attempts with nothing more than an airy wave and an amused laugh.
Terrin glanced my way. I focused on him as a relatively sane person, someone who made a lot of sense when I'd spoken to him. "I may not be an expert on the social structure of the Court, but I can't believe that all it takes to bring the whole thing down around your ears is the antics of two people."
"This is an unusual situation," Terrin said slowly, his eyes guarded. "That's not to say it's without precedent - the Court has survived several renascences in its history."
"What was it you were going to tell me when I was called away by Portia?" Theo asked him.
Terrin's face grew dark. "I wished to explain to you the dangers I felt Portia was in. I didn't imagine that things would come to a head quite so quickly, or I would have warned you earlier."
"I don't understand," Sarah said, joining our little threesome. "Milo wants to remake the Court? Why doesn't the sovereign simply say no?"
"The sovereign will uphold the laws of the Court. Technically, Milo Lee is within his rights to call a renascence - traditionally, such things have been achieved by use of a demon in place of a Court member, but the laws are such that a mortal, too, could be considered sufficient grounds for beginning the unmaking."
"But why does he want to remake the Court?" Sarah asked. "What does he get out of that?"
"Milo is a vessel," Theo answered, his eyes on the man in question. "Hope was a virtue. Both are on the bottom of the hierarchy. Vessels serve mortals, while virtues have little purpose but the occasional control of weather when ordered by a superior."
"Milo said he was looking for a new job," I said, suddenly remembering the conversation we'd had while he administered the trial I didn't know about. "Why doesn't he just try to get a different one? Why does he have to destroy the whole Court first?"
"It is tradition that the Court members who instigate a renascence have a role in restructure. It is one way the sovereign ensures that only those members who have the quickness of wits, intelligence, and general fitness desirable for the upper positions claim those positions."
"In other words," I said, disgusted by the thought of Milo in a position of power, "it's a system that rewards anarchy."
"The sovereign, I believe, prefers to think of it as survival of the fittest," Terrin said mildly, craning his head when one of the mare gestured for him. "You will excuse me, please. I believe their graces wish to consult me on a point of etiquette."
"So what do we do?" Sarah's voice was little more than a whisper.
What will the mare do? I asked Theo at the same time.
His eyes lightened a couple of shades. He pinched his lower lip, a sign, I was coming to realize, that he was troubled. I am not sure. They are bound by the laws of the Court just as we are.
I will not be used in this way, Theo. I will not allow Milo to use us for his own greedy purpose.
His arm around me was almost as warm as the admiration and love he poured into me. I believe we have few choices at this point, sweetling.
"What are we going to do?" Sarah repeated.
I kissed Theo's chin, trying to instill order in my confused mind. "Let's take this from the beginning. If I complete the seventh trial, I will be made a virtue, correct?"
"Yes." A tiny little smile turned up the corners of his mouth. You're incredibly cute when you get logical.
Then hold onto your cute meter, because I'm about to continue. "But if I'm a virtue, and still mortal, then Milo has grounds to dismiss the current Court and demand a new one be reformed, with himself at the head of the restructuring committee."
"That is more or less true, yes."
"I assume there's some sort of rule that states he has to be here to see the renascence enacted, though."
Theo shrugged. "The study of Court canon has never been one of my hobbies, but I am fairly certain that a member cannot call for a renascence, and then disappear."
"Hmm."
"Is there any way the mare can make you immortal?" Sarah asked.
Theo shook his head. "Terrin said that once a renascence has been called, only current business on the dockets can be completed. Inducting a new member into the Court is considered new business."
"If I do not complete the seventh trial, then you lose all chance of being made a member of the Court, and thus, your soul will not be returned to you."
Theo was silent, but I didn't need to look into his beautiful eyes to feel the emptiness inside of him. Despite his protestations to the contrary, leaving him in that situation for the rest of eternity was simply not an option.
"As I see it, the equation Milo has created is unsolvable by the terms he has set. There is simply no way we can work a solution given the limitations of Court law."
Sarah clutched my arm. "Does that mean it's hopeless? He's going to win?"
I looked at Theo, my beautiful Theo, the man whom I'd given my heart to, a man who had suffered the deepest sort of pain possible for a human without complaint. There was one solution in my mind, a way to fix all the problems, but it required so much from me. For a few seconds I wavered, not sure if I could make the sacrifice needed.
Sweetling, why have you shut me out of your thoughts?
I knew what I had to do. A lump grew in my throat, painful and constricting as I contemplated what the course of my actions would mean, what the result would be.
Portia, I don't care for this silence on your part. You're up to something, aren't you?
