I came to a sharp bend in the path. I turned the corner and stopped, for the way was blocked by a large pool of the clearest water I’d ever seen. Protected from the wind by the soaring peaks surrounding it, the water’s surface was unperturbed by the slightest ripple, reflecting back to the brooding clouds their own gray faces.
I was exhausted. I was at the end of it, the end of all of it, and I t by the water’s edge.
And the clouds raced across the sky above the undefiled water.
And I raised up my head and peered into the mirror, and there was my face looking back at me.
Without thinking I stood up and tore off my jacket. I stripped off my shirt. I strode into the water.
I walked until the water lapped against my chest, and then I kept walking until it kissed the underside of my jaw. I was surprised how cold it was. I closed my eyes and ducked beneath the surface. There was the wind and the clouds and the pure pool and the boy beneath its unsettled surface, and the blood, the boy’s and the monster’s, defiling the pool.
I am nasu now.
I came out of the water and threw myself back upon the ground. I was shivering uncontrollably; I had no feeling in my left arm. My neck was stiff and my eyes felt very dry. The hour was late.
The day was dying, and so was I.
To hold out against the end of hope is not stupidity or madness, the monstrumologist had said. It is fundamentally human.
I sat with my back against the mountain, Awaale’s knife cradled in my lap.
The knife was very sharp. Its edge was stained with my blood.
I will not tell you that it will bring you luck—it is the knife I used to sacrifice the one I loved—but who knows? You may redeem its blade with the blood of the wicked.
Two doors: I might wait for death to come in its own time—or I could choose the time. I could perish a monster or I could die as a human being.
We are the sons of Adam. It is in our nature to turn and face the faceless thing.
The day was dying, and yet the world seemed dazzlingly bright, and my eyes gathered in the smallest detail with astounding clarity.
It is called Oculus Dei… the eyes of God.
It had found me out at last, Typhoeus, the Faceless One of a Thousand Faces.
I was the nest.
I was the hatchling.
I was the rot that falls from stars.
Now you understand what I mean.
Night fell upon the Isle of Blood, but no darkness crowded my eyes. Mine were the eyes of God now, and nothing was hidden from me, not the smallest speck of matter. I could see through the mountains. I could see clear through to the burning heart of the earth. The wind drove the clouds away, and the stars were an arm’s length away; if I wanted, I could reach up and pluck them from the sky. I was numb; there was nothing I did not feel. I felt the contagion worming innt>
I still held the knife. I would not wait for the moment that the doctor had said would come—When everyone else is dead or has run off, he turns upon himself and feeds from his own body.…
“I’m sorry, Dr. Warthrop,” I whimpered. “I’m sorry, sir.”
I had failed him and I had saved him. I had gone down to the darkness that he might live in the light.
I think you are lonely a great deal of the time.
I set down the knife and dug into my pocket for her photograph.
It’s for luck, she had said, and for when you get lonely.
I eased it out of my pocket; it had gotten wet, and the paper was soft. The last time I had seen Lilly, I’d had the urge to kiss her. Some of us never learn the difference between urge and inspiration.
I picked up the knife again. In one hand Awaale’s gift, and Lilly’s in the other.
I think you are lonely a great deal of the time.
I heard them coming long before I saw them. I heard the bones of the earth snap and crunch beneath their feet, and I heard their labored breath and I heard their anxious hearts in the spaces between their ribs. I turned my head and saw Kearns first, and his voice was the width of a fingernail from my ear, “Here, Pellinore; I found him!” He slung his rifle over his shoulder and hurried over, and then I saw the doctor racing past the water’s edge, and his hand shot out and shoved Kearns out of the way.
“Don’t touch me!” I cried. “It’s too late, Doctor, too late, don’t touch me, too late!”
“I told you one of the buggers got him,” Kearns said, and the monstrumologist cursed him and told him to be quiet.
He opened his instrument case, donned a pair of gloves, murmuring to me all the while, telling me to relax, to stay calm, he was here now, and he had not forgotten his promise, and I wondered what promise he was talking about as he felt my pulse and shined a light into my eyes. My lips drew back in a snarl of pain and anger when the light struck. With shaking hands Warthrop carefully withdrew a vial of blood from his case. It was one of the samples he had extracted from the baby. The yellowish-white serum had separated out from the coagulated blood and now floated on top, suspended above the deep crimson. The doctor pressed the vial into Kearns’s hand and instructed him to hold it very still while he loaded the syringe.
“What the devil are you doing?” Kearns asked.
“I am attempting to slay a dragon,” answered the monstrumologist, and then he plunged the needle into my arm.
Chapter Forty-Three: “Lessons of the Unintended Kind”