Chapter 1
ZANE
“Zane, I want you to look after your little brother, Noah, okay?” She looked at me with an intense look in her sky blue eyes. Tears were threatening to fall and ruin her mascara, and I could tell something wasn’t quite right.
“Yes, Momma.” I sucked on my strawberry lollipop with relish, as only a 6-year-old could do, anxious for her to let me go and ride my bicycle outside with my friends.
“You’re the bigger brother, so you’re in charge.” Her grip tightened on my hand and I winced. “I love you, Zane. Take care of Noah while I’m gone.”
“Can we go for McDonald’s fries later?” I asked hopefully, not appreciating the gravity of the situation. “And get milkshakes, too?”
“You know McDonald’s is only for a treat, my love.” She half-smiled, but the turn of her lips didn’t quite match the sorrow in her eyes.
“But, Momma,” I pouted with big, wide eyes. “Please.”
“I have to go, Zane. Your father will be back soon.” She kissed me quickly and held me close to her. “Remember I love you.”
“I love you, too, Momma.” I continued sucking on my lollipop, unaware that was going to be the last time I’d see my mother. But her words always stuck with me. “Take care of Noah.” That had been the only request she had for me. And I had failed. Love meant nothing if you couldn’t be there for the ones you loved. My mother had failed me and I had failed Noah. I didn’t want to fail anyone else.
Blinding bright yellow rays of light shone through the uncurtained windowpanes, and as I opened my dry, heavy eyes, an unfamiliar feeling of well-being filled my soul. For a moment, I wasn’t sure why the dream hadn’t awoken me with a heavy heart, but then I remembered that I was with Lucky, and she always made me feel all right. I grinned to myself as I thought about the almost bed-breaking sensual seduction of the passionate night before. I turned around carefully in the bed so I wouldn’t wake Lucky, and a feeling unlike any I had known before consumed me. It wound its way up from the tip of my toes, through the tendons in my legs, shuffled in my belly for a few seconds, and then exploded in my heart as I watched Lucky sleep. She slept as peacefully as I imagined an angel would, and I wondered at how this captivating and beautiful woman had given me a chance.
There was something about the way she smiled in her sleep that comforted me and made me smile back, even though I knew she couldn’t see the grin on my face. She smiled as if she was content, and somehow that made me feel happy. It delighted me that I could make her feel that way because she filled an emptiness in me that I never knew existed before.
I thought about how miserable I had been the few nights before without her in my bed. How my head had pounded when I had thought she was with that dog, Braydon. I had wanted to break something so badly just thinking about it. I had barely been able to sleep. In fact, I had nearly banged down Lucky’s door, and was ready to kill Braydon. Just thinking about him made my blood boil. I wanted to beat him up so badly. Braydon had consumed my thoughts for the last year and I was ready to see him locked away. When I thought Lucky was interested in him, I felt like I was going to explode. I’d been beside myself with jealousy and anger.
I watched Lucky sleep and I wondered what I would have done if she had slept with him. As a dart of pain pierced through me at the thought, I shook my head. A part of me knew that Lucky wasn’t that kind of girl. She wouldn’t have me in her bed one night and Braydon the next. She just wouldn’t do that. I knew I had to learn to let go of my fears and trust her.
I stroked her back slowly, tracing my finger from her neck and down her spine, and then ran it over her hips. Her skin was soft and delicate, and I grinned as she moaned and rolled over towards me. Her eyes opened slowly and her brown eyes squinted their anger at me for awakening her.
“Good morning.” I leaned forward and kissed her nose, unable to stop myself from touching her with my lips. She was like a drug to me, intoxicating me with her mere presence.
“I’m not awake yet,” she moaned, but a shy smile spread across her face as she closed her eyes again.
“What do you want to do today?” I whispered in her ear and she giggled as my breath tickled her eardrum. The sound of her giggles brought a smile to my face and I blew in her ear so I could hear them again.
“Sleep.” She brought her arms around me and pulled me down towards her and then buried her face into my shoulder and kept her arms wrapped tightly around me. “I just want to sleep.”
