There were streaks of white in Alivia's hair, and she was just a bit taller than Nynaeve. That white in her hair was telling—any white or gray on a woman who wielded the One Power meant age. A great deal of it. Alivia claimed to be four centuries old. Today, the former damane wore a strikingly red dress, as if in an attempt to be confrontational. Most damane, once unleashed, remained timid. Not so with Alivia—there was an intensity to her that almost suggested a Whitecloak.
He felt Min stiffen, and he felt her displeasure. Alivia would help Rand die, eventually. That had been one of Min's viewings—and Min's viewings were never wrong. Except that she'd said she'd been wrong about Moiraine. Perhaps that meant that he wouldn't have to ...
No. Anything that made him think of living through the Last Battle, anything that made him hope, was dangerous. He had to be hard enough to accept what was coming to him. Hard enough to die when the time came.
You said we could die, Lews Therin said in the back of his mind. You promised!
Cadsuane said nothing as she walked across the room, helping herself to a cup of the spiced wine that sat on a small serving table beside the bed. Then she sat down in one of the red cedar chairs. At least she hadn't demanded that he pour the wine for her. That sort of thing wasn't beyond her.
"Well, what did you learn?" he asked, walking from the window and pouring himself a cup of wine as well. Min walked to the bed—with its frame of cedar logs and a skip-peeled headboard stained deeply reddish brown—and sat down, hands in her lap. She watched Alivia carefully.
Cadsuane raised an eyebrow at the sharpness in Rand's voice. He sighed, forcing down his annoyance. He had asked her to be his counselor, and he had agreed to her stipulations. Min said there was something important he would need to learn from Cadsuane—that was another viewing— and in truth, he had found her advice useful on more than one occasion. She was worth her constant demands for decorum.
"How did the questioning go, Cadsuane Sedai?" he asked in a more moderate tone.
She smiled to herself. "Well enough."
"Well enough?" Nynaeve snapped. She had made no promises to Cadsuane about civility. "That woman is infuriating!"
Cadsuane sipped her wine. "I wonder what else one could expect from one of the Forsaken, child. She has had a great deal of time to practice being . . . infuriating."
"Rand, that . . . creature is a stone," Nynaeve said, turning to him. "She's yielded barely a single useful sentence despite days of questioning! All she does is explain how inferior and backward we are, with the occasional aside that she's eventually going to kill us all." Nynaeve reached up to her long, single braid—but stopped herself short of tugging on it. She was getting better about that. Rand wondered why she bothered, considering how obvious her temper was.
"For all the girl's dramatic talk," Cadsuane said, nodding to Nynaeve, "she has a reasonable grasp on the situation. Phaw! When I said 'well enough' you were to interpret it as 'as well as you might expect, given our unfortunate constraints.' One cannot blindfold an artist, then be surprised when he has nothing to paint."
"This isn't art, Cadsuane," Rand said dryly. "It's torture." Min shared a glance with him, and he felt her concern. Concern for him? He wasn't the one being tortured.
The box, Lews Therin whispered. We should have died in the box. Then . . . then it would be over.
Cadsuane sipped her wine. Rand hadn't tasted his—he already knew that the spices were so strong as to render the drink unpalatable. Better that than the alternative.
"You press us for results, boy," Cadsuane said. "And yet you deny us the tools we need to get them. Whether you name it torture, questioning, or baking, I call it foolishness. Now, if we were allowed to—"
"No!" Rand growled, waving a hand ... a stump ... at her. "You will not threaten or hurt her."
Time spent in a dark box, being pulled forth and being beaten repeatedly. He would not have a woman in his power treated the same way. Not even one of the Forsaken. "You may question her, but some things I will not allow."
Nynaeve sniffed. "Rand, she's one of the Forsaken, dangerous beyond reason!"
"I am aware of the threat," Rand said flatly, holding up the stump where his left hand had been. The metallic gold and red tattoo of a dragon's body sparkled in the lamplight. Its head had been consumed in the Fire that had nearly killed him.
Nynaeve took a deep breath. "Yes, well, then you must see that normal rules shouldn't apply to her!"