What it required from me wasn't going to be easy. It was, without a doubt, the hardest thing I'd ever done in my life...but Theo was worth it.
Portia! I demand that you talk to me! We are in this together, woman. I dislike the sense of martyrdom I feel beginning inside you.
I love you, Theo, I said simply, filling him with all the love and happiness and joy he had given me.
Stop that. Stop looking at me as if this is the last time you will see me. You must have faith that we will see this through together, sweetling.
Oh, I do have faith, Theo. I have faith in you. I have faith in our love. I will love you until the day I stop living, and I have faith that no matter what happens, you will always love me.
Portia, stop -
"I love you," I whispered against his lips, kissing him with every atom of love I possessed. "I found my faith again, and it's you."
Somewhere far away, a deep bell sounded.
"It's the seventh trial," Milo crowed, leaping forward to thrust a finger at me. "She completed it without knowing! She has proven her faith before the entire Court! Now the renascence must begin!"
"Yes," I said, my soul weeping at the pain of realization in Theo's eyes. "I have proven my faith. I accept the position of virtue."
Before Theo could voice the protests and suspicions I knew were building within him, I stepped back, closing my eyes and opening my arms wide, the better to pull in the elements needed from the environment.
"Portia, what are you doing?" Sarah asked, her voice worried. "Theo, what is she doing?"
"She is throwing herself away in the foolish belief it will solve everything," he answered, his voice a deep growl that reverberated through me. I gently pushed him out of my mind, unable to do what I needed to do and reassure him at the same time.
"The mare regret that you acted without consulting them," Terrin said behind me. "They hope to mitigate the damage your actions have done, but request that, effective immediately, you cease any further attempts to deal with Milo Lee. They are quite serious, I'm afraid. If you continue, you risk banishment from the Court, from which there is no return."
Portia, do not -
"I owe you this, Theo," I said, ignoring everything as I narrowed my attention to a razor-sharp focus. "Wind is a mostly horizontal flow of air. It is caused by a pressure gradient force generated by the uneven heating of the Earth's surface."
Around me, wind whipped past us with sufficient force to surprise everyone present. I opened my eyes when a woman shrieked, running after a scarf that had been ripped from her neck. The crowd backed up en masse, their faces frightened as black clouds formed against the mural on the ceiling, thunder rumbling ominously through the ballroom.
"Portia, this is not the time for a demonstration of your Gift," Theo yelled over the howl of the wind, which continued to pick up in intensity.
Terrin met my gaze for a moment, nodding briefly before running to the mare.
"Get out while you can," I yelled to Sarah, then turned and focused on the two people who were huddled together, backing slowly away from me. "You can't leave now. You haven't yet seen the grand finale!" I flicked a finger, releasing the stored energy I'd gathered, smiling at Carol's shrieks of horror as lightning struck around them in a circle of blue electricity.
"Hashmallim!" Disin's voice rose over the noise of the fast-building storm, a storm that I felt in every inch of my body. "Seize her!"
Two flat black silhouettes wafted toward me, the familiar horrible sense of wrongness that trailed after them filling the room. Several people ran out the door, while others huddled in the back, evidently too intrigued with the nightmare about to happen to leave.
Portia, I refuse to allow you to do this! Theo's mind was horrified as he realized my intentions.
There's no other way, my sweet Theo. I love you.
"Hashmallim, do your job!"
Sweetling, my soul is not worth banishment -
Draperies from the far end of the room were ripped from the walls, twisting through the air, flashing brilliant blue streaks as the tornado I'd summoned gathered itself and burst into being.
Milo must have realized at that moment what I intended to do. His face was white and twisted with terror as he shoved his wife aside, leaping over her to race toward the nearest window.
The windows in the ballroom shattered inward with a noise that sounded as if it came from the depths of Abaddon itself. Milo screamed as I directed the tornado on top of him. I ran forward as the Hashmallim reached me, eluding their grasp just as I eluded Theo's.
"I won't allow this!" Theo bellowed at me, lunging forward.
"I can't allow anything other than this," I answered and, for a moment, our being was one. It was a moment of the brightest love, the worst pain. I wanted it to go on forever.
Carol screamed, a high, wailing noise that was sucked up by the tornado, her body consumed by the vortex. Milo tried to get away, but it had him before he could do more than bellow my name. I directed it back toward me as the Hashmallim descended.
"I will always love you," I told Theo as the nearest Hashmallim grabbed me. I threw myself forward, into the screaming wind and cloth, the Hashmallim behind me jerking all of us, the whole twisting vortex, into the black abyss of nothing that was the Akasha.