“Putting it off isn’t going to help.” Juliet walked over to her desk again. “Besides, how can you even concentrate? You’ll be more productive if you call first.”
“That’s only true if the call goes well. If it doesn’t, I’ll be less productive.”
“You’re already assuming the worst. How would talking to him possibly mess you up more?”
“Thinking something is true is different than knowing it for certain.”
Juliet packed up a few books. “I’m leaving so you can call with privacy. Call me if you want to talk afterward.”
“I’m not calling.”
“Yes, you are.” She patted me on the shoulder. “And good luck with the essay.”
“Thanks.” I sat down at my desk and opened the top to my laptop. No matter what Juliet said, I wasn’t calling him. I’d much rather stay in my little bubble and avoid the confrontation.
My phone dinged again. I tilted the screen to face me. You there, babe? I miss you.
I hadn’t even set the phone aside before I got another text. This one was from Rachel. Come on, Carol isn’t that bad. It’s good you got to talk to her. I’m sorry for running out on you though.
I wasn’t willing to ask Chase about it, but Rachel might be the right one to approach. Why wouldn’t Chase invite me to the lake?
Because you have school?
I’m out in time. He knew that. He told his mom that.
Oh. I’ll ask Riley.
No. Don’t.
You sure?
Yes. I’ll figure it out.
Just call him. I’m sure he has his reasons. Guys are weird like that.
Yeah, I’m sure.
Don’t make a bigger deal out of this than it has to be. Chase is crazy about you.
Thanks.
Chase’s next text came through at that moment. Did my mom scare you off? Did she start showing baby pictures or something?
I sighed and tossed my phone into my desk drawer. I needed some space from everyone. I packed up my laptop and tossed in my wallet before heading downstairs. The one place I wouldn’t run into someone was the library, so that’s exactly where I went.
There was something freeing about being without my phone. It’s like somehow I was leaving the stress behind. Maybe there was something to be said about the idea of unplugging. For the first time in years, no one would have been able to get a hold of me.
I stopped to get a coffee before setting up at a table deep in the stacks. I was feeling ridiculously anti-social, and I knew the only way I was going to get the essay done was to be by myself. We were supposed to be writing about identity, and after some thought, I knew exactly what to write.
Identity. No one tells you how important this word is. They lecture you about studying, and being nice, and giving back—but no one tells you that you can’t truly accomplish any of those things until you can define yourself.
We all have one. Sometimes our perception of ourselves is so completely distorted from reality, other times it’s spot on. My problem with identity is that in our world it’s become more about what you do rather than who you are. This makes it ever changing, and impossible to hold onto.
I stopped typing. I’d have to rework the opening line, but it was a start. It was more words than I’d had five minutes before. The prompt had hit home with me more than any of the others. I felt like the entire semester had been a constant struggle to figure out who I was. But the reality was, it was all going to keep changing.
Struck by ideas, I dove back into the essay. I’d been tentative about taking a creative writing class focused on non-fiction, but in the end, it was the right fit.
Two and a half hours later, I closed my laptop. I had a decent first draft that I’d hopefully be able to whip into shape before Tuesday night. I packed up my stuff and headed out. I tossed my half-full coffee into the trash. I must have been really out of it to throw out perfectly good coffee.
My roommates were both out when I got home, so I grabbed my phone. Nearly three hours gone, and I only had a few missed calls from Chase. It turns out, unplugging was easier than I thought. I was about to set aside my phone when I got an idea.
I hit send to a contact I’d never called before.