"I said no!" Rand said. "You will question her, but you will not hurt her!" Not a woman. I will keep to this one shred of light inside me. I've caused the deaths and sorrows of too many women already.
"If that is what you demand, boy," Cadsuane said tersely, "then that is what shall be done. Just don't whine when we are unable to drag out of her what she had for breakfast yesterday, let alone the locations of the other Forsaken. One begins to wonder why you insist we continue this farce at all. Perhaps we should simply turn her over to the White Tower and be done with it."
Rand turned away. Outside, the soldiers had finished with the horse-lines. They looked good. Even and straight, the animals given just the right amount of slack.
Turn her over to the White Tower? That would never happen. Cadsuane wouldn't let Semirhage out of her grip until she got the answers she wanted. The wind still blew outside, his own banners flapping before his eyes.
"Turn her over to the White Tower, you say?" he said, glancing back into the room. "Which White Tower? Would you entrust her to Elaida? Or did you mean the others? I doubt that Egwene would be pleased if I dropped one of the Forsaken in her lap. Egwene might just let Semirhage go and take me captive instead. Force me to kneel before the White Tower's justice and gentle me just to give her another notch in her belt."
Nynaeve frowned. "Rand! Egwene would never—"
"She's Amyrlin," he said, downing his cup of wine in one gulp. It was as putrid as he recalled. "Aes Sedai to the core. I'm just another pawn to her."
Yes, Lews Therin said. We need to stay away from all of them. They refused to help us, you know. Refused! Said my plan was too reckless. That left me with only the Hundred Companions, no women to form a circle. Traitors! This is their fault. But. . . but I'm the one who killed Hyena. Why?
Nynaeve said something, but Rand ignored her. Lews Therin? he said to the voice. What was it you did? The women wouldn't help? Why?
But Lews Therin had begun sobbing again, and his voice grew distant.
"Tell me!" Rand yelled, throwing his cup down. "Burn you, Kinslayer! Speak to me!"
The room fell silent.
Rand blinked. He'd never . . . never tried speaking to Lews Therin out loud where others could hear. And they knew. Semirhage had spoken of the voice that he heard, dismissing Rand as if he were a common madman.
Rand reached up, running a hand through his hair. Or he tried to ... but he used the arm that was only a stump, and it accomplished nothing.
Light! he thought. I'm losing control. Half the time, I don't know which voice is mine and which is his. This was supposed to get better when I cleansed saidin/ / was supposed to be safe. . . .
Not safe, Lews Therin muttered. We were already mad. Can't turn back from that now. He began to cackle, but the laughter turned to sobs.
Rand looked around the room. Min's dark eyes were so worried he had to turn away. Alivia—who had watched the exchange about Semirhage with those penetrating eyes of hers—seemed too knowing. Ny-naeve finally gave in and tugged on her braid. For once, Cadsuane didn't chastise him for his outburst. Instead she just sipped her wine. How could she stand the stuff?
The thought was trivial. Ridiculous. He wanted to laugh. Only, the sound wouldn't come out. He couldn't summon even a wry humor, not anymore. Light! I can't keep this up. My eyes see as if in a fog, my hand is burned away, and the old wounds in my side rip open if I do anything more strenuous than breathe. I'm dry, like an overused well. I need to finish my work here and get to Shayol Ghul.
Otherwise, there won't be anything left of me for the Dark One to kill.
That wasn't a thought to cause laughter; it was one to cause despair. But Rand did not weep, for tears could not come from steel.
For the moment, Lews Therin's cries seemed enough for both of them.
CHAPTER 2
The Nature of Pain
Egwene stood up straight, backside aflame with the now-familiar agony of a solid beating beneath the hands of the Mistress of Novices. She felt like a rug that had just been pounded free of its dust. Despite that, she calmly straightened her white skirts, then turned to the room's mirror and calmly dabbed the tears from the corners of her eyes. Only one tear in each eye this time. She smiled to her reflection, and her twin selves nodded to one another in satisfaction.
