She didn’t laugh.
I guess because it wasn’t funny.
“Come on,” she said. “Let’s go get you fixed up.”
I wanted to say something sarcastic. I wanted to make her feel better because I could tell she was distraught. But no words would leave me. My mind was whirling, thinking about Ma, if she’d be okay. I couldn’t stop wondering how long she had been hit before I arrived. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I should’ve been there to protect her. I couldn’t stop thinking about how many times I swore I hated her, but the truth was, I loved her.
I loved her so much. And I let her down. I let her down when I went away.
***
Logan, thirteen-years-old.
Grandpa sent me a documentary on hamburgers for my birthday. I’d already watched it three times, but I placed it back into the DVD player. It was pretty interesting, and I was pretty bored before I got the documentary because I watched most of the ones at the library already.
“What are you doing?” Ma asked, standing in my doorway.
“Nothin’,” I replied.
“Can I do nothing with you?”
I looked up, and gasped. Ma looked beautiful. Her hair was combed into a high ponytail, and she had tied a red ribbon around it. She was wearing make-up, something she never did, and she wore a pretty black sundress that normally sat hanging in the back of her closet.
“You look amazing,” I breathed out.
Her muscles were twitching, but that was kind of the norm with Ma. She was always fidgeting and twitching with tremors, but after a while it didn’t bother me. It was just a part of her. “Yeah? I don’t know. I’m going to this meeting later today.” She smiled and curtsied. “It’s a meeting about helping people get clean, ya know? I want to stop using, Logan. I want to be a better mama for you.”
My eyes widened. I felt like I was floating, as my stomach fluttered. “Really?” Ma never talked about getting help. She always said no one could help her.
“Yeah.” She sat down on my mattress. “You’d have to go stay with Kellan and his dad for a while, though. I want to go to rehab. I really want to make something better for us.”
“You’re leaving me?” I said, my hands clammy.
“Only for a little while. Then I’ll be back better than ever.”
“You’ll come back for me?”
“I’ll come back for you.”
I sighed in relief.
“You think you can take a break from watching your DVD and come make a lasagna? We can celebrate before I leave.”
My eyes beamed and I nodded my head. “Yeah!”
We cooked together. I made the sauce, and Ma layered the noodles and cheese. After it was done, she had me move the small television from my room into the living room. We sat on the sofa, watching the documentary on hamburgers, and ate our hot lasagna out of the pan.
“Ma?”
“Yeah, Logan?”
“Why are you crying?” I asked. She gave me a tight grin and shrugged.
“Just happy, that’s all, sweetie. I’m just happy.”
I smiled, too, and went back to eating. The lasagna burnt the roof my mouth, but I didn’t mind at all, because Ma was going to rehab. Then she’d come back to me, and we’d start our real lives together. We were getting better. Soon our normal life would be eating dinner together and watching documentaries. She’d come to my parent-teacher conferences, and graduations. She’d slow dance with me at my wedding. She’d read my future kids bedtime stories.
We’d have a future together, and it would be perfect.
I kept smiling, and smiling, and smiling.
Because I’d never been so happy.
Chapter Forty-Four
Alyssa
Logan walked away with a fractured nose, two black eyes, and a broken wrist. He was lucky, seeing how the damage to his face looked fifty times worse than it actually turned out to be. We sat in the lobby, waiting to hear about his mother’s condition. I closed my eyes, praying that she was going to be fine. I knew Julie had always brought so much pain into Logan’s life, but there was no doubt that she meant the world to him.
The cops came over to speak with us.
“Sorry to interrupt, you guys, but we just wanted to update you. After everything we spoke about, we are currently obtaining a search warrant for your father’s house. The gun he had was illegally in his possession, and we found drugs on him at the scene. He has quite a history of coming in contact with the police, so I think we’ll be able to really nail him this time. For now, we’ll keep him in custody for the attack on your mother. That should give us enough time to get the court’s warrant. We’re going to get this guy.”
Logan nodded. I thanked the officers, and they wished us the best, saying they’d be in contact.
“What a relief,” I sighed.
Logan’s head rested in his palms, as he kept nodding. “Yeah.”
I rubbed his back as the doctor approached us. “Hey, so just an update.”
“A lot of updates today,” Logan murmured.
The doctor gave a tight grin. “Yeah. So your mother’s condition is improving, but the level of narcotics in her system is pretty worrisome for us. We’re going to keep her here for the next few days to help flush her system. She has two broken ribs from where she was kicked, but can’t give her too much medicine for the pain due to the narcotics. We’re kind of playing it by ear at this point. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask.”
I thanked the doctor, and Logan’s head remained in his palms.
“See, Logan? Everything’s okay. Everything’s going to be fine. Do you want me to call Kellan and let him know?” His brother hadn’t been informed of anything. Logan didn’t want to worry him until he knew all of the details.
He groaned, looking up. “No. I should be there to tell him in person. Just in case he reacts badly. I don’t want to tell him over the phone.”
“That makes sense. That’s a good idea.”
“High?”
“Yeah?”
“I just want you to know you have the right to opt out now. Out of all of this.”
“What are you talking about?”
“My life,” he said, strain evident in his voice, hinting at the pain in his jaw. He cringed, and started rubbing it. “My life is a mess. It always has been, and I’m giving you a ‘get out of hell’ free card. I’m in love with you, and that’s why I’m giving you an out. You deserve more than this messed-up life.”