The Fragile Ordinary

It was mortifying!

Tobias looked as horrified as I felt.

“Comet!” Vicki suddenly appeared, shoving Tobias aside to get to me, with Steph on her trail. Her expression flared in outrage at the sight of me in tears. “What did you do?” she demanded of Stevie and Tobias.

“Nothing,” I mumbled, swiping angrily at my tears. “Let’s go.”

Tobias took a step toward me. “Comet—”

“Leave her alone,” Steph threw out as Vicki hustled me down the corridor toward the bathroom.

As soon as we got inside they locked the door and Vicki handed me my backpack. I must have left it at the table and didn’t even realize. Dropping it, I slumped against the cold tiled wall. “Oh God...please tell me I didn’t just burst into tears in front of Tobias and Stevie?”

“Sorry, babe,” Vicki winced. “You kind of did.”

“On that note—and it’s not that I’m not concerned or anything that you were crying—what the hell, Comet?” Steph’s hands flew to her hips. “You know those guys? They know you? And I don’t mean from class—have you been hanging out with them behind our backs?”

I blushed furiously, giving myself away. “It started a while ago...”

And so with a rapt audience in front of me, I told the story of my burgeoning friendship with Tobias King, and how I stupidly fell for him and kept getting hurt by his indifference in public.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you,” I pleaded with them to understand. “I’m just an idiot for listening to him.”

“Oh, Com.” Vicki hugged me tight, and it was such a relief to be held by her I almost squeezed her to death in return. “We’re all idiots when it comes to boys.”

Steph put her arms around both of us.

It was a lovely moment.

Then Steph said, “Anyone else just excited that Comet likes someone? For a while there I couldn’t work you out, Com. Straight, gay, something else? Who knew!”

Confiding in my friends felt so good that Steph’s ridiculousness didn’t even bother me. In fact, I’d missed it. And I told her so by laughing so hard I almost cried again.

* * *

Like the biggest cliché, I waited for Tobias to apologize.

I thought at first it would happen in English next period but he never showed for class. My thumping heart and sweaty palms had been for nothing.

My phone was glued to my hip for the rest of the day and evening.

But nothing.

And he didn’t show up for English the next day either.

The weekend passed slowly with no word from him or Stevie. I was preoccupied. Not just with thoughts of the boys, but worrying about Mr. Stone’s reception of my poetry. After deciding to confide in Vicki about my poems, and how Mr. Stone was reading them, my best friend roped Steph and me into going to Glasgow to shop in order to take my mind off the boys and my poems. Yet I was still distracted. Again. Instead of being angry with my distance, however, they were sympathetic. Finally, Steph could relate to a daydreaming Comet, because now she was daydreaming about a boy, and Vicki knew it was about more than just the boys. It was about me putting myself out there with my work for my future.

“I’m proud of you,” Vicki had whispered to me while Steph was in a changing room trying on a dress so short there was no way she could allow her dad to ever see it. “Maybe when you’re ready, you’ll let me read your poems, too.”

I’d squeezed her hand, grateful for her support. Just grateful I had her back.

My worry over losing Tobias’s friendship transformed into annoyance when he first blanked me as he walked into Spanish the following week, and then when he ignored me entirely in English class. Between that and the fact that Mr. Stone walked into class with my folder under his arm, I was distracted from our lesson completely by my apprehension over his opinion, and over Tobias’s coldness. Trying to focus on what should be the priority rather than on the boy next to me, I watched as Mr. Stone slipped the folder under a pile of papers on his desk and then welcomed the class.

I tried to listen as he talked about classwork, but it was incredibly difficult, and when he asked me to stay after class I felt a strong wave of nausea.

Tobias sat as far from me as possible, flinching when my foot accidentally brushed his under the table. At the first ring of the dismissal bell he shot out of his chair with the precision of the one o’clock gun at Edinburgh Castle. He was gone before I could even draw breath.

I tried to pretend I wasn’t angry at him. That his behavior didn’t matter as much as what Mr. Stone had to say to me about my poems. But as much as I wanted it to be true, it wasn’t. Plus, it felt better to be angry than to think about how much Tobias ignoring me hurt. My days were suddenly gray again, and I almost hated him for having that kind of power over my mood.

Shaking the melancholy off, I waited in my seat as everyone else filtered out. Vicki, probably having guessed what our teacher wanted to talk to me about, threw me a bolstering smile before she walked out of the classroom.

When we were alone, Mr. Stone took my folder off his desk and came to perch on mine. He handed it back to me wearing a small smile. “These are wonderful, Comet. Thank you so much for allowing me to read them.”

All the air I’d been holding in seemed to deflate out of me, and my teacher chuckled at my obvious relief.

“Your perspective is refreshing and honest. May I ask what university you’re thinking of applying to?”

“The University of Virginia. They have great writing and poetry programs,” I said automatically, reeling from his praise.

He looked surprised but in a good way. “That’s a wonderful goal, Comet. And I think the literary magazine would help you achieve it.”

Hope suffused me. “Are you saying we can start the magazine?”

“I’ve spoken with Ms. Fergus, our department head, and she’s happy to let us give it try. With you leading the helm as editor.”

My belly roiled with a mixture of excited and nervous flutters. It was a lot of responsibility and I didn’t know if I could do it, but I was willing to try.

“That’s brilliant.” I gave him a tremulous smile.

Mr. Stone grinned. “Great. Okay. Well, I think with your exams coming just after Christmas break, it might be best to launch it next term. That will give us time to get the site and our team organized. I’m going to advertise that we’re recruiting a lit mag team but if you know anyone who might like to join please let me know.”

Amazed that I’d made this happen, I gathered my stuff, bidding my favorite teacher a good afternoon. I couldn’t wait to tell Vicki and I wanted to tell Tobias.

But over the next week I rarely saw him, Stevie and their crew around school and despite not wanting to be, I was concerned. I was anxious about what they could be up to. And I was worried that Tobias was going to get himself kicked out of Higher classes.

“Okay, I’ve had enough.” Vicki dropped her tray down beside me in the cafeteria with a bang, drawing my gaze from Tobias and Stevie’s empty table. “No more moping over Tobias.”

“Agreed.” Steph made a face. “All that frowning is going to give you wrinkles, Com.”

Yes, because that was what I was most worried about in life. “What do you suggest?”

She ignored my dry tone. “Antiwrinkle cream. I’ve already started using it.”

“You’re weird,” I replied.

“Forget Steph’s premature antiaging regime.” Vicki waved the subject off. “You, Comet Caldwell, are done moping after Tobias King. Don’t you think he knows you’re just sitting around waiting for him to show you a little bit of attention? That’s where all their power lies. But you have to take the power back.”

“And how do I do that?”

“Look, I know you’re not a party person, but word has it Tobias will be at this party some guys who used to go to school here are throwing.”

“It’s Dean Angus,” Steph grimaced. “He’s dodgy as hell.”

“Dodgy how?”

Vicki shrugged. “He runs with a dodgy lot. Possibly criminals. But Tobias will be at this party. We can just show up, we don’t have to stay long. We’re just sending the message that your life doesn’t begin and end with Tobias King.”