I cast about innumerable ways in my thoughts how this might be done. I
would gladly have sent my husband away to Caroline with all our goods,
and have come after myself, but this was impracticable; he would never
stir without me, being himself perfectly unacquainted with the country,
and with the methods of settling there or anywhere else. Then I
thought we would both go first with part of our goods, and that when we
were settled I should come back to Virginia and fetch the remainder;
but even then I knew he would never part with me, and be left there to
go on alone. The case was plain; he was bred a gentleman, and by
consequence was not only unacquainted, but indolent, and when we did
settle, would much rather go out into the woods with his gun, which
they call there hunting, and which is the ordinary work of the Indians,
and which they do as servants; I say, he would rather do that than
attend the natural business of his plantation.
These were therefore difficulties insurmountable, and such as I knew
not what to do in. I had such strong impressions on my mind about
discovering myself to my brother, formerly my husband, that I could not
withstand them; and the rather, because it ran constantly in my
thoughts, that if I did not do it while he lived, I might in vain
endeavour to convince my son afterward that I was really the same
person, and that I was his mother, and so might both lose the
assistance and comfort of the relation, and the benefit of whatever it
was my mother had left me; and yet, on the other hand, I could never
think it proper to discover myself to them in the circumstances I was
in, as well relating to the having a husband with me as to my being
brought over by a legal transportation as a criminal; on both which
accounts it was absolutely necessary to me to remove from the place
where I was, and come again to him, as from another place and in
another figure.
Upon those considerations, I went on with telling my husband the
absolute necessity there was of our not settling in Potomac River, at
least that we should be presently made public there; whereas if we went
to any other place in the world, we should come in with as much
reputation as any family that came to plant; that, as it was always
agreeable to the inhabitants to have families come among them to plant,
who brought substance with them, either to purchase plantations or
begin new ones, so we should be sure of a kind, agreeable reception,
and that without any possibility of a discovery of our circumstances.