A small, dark-paneled room reflected behind her on the mirror's silvery surface. Such a stern place it was, a sturdy stool in the corner, the top darkened and smoothed from years and years of use. A blockish desk, set with the Mistress of Novices' thick tome. The narrow table directly behind Egwene had some carvings, but its leather padding was far more distinctive. Many a novice—and not a few Accepted—had bent down across that table, bearing the punishment for disobedience. Egwene could almost imagine that the table's dark color had come from repeated tearstains. Many of her own had been shed there.
But none today. Only two tears, and neither had fallen from her cheeks. Not that she didn't hurt; her entire body seemed to burn from the pain. Indeed, the severity of those beatings had increased the longer she continued to defy the powers in the White Tower. But as the beatings had grown more frequent and more painful, Egwene's resolve to endure had grown as well. She hadn't yet managed to embrace and accept the pain as the Aiel did, but she felt that she was close. The Aiel could laugh during the most cruel of tortures. Well, she could smile the moment she stood up.
Each lash she endured, each pain she suffered, was a victory. And victory was always a reason for happiness, no matter how one's pride or one's skin burned.
Standing beside the table behind Egwene, reflected in the mirror, was the Mistress of Novices herself. Silviana looked down at the leather strap in her hands, frowning. Her ageless square face seemed just faintly confused; she regarded the strap as one might a knife that refused to cut or a lamp that refused to light.
The woman was of the Red Ajah, a fact reflected in the trim on the hem of her simple gray dress and the fringed shawl on her shoulders. She was tall and stocky and she had her black hair back in a bun. In most ways Egwene considered her a superior Mistress of Novices. Even if she had administered a ridiculous number of punishments to Egwene. Perhaps because of that. Silviana did her duty. Light knew there were few enough in the Tower lately of whom that could be said!
Silviana looked up and met Egwene's eyes in the mirror. She quickly put down the strap and washed all emotion from her face. Egwene turned around calmly.
Uncharacteristically, Silviana sighed. "When will you give this up, child?" she asked. "You've proven your point quite admirably, I must say, but you must know that I will continue to punish you until you submit. Proper order must be maintained."
Egwene held in her shock. The Mistress of Novices rarely addressed Egwene except to offer instruction or reprobation. Still, there had been cracks before. . . .
"Proper order, Silviana?" Egwene asked. "As it has been maintained elsewhere in the Tower?"
Silviana s lips drew back in a line. She turned and made a notation in her book. "I will see you in the morning. Off to dinner with you."
The morning punishment would be because Egwene had called the Mistress of Novices by her name without adding the honorific "Sedai" to the end. And likely because both knew that Egwene would not curtsy before she left.
"I will return in the morning," Egwene said, "but dinner must wait. I have been ordered to attend Elaida this evening as she eats." This session with Silviana had gone long—Egwene had brought quite a list of infractions with her—and now she wouldn't have time to eat. Her stomach complained at the prospect.
Silviana showed just a brief moment of emotion. Was it surprise? "And you said nothing of this earlier?"
"Would it have changed anything if I had?"
Silviana did not respond to the question. "You will eat after attending the Amyrlin, then. I shall leave instructions for the Mistress of the Kitchens to hold you some food. Considering how often you are being given Healing these days, child, you will need to take your meals. I won't have you collapsing from lack of nourishment."
Stern, yet fair. A pity this one had found her way to the Red. "Very well," Egwene said.
"And after eating," Silviana said, raising a finger, "you shall return to me for showing disrespect to the Amyrlin Seat. She is never to be known as simply 'Elaida' to you, child." She turned down to her ledger, adding, "Besides, Light only knows what kind of trouble you'll be in by this evening."
As Egwene left the small chamber behind—entering a wide, gray-stoned hallway with floor tiles of green and red—she considered that last comment. Perhaps it hadn't been surprise that Silviana had shown upon hearing of Egwene's visit to Elaida. Perhaps it had been sympathy. Elaida would not react well when Egwene stood up to her the way she had to all others in the Tower.
Was that why Silviana had decided to bring Egwene back for a final strapping after eating? With the orders Silviana had given, Egwene would be required to take food before returning for her punishment, even if Elaida heaped