She felt torn. Her need to get back home battled an overwhelming desire to belong in a place like this, to be surrounded by family.
Exhausted beyond the ability to deceive herself any longer, Lisa confronted a truth she’d been trying desperately to avoid.
She knew she had no real future to look forward to in either place or time.
* * *
Circenn cornered Duncan and Galan in the stables of Castle Brodie. He backed them against a wall with the sheer force of his glare.
“I heard you laughing, Duncan,” he accused, a muscle twitching in his jaw. Circenn had been simmering for the past week, seeing the amused light in Duncan’s eyes, hearing his laughter, and unable to reprimand him in front of the Templars. Already his Templars had directed curious glances his way, puzzled by his sullen temper on the journey.
Duncan was the portrait of innocence. “If you mean on the trip here, Galan and I were merely reciting bawdy poems, nothing more.”
“Galan?” Circenn snorted disbelievingly. “Galan could not recite a bawdy poem if the outcome of a battle depended upon it.”
“I could,” Galan protested. “I am not quite as bad as you make me out to be.”
“Do you realize that I am utterly compromised? Do you realize that I made a pledge to Adam to kill her and to Robert to marry her?” Circenn demanded irritably.
Duncan’s amusement didn’t diminish one whit. “Considering that Adam isn’t allowed to visit you without invitation—that was part of your deal, if you recall—it sounds to me as if you’d better wed the lass. She could be long dead by the time Adam comes to bother you again. You said sometimes fifty years pass without him troubling you.”
Circenn stiffened. She could be dead. … He didn’t like the thought of her dead, either by his hand or by natural causes. Even if he never fulfilled his oath, she would die long before he would. As everything else, passing away before his eyes. As he would one day bury Duncan, whose hair would gray, bones would brittle, and eyes would fog by time. He would weep over the loss of such irreverence and enthusiasm for life, a heart so full of joy. And he would bury Galan, and Robert and his servants and maids. And his horses, and any pets he might be foolish enough to love.
For that reason, it had been centuries since he’d permitted himself to sleep with a favored wolfhound lying across the foot of his bed.
Unlike the mortal span most men lived, Circenn would encounter death not a dozen times, but a thousand, making him the greater fool if he cared about anything. Perhaps that was why Adam Black was so detached; after a thousand deaths he’d simply quit caring.
Circenn turned without another word, leaving his trusted advisers gaping after him.
* * *
Lisa stood in the middle of the courtyard, drinking in the sights. After a growled “Doona move,” Circenn had gone tearing off after Duncan and Galan the moment they’d come through the gate. She’d been perfectly content not to move, because it meant she could direct all her awed attention to the castle. Knights surged around her in waves, tending to their horses and unpacking gear, while she scanned the elegant lines of the medieval castle.
The rectangular estate was enclosed by a mighty stone wall. In the northeast corner, a chapel was situated amid a small grove of trees. In the northwest corner, near the main wall, in which the gate was located, was a series of low outbuildings she assumed garrisoned the soldiers. She couldn’t see past the castle, as it sprawled nearly the width of the walled estate. The perimeter wall tumbled up slopes and valleys, extending as far as she could see, intermittently set with guard towers every fifty yards or so.
When Circenn took her by the elbow, a few moments later, she started.
“Come,” he said quietly.
She looked at him sharply. Instead of looking angry as he had during the week-long ride, now he looked sad. And it bothered her that he looked sad. Anger she could deal with, but sadness brought out her nurturing instincts and tempted her to draw him aside, cradle his face gently, and ask what was wrong. Get to know him. Soothe him.
She shook her head at her own idiocy. This was one man who clearly did not need her tenderness and nurturing.
They entered the main door of the castle and he moved away from her again, into the midst of servants, quietly giving orders. Lisa stood in the Greathall, pivoting slowly, her mouth open. Wow. Over the past week, she’d begun assimilating some of their archaic expressions, but under some circumstances, only a thoroughly modern “wow” would do. Dunnottar had been a ruin; Castle Brodie was a medieval castle at its finest. The Greathall was vast, with a high ceiling and five hearths—two each on the east and west walls of the room, and a central hearth that looked as if it had long been inactive. The walls were hung with enormous tapestries, and a long, ornately carved table with dozens of chairs was positioned near one of the hearths.