"I'm nothing special, Thanuel, so don't build me up as such."
Thanuel smiled, "And yet, I believe that you are."
He started to walk off to where they were loading cargo up and I said, "What if I get us all killed?"
Thanuel turned and shrugged, "Death comes to all of us at some point. The difference, though, is in how one faces it. You have a choice Benaiah, live in fear of death or live life fully and do what needs done. I think you're the latter and that's enough, as it's better to go out like a lion then choked off like an old hound on a leash."
He continued on and I shook my head at his twisted logic. He did have a point though. What good did worrying get me right now?
Now was the time for action, with the future being a new surprise around each corner of life's path. I wanted to see what lay ahead and now I had a company of men to go along for the journey. I wasn't alone anymore and I had the respect of others. That was a rather nice feeling.
I saw some more camels and I headed off to help Jarken round them up. My life had just jumped once again in a way I hadn't expected. Would I ever be ready for what life threw at me next?
Reversely, what did it matter if I wasn't ready? I had purpose in the belief in El Elyon and He directed my steps and provided the abilities that I lacked. Should death find me it would not be an end, but rather the start of another journey.
At peace, at the realization of the slack hold of the fear of dying, I headed back toward the oasis tugging on the lead strap of the string of wide-eyed camels. They didn't like the flames, but oddly for me as I gazed at the fire consuming the oasis, I had a vision of seeing the sight again, only it would be houses on fire and not palm trees.
*****
A day into our journey we found what was left of the caravan. There wasn't much.
The bandits had been thorough and merciless in their cleanup of the forward caravan. Buzzards lifted off the ground from the scattered corpses that littered the desert.
The caravan had been caught strung out and on the move, with no chance of mounting a defense. Strangely I felt no sympathy for the dead as they, by their own actions, had sold us down the river to die in their place. It hadn't worked out that way though.