“But why are you so tired, my dear?” I grinned, relishing the feel of her na**d body up against mine. Her skin was warm, silky, soft, and lush, and it was teasing me delicately as it caressed my hard exterior, making me think all sorts of naughty thoughts.
“You know why,” she said coyly.
“Hmmm.” My hands cupped her butt cheeks and brought her in closer to me so that she could feel my morning erection against her. “Are you saying you’re too tired for another round?” I wanted to take her then and there. I wanted to feel myself inside of her, moving with abandonment until she screamed out and moaned my name in pleasure.
“Yes, I am.”
“What if I tell you I’m taking you to London?” I said impulsively, not even sure what I was saying. The thought popped into my mind that maybe I could get her to join the mile high club.
“London?” She pulled away and looked at me with shocked eyes. “What are you talking about?” She looked bewildered, her expression reminding me of a lost baby bear, and I laughed.
“Would you like to go?” My voice was soft and I considered making my statement a real possibility. After the week that we’d had, maybe a trip was needed.
“I’d love to go one day.” She yawned as she nodded and I laughed before caressing her face. I ran my finger down the pink tinge of her cheek, and then took in her full appearance. I started laughing hard, unable to contain my gut-wrenching chortles.
“What’s so funny?” She frowned. “Is this some sort of bad joke? Are you punking me?”
“No, sorry. I just think you’re in need of some of your chia.” I laughed as I looked again at her frizzy mass of hair.
“Chia?” She looked confused for a moment and then realization dawned. “You mean Chi? Ass.” She hit my shoulder and ran her hands through her hair. “Welcome to the realities of dating a girl with curly hair.”
“So we’re dating then?” I asked lightly, watching her face intently and trying to ignore the pounding in my head. I felt exhilarated yet scared at her words.
“Well, I ….” She paused and looked up at me with a slightly worried expression. “I thought after last night that—”
“Lucky, I’m joking.” I shook my head in chagrin and forced a smile. “I suppose it wasn’t a funny one.” I chuckled and Lucky rolled her eyes.
I didn’t know how to tell Lucky that I was still trying to figure out my feelings. How could I explain that a part of me wanted to be with her and never let her go, but another part of me wanted to run and hide and pretend we had never met. That part of me wanted to close my heart again so I could protect it from the unknown. I so badly wanted her to know how I felt inside, but I knew that she wouldn’t and couldn’t really understand.
“No, not really.” Her eyes held a question that I ignored.“I’m sorry.” I ran my hands down her hair and kissed her on the lips. “Let me take you to London to celebrate.” I brought up London again, hoping we could focus on something else. I wasn’t ready to get into another conversation about feelings.
“Celebrate what? And what about the documentary?” She frowned. “Sidney Johnson is expecting us to come back with a video camera soon.”
“You’re such a dedicated worker, aren’t you?” I laughed and brought her face closer to mine. “I don’t know that I’ve ever met such a hard worker before.” I kissed her lips lightly again, enjoying the sweet taste of her and wanting to lose myself in her essence.
“Zane,” she groaned, her eyes twinkling at me. They reminded me of liquid chocolate, so warm and silky. I loved her eyes, they seemed to pull me into her world and never let me go. Sometimes I daydreamed that I could jump into her irises and just remain there, surrounded and warmed by her soul.
“Okay, okay.” I pulled away reluctantly, loathe to leave her heady heat. “I thought we could go to London because you know so much about British history. I’m sorry I don’t have a time machine or I would have taken us back to the ’60s and we could have gone all out during the Civil Rights years.”
“Actually, I would have wanted to go back to 1954, that way I could have asked Thurgood Marshall what he was thinking when he won Brown vs. Board of Education and then seen what we could have done to make sure it was implemented a bit better.”
“Sorry, you lost me,” I admitted wryly. “I barely understand and remember King Henry VIII and his, ‘Off with their head!’”
“You would remember that.” She laughed and I resisted the urge to kiss her tenderly.
