He knew the first sheaf by heart:
˜4 Dec. 858˜
I have lived forty-one years, and today I have discovered that I will live forever, courtesy of Adam Black. I can scarcely dip my quill in ink; my hand trembles with rage. He gave me no choice—but what matter the wishes of mere mortals to an immortal race that has lost the ability to feel?
He didn’t tell me until after my wedding today, and even then he would not tell me all, he merely acknowledged that he had slipped the potion in my wine sometime in the past ten years. Now I shall watch my wife grow old and lose her to death, while I continue on, solitary. Shall I become a monster like Adam? Will time dim my ability to feel? Will a thousand years make me weary beyond enduring and tinge my mind with that puckish madness that delights in mischievous manipulation? Will two thousand years make me become like them—enamored of mortal struggles they can no longer feel? ’Tis no curse I would wish upon my love; better she should live and die as nature intended.
Ah … was it only this summer past I dreamed of my children, playing around the reflecting pool? Now I pause and think—what, give the fool more fodder? What atrocities might he commit upon my sons and daughters? Och, Naya, forgive me, love. You shall find me seedless as the grape in wine.
And the second, the one that had laid the course of his life:
˜31 Dec. 858˜
My mind is consumed with this immortality. I have pondered naught but these questions during the waxing and waning of the moon, and now on this eve before the new year dawns—the first of forevermore— I have at long last achieved resolution. I will not permit the immortal madness to take me, and I shall conquer it thus: I have devised a set of rules.
I, Circenn Brodie, Laird and Thane of Brodie, do vow to adhere faithfully to these tenets, never to break them, for if I should, I may tumble headlong into Adam’s destructive irreverence and become a creature who holds nothing sacred.
I shall not lie.
I shall not spill innocent blood.
I shall not break an oath sworn.
I shall not use magic for personal gain or glory.
I shall never betray my honor.
And the third, when brutal understanding had finally dawned and he’d tasted the bitter dregs hidden in the cup of immortal life, camouflaged by the sweet nectar of perfect health and longevity:
˜1, April 947˜
I buried my foster son Jamie today, knowing it was only one of an eternal succession of burials. The hour grows late and my mind turns, as it oft is wont, to Naya. It has been a score of years since I lay with a woman. Dare I love again? How many people will I lower into their graves, and is it with such grim doings that madness begins? Ah, fie. ‘Tis a lonely life.
A lonely life, indeed.
The savage music thundering in his ears, he gazed deep into the flame and deliberately opened that part of his mind he usually kept tightly shut. Unlike Druidism, which was a ritualistic art that included binding curses and spells, true magic required neither ceremonies nor rhymes. Adam’s kind of magic was a process of opening one’s mind and using a focus for the power once summoned. Circenn had found that the glassy surface of the reflecting pool in the rear gardens, or a polished metal disk, was often the best focus.
He retreated into his mind, staring intently at the shield propped against the wall. He’d fashioned it himself hundreds of years past, and although it was far too battered to carry into battle, it served him well as a focal point. The last time he’d tried to scry his life, he’d been trying to see himself five hundred years in the future, to determine what he might become. The vision that had flickered within this same shield had been bitter indeed. His vision had told him that by the seventeenth century, he would be possessed by a depraved madness.
Fate? Predestination?
His visions had told him truly when and how Naya would die; still, he’d been unable to save her. Natural causes, old age—a thing against which he possessed no weapon. Impotent in all his power, he’d lost her. And she’d raged against him as she’d died, cursing him a demon, for his hair had never grayed, his face had never lined.
He shook off the memory and intensified his focus. Images blurred and slowly coalesced. At first he could define only blobs of color: pink, bronze, dusky rose, and a backdrop of ivory. He narrowed the span of control, focusing on what the next few months would bring him.
When the pictures became clear, his hands closed like claws upon the arms of his chair.
He stared, first in shock, then with fascination, and finally with acquiescence, a faint smile playing about his lips.
Who was he to argue with fate? If that was what his time held, who was he to be so arrogant to think he could change it? He had sworn this would not happen, yet all events had consistently carved the path to it, from the first day she’d arrived.