“So, would you like to go?” I wasn’t sure why I was pushing the issue. Maybe I felt like a trip abroad would cement what we had quicker than just letting everything run its course. Though, I wasn’t sure if I needed to cement the relationship to myself or to Lucky. I wanted her to be mine. Yet, I didn’t want to think about what that meant too deeply. There was still too much I had to take care of in the other areas of my life.
“I’ve always wanted to go to London,” she responded thoughtfully. I stared at her br**sts as she stretched, though it was hard for me to concentrate when all I wanted to do was caress and bite them.
“But?”
“I don’t know.” She sighed. “I just don’t want you to spend the money on me. It’s too much.”
“I have it and I want to spend it.” I sighed as well, annoyed that she was using money to prevent me from spoiling her. “We may be parents soon, Lucky. Then I’ll be spending lots of money on you and our baby.” I ignored the jump in my heart as I spoke.
“Zane, I doubt I’m pregnant.” She looked at me with worried eyes. “I can’t afford to be pregnant right now.”
“I just told you I have the money,” I retorted, my face twisting with displeasure and disappointment. I wasn’t sure if I was mad because she was talking about money again, or not being pregnant. And I wasn’t sure why I couldn’t stop picturing a little Lucky in my arms.
“I don’t mean money, Zane. I mean, I still have to finish school and we barely know each other,” she mumbled, and I watched as the tip of her tongue ran along her lower lip, teasing and tantalizing me.
“I don’t know what you just said.” I jumped out of bed. “All I know is that I want you again very badly, and I better get in the shower before I ravish you and leave you sore for the whole day.” I walked away quickly, confused at the gamut of emotions coursing through me.
“I think I’m already going to be sore.” She jumped out of bed and walked towards me slowly, her arms reaching out to me. Her long, brown hair flowed down her back in a frizzy mess, but she looked absolutely gorgeous to me. More perfect than any magazine model could ever hope to be. I walked towards her and pulled her into my arms so that she was pressed against me tightly. Her br**sts were crushed against my chest, and I placed my hands at the small of her back and put my nose in her hair so I could breathe her in. Her very essence was like heaven to me.
“I love this moment.” She peeked up at me and smiled. “This is a perfect moment.”
“All of our moments from here on out are going to be perfect.” I grinned at her and ignored the hollow feeling in my stomach. “Just promise me you won’t continue doing stupid things.” I frowned at her and stared into her eyes, trying to convey to her the seriousness of what I was saying. I needed to be sure I could protect her from everything. And I wouldn’t be able to protect her if she did stupid things.
“Can I tell you something, Zane?” She pulled away from me with a sheepish grin and I ran my fingers along her collarbone, tracing the delicate lines carefully.
“You want me to tie you up?” I grinned and tried not to picture her tied up against the bed, begging me to take her.
“No thanks, Robert Grey.” She laughed.
“If my name was Christian, you’d say yes.”
“I think you’re obsessed with that book.”
“I do own the book Kama Sutra.” Our eyes locked and I continued running my hands along the side of her body. “We could learn some new moves and make our own book.”
“Fifty Shades of Zane?”
“The Wonderful and Mysterious Sex Life of Lucky.”
“Tying Up Beaumont.”
“Morgan’s Sex Tips For the Inexperienced.”
“How to ….” She laughed. “You got me, I can’t think of anything else.”
“We can start on any of those books as soon as you want.” I brought her towards me again so she could feel my hardness against her leg. “And,” I continued, “if you want, we can get some handcuffs so you can do kinky things to me.”
“You wish.” She laughed and rolled her eyes. “Actually, I wanted to tell you that I hate your duvet cover.”
“What?” I chortled as I saw the look of humor on her face. “That’s random.”
“I hate your duvet cover. Can we change it?” She laughed at my expression and I joined her in her mirth. I fell back on the bed as I laughed heartily. Lucky was so unpredictable and I hadn’t seen that coming. So much for the handcuffs and whipped cream, I thought